Why You Don’t Want to be a Player

Hello Gentlemen,

Let’s imagine for a second the mind of a player. First, what is a player? A player, usually a man, is a guy that “plays” with people’s hearts. They’re a person that doesn’t invest emotionally in a relationship and tries to always get a better partner. A player goes in for the kill, to sleep with someone, then either cheats or moves on to the next target, all while not emotionally getting attached, having fun and breaking your heart.

Some guys want to be a player, there is a certain status to being a player. Like a good looking guy who can walk up to the hottest girl in the bar and sweet talk his way into her bedroom. Guys also idolize a player, because not only can he get whatever he wants, he can walk away unscathed, with not a scratch on his heart and the energy to find his next victim.

Celebrity players, such as George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio, seem to have it all. Good looks, money and a bevy of babes at their beck and call. Why settle down when you have hot chicks all over you?

Let’s look a little deeper into the mind of a player, shall we? Is it all that it’s cracked up to be? Sleeping with one chick and moving onto the next, and next, and next can’t get old right? I mean, look at Hugh Hefner, he’s a million and one years old and he’s happy right?

But if you really look at a player, you’ll see someone who has gotten hurt in the past. They flew too close to the sun (meaning they loved a girl once that burned them) and instead of loving again, they closed their feelings down and settled for the physical pleasures of a relationship, but firmly closing the down on the emotional pleasure.

Sure, I mean, if you can net an unlimited amount of models like DiCaprio, what’s the point of settling down? But you’re not DiCaprio are you? You may be good looking, or even charming, but at the end of the day, just being causal with relationships isn’t what you really want.

Look at it like friendships. Do you want a bunch of rotating buds to go see baseball games with? Only to hang out with them a couple of times and never see them again and get a new group of friends? Isn’t that kind of exhausting getting to know all these guys only to discard them and make new friends? You want friends to stick around, friends that are there for you and most of all, friends that you have things in common with and you’ll know that when you hang out, you’ll have a hell of a time.

It reminds me of the movie Home Alone 2. Even though it’s just a kid’s film, there is a really deep scene between Kevin and the bird lady in the park. Kevin talks to her and she says she doesn’t want to love because she doesn’t want to risk getting hurt. But here is the dialogue which I think is important because it breaks down what it feels like to close yourself off to love.

Bird Lady: The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.

Kevin: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.

Bird Lady: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.

Kevin: Maybe they’re just too busy. Maybe they don’t forget about you,  but they forget to remember you. People don’t mean to forget. My grandfather says if my head wasn’t screwed on, I’d leave it on the school busy.

Bird Lady: I’m just afraid if I do trust someone, I’ll get my heart broken.

Kevin: I understand. I had a nice pair of rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times.

Bird Lady: A person’s heart and feelings are very different from skates.

Kevin: They’re kind of the same thing. If you won’t use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it’ll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won’t be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.

Bird Lady: Little truth in there somewhere.

Kevin: I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn’t gone. If it was gone, you wouldn’t be so nice.

 

Basically, what I’m saying is that we’re all human. And humans need certain things in their lives. They need shelter, food, to feel safe. And they need relationships. They need family, friends and a partner. Having someone who cares about you for you, not for your money or looks or anything else superficial, is amazing. Someone who shares your interests, someone you can care for, someone who will stick around when things get tough. You’ll get sick someday, you’ll get hurt someday, and that person will be there for you like a rock. If you’re afraid of getting hurt, join the club, because guess what? EVERYONE is afraid of getting hurt. These are the risks you have to make in life, or else you’ll never really live. And you’ll never really know.

So, why would you want to be a player? A player is based on ego. Playing up their ego and trying to score, but that can get old and you’ll start feeling detached to people. All the girls look the same, act the same… but that’s because you’re going after certain types of girls so you don’t get attached.

George Clooney dated blond models for like forever. And who did he end up with? A smart brunette! Someone who challenged him mentally. Because why have the superficial when you can have the real deal? Why play up your ego when you can really find someone to have fun with, and not just in the bed, but in life? Someone you can travel with, someone who gets your jokes and makes life worth sharing.

If you feel you have to be a player to stay on top, you’re only kidding yourself at the end of the day.

I’ll leave you with one last story. I used to work at Starbucks, and there was an old man, grandpa age, that started to work there. One day he was leaving work and put on a leather jacket, a biker jacket and I talked to him. I found out that he never got married, and never had kids and regretted it. Here was this old man that probably had adventures out on the road with his biker gang, but at the end of his life, he didn’t have anyone to come home to.

Life is short, and if you close yourself for too long, you may lose your chance.

Ok, Gentlemen, we got a little deep here this time, I hope you enjoyed and talk to you next time.

How to Not Feel Rejected

Hello Gentelmen,

Dating is a game, a game where you take chances, risk yourself and ultimately win or lose. Sometimes you lose hard and sometimes you are frustrated because you’re on the sidelines and can’t even get into the game.

Everyone knows how that feels. Men, women, everyone. The typical response is to blame other people.

“If they had just known how pure my feelings are…”

“They don’t understand me”

“Why  can’t it go my way?”

The thing is, don’t feel alone in that feeling. Don’t single yourself out thinking life never goes your way. The rule of life is nothing stays the same forever and there may be a lesson for you to learn first before you can move forward.

I know pretty girls that are single, looking for a boyfriend, and can’t find anyone for years because the guys they date are more into themselves than the girl. They’re more obsessed with their self-image of dating a pretty girl than really understanding her in the first place.

And girls get rejected too. They’ll like a guy that never makes a move on her, they’ll wait patiently for him and even ask him out to only have him say no way.

Whether you’re young, old, we all don’t want to be rejected, but it does happen and sometimes it really does work in your favor.

Sometimes, that person is NOT ready to date at all, they need to get over a break-up themselves and would be a horrible partner even if you two were to get together, or you have a lot on your plate and juggling a relationship would be a horrible idea for both parties because you’re not ready to open up and be there for another person.

There’s all kinds of reasons why relationships don’t work or don’t start at all, but what you must keep in mind is to not bash the other person or force them to like you. You need to keep your head high and keep yourself intact. You may feel insecure, like no one ever likes you, or the people you like, don’t like you. But look for the lesson, why do these people not like you? Are they emotionally unavailable? Are they immature? Are they going through their own problems? Are you not their type? Are you really the best match for them?

I remember one guy liking me that was of Jewish faith, and I am clearly not. No way I would ever convert to Judaism. So, why did he bother to like me knowing that clearly that I would never be a match? You can’t expect to change the person you like and expect them to do things that are not of their core of being. If it’s not a match, then it’s ok, because there are LOTS of other people out there.

I had to move to find my match. I lived in LA for three years and knew I would never find a guy for the right relationship for me. Certainly, there’s love in LA, but for myself, the kinds of guys I was meeting were more obsessed with looks than what was inside, and I would clearly get looked over for hotter women. Even though I was in shape, I was clearly not the desired type of most guys there. And I honestly wanted a guy with more substance than what I was finding there. For me, moving was crucial to find the right type of person.

I could have stayed, and tried to make it work with someone, keep getting rejected or looked over. But what I did was really think about who I was and the partner I wanted and came to the conclusion that the partner I wanted wouldn’t live in that place.

But you may have to stop as ask yourself similar questions. Who’s a good partner for me? What do I really want? What do I need to do to BE a good partner?

Then you’ll realize, the rejection you’re facing is not because of your insecurities or whatever you feel inferior about, but that it’s not a good match and you’re looking in the wrong places or that you’re not ready to be a good partner yourself and you need to do some growing first.

Until next time, gentlemen.

Cheaters Anonymous

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time, no chat. Thanks for checking out this blog, even though I haven’t been as active, this blog is still getting a lot of views, so it encourages me to continue writing in here. As always, any questions you have about dating, or any stories you’d like to share, please comment on any of these posts and I will get back to you.

Let’s talk about cheating today. Not a pleasant topic and for the one being cheated on, it can break a person knowing the person you love is well, loving someone else.

I’m going to talk about both angles of cheating. I’ve been cheated on before, and it made me insecure in subsequent relationships where I thought guys would always do that to me. I felt foolish. I also thought about cheating once and I realized that it wasn’t worth it to cheat.

Why is it not worth it to cheat? I know it’s tempting to dip one foot into the pool and get the best of both worlds, but no one really deserves to be cheated on. Even if that person is a jerk, they don’t deserve it. You can rationalize away why you should cheat, you’re not getting enough attention, they don’t listen to you, etc. If that’s the case, you need to make clear to that person that they’re driving you away and ruining your relationship.

You also need to be prepared to walk away from that relationship if you are looking to cheat. The minute you start omitting that you have a significant other and start flirting with other people and hanging out with them alone, you know you’re jumping into dangerous territory.

If you’re really that insecure to be alone that you need to cheat because you don’t know what you want, you REALLY need to be alone. You need to step away from your current relationship and be single for a bit before jumping into something new.

You know what I notice in men? That they jump to relationship to relationship awfully quickly, even when they’re not over their ex.

I went on a first date once where the guy couldn’t stop talking about his bad ex-girlfriend. Then a few days after the date he texted me that he still wasn’t over his ex. Yeah, no duh. Of course.

Also, ask yourself, why are you cheating? Not getting what you want out of the relationship? Then ask for it. And if you will never get what you want out of the relationship, the door is over there and you can see yourself out. Be an adult and break up, then pursue something new. Because if you cheat on someone with someone else, that other person will always wonder if you’re going to do them wrong the same way…

And you kind of just broke your trust with that new relationship too. You’ve shown that person that you can sneak around to find what you want.

If you have been cheated on, that can be rough. You start to doubt yourself in relationships and wonder if anyone really likes you for you, or is just looking around the corner for something new.

If you’re in a relationship right now where you can’t trust the person, ask yourself these few questions:

1. How new is this relationship?

If you’ve just started to date this person for a month and they’ve shown you no reason to be jealous, then try your darnest not to be the green-eyed monster, because the minute you start trying to control someone else, you’re breaking that relationship and the only thing you need to control is yourself. YES, YOURSELF. You cannot control another human being, you can only control your own emotions. I’ve seen couples living with each other and the guy could not stop being jealous and accusing his girlfriend of trying to date other guys and attracting attention. You know what happened? She broke up with him because he could never trust her. Don’t be that guy.

2. Has it been 6 months and you still can’t trust your S.O.?

If it’s been several months/years and you still can’t trust the person you’ve been dating, you’re settling for low standards. Yes, you are settling because you think you don’t deserve better. After a few months if you can’t trust that person and you think that every good looking person that walks in the door is grabbing the attention of your honey bunny, you got a big problem. The answer is you’re being WAY too jealous, or that person is really looking for other people. There is no good way to change yourself or them at that point and you really need to leave that relationship. Because you are never going to trust them and years will go by and that will suck ass. Seriously. Been there, done that. I was in a relationship where I couldn’t trust the guy at all. I just KNEW something was wrong. And then the day we broke up (because we kept fighting and I couldn’t trust him) he left me a big bombshell revelation. I can’t repeat, but lets say that he was living a lie to most people in his life and they had no idea what kind of secret he was holding in around everyone. It was bad and he was a jerk and my gut instinct was true. He was not an honest person, and that’s why I couldn’t trust him for the life of me.

So again, if you’ve been with someone for ages and you’re still jealous. Either you’re crazy or you’re right, and both results are bad. You need to leave that relationship and raise your standards.

Because you can find someone that you trust. I’m with someone now that I trust. One day we were at a party and a super cute, younger girl went up to my man and started hitting on him. You know what I did? Nothing, I went back to doing whatever I was doing because I knew he would handle it. He did. The girl came over to me and asked who my boyfriend was. I pointed over to the guy she just tried to hit on. She really wanted to know if he was taken. My point is, I trusted him enough because I trusted us. I knew that our relationship was strong enough that a younger, cuter girl than me wouldn’t phase him at all. Because our relationship is unique and we’re happy with each other.

If that was several years ago, I would have lost my shit because I didn’t trust guys, I just kept thinking they would try to get someone better than me. I was single, did my time and confident in myself and my relationships that that kind of thing doesn’t worry me at all.

You can be like that too. So, don’t lower your standards. If something ain’t right, walk away and have dignity. Don’t do people wrong. It will come back to you in your next relationships.

Until next time.

 

 

 

Top 10 Signs She’s NOT Into You

Hello Gentlemen,

In light of this recent Match.com article, “Signs She’s Seriously Smitten with you” with a Top 10 non-verbal cues that women do to show if they’re interested in a man.

Well, since these signs are usually fairly obvious, with hair flipping and gazing longingly into your eyes; I think you guys would benefit on how women show they’re NOT into you. Since, well, some guys still persist in pursuing a girl when she feels she’s given you all the signs she’s not interested, here’s a clear guide if you can’t read the signs.

#1: She crosses her arms, legs, looks away from you or has her body facing away from you

Hate to break it to ya, but if it looks like she physically is repulsed by you, can’t make eye contact and is trying to look for someone else to start talking to, she’s not into you.

#2: She doesn’t laugh at anything you say

You know, the funny thing about liking a guy, is that even when he makes a bad joke, a girl is still going to laugh. It’s weird, as girls, we’ll start laughing loudly at the easiest of puns, and the most common jokes, like the guy is Aziz Ansari. A girl shows initial interest in a guy by finding everything he says funny. So, if she’s not laughing at anything… well, you know.

#3: She becomes quiet or starts talking to someone else

If you find it hard to start a dialogue with her and you’re asking all the questions and she’s responding with one word short answers and not asking you questions back, she’s not feeling it. She may also start talking to someone else and start avoiding you. She may start looking around the room to find someone, anyone else to talk to. Her eyes will dart around trying to find hope that she doesn’t have to endure a second longer with you. Nope, doesn’t mean she’s shy, she’s just not interested in you.

#4: She tells you she’s busy- ALL the time

If you’re trying to meet up with her and she always says she’s busy, without offering an alternate available date, she’s trying to be kind to you, by not flat out telling you she will see you– never! A girl who’s interested will make time for you within the week. At least! If she doesn’t make any time, not withstanding an impending wedding or final exam week, she’s going to always be busy. Always.

#5: You try dancing with her, and all of a sudden, she turns into a lesbian!

You see a cute girl, you start grinding. You’re hot… kinda. And then she notices you, and rushes straight to her girlfriends and starts jumping all over them furiously. This doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian-werewolf all of a sudden. It means she’ll do anything to get away from you. So, leave her alone already.

#6: She doesn’t ask any questions about you

She doesn’t care about getting to know you. No questions, she may blab about herself, but shows no interest in who you are… which is saying she has no interest in you.

#7: She talks about other guys around you

A girl wouldn’t want you to feel like you need to compete with all these other guys that she likes. She won’t talk about how hot Leo was in The Great Gatbsy, or her crush on Charlie Hunam. Or talk about all the guys she’s dating. She wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression… that she doesn’t like you.

#8: She doesn’t look you in the eye

If she likes you, she’s going to want to look into your beautiful eyes. But if you get the feeling she’s just trying to look around you and avoids your gaze whenever you look at her… she’s either stupid shy, or just not into you. And I doubt the shy thing unless you’re in middle school… and if you’re in middle school, you’re too young to date! Wait until high school!

#9: She only hangs out with you in groups

She’s down to hang out, with several other people around. She’ll go to the movie, bars, clubs, with lots of other people besides yourself. But when you suggest a romantic dinner for two… she changes it to a party of 10. Yeah, she doesn’t want to be alone with you, sorry.

#10: She tells you she doesn’t want to date anyone right now

Women who say they gotta focus on their career/school/life and can’t be in a relationship right now, means they don’t want a relationship with you. You may think she’s playing hard to get or has other things in her life, but honestly, most girls would love to be seeing a guy after working hard all day. You’re just not the one she wants to relax with.

That’s it! I hope this list makes things crystal clear for you, and if not, write down in the comments what you think.

Compliment HER!!! 5 Rules for Complimenting your Date

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time no see! Valentine’s Day is coming up and I thought I’d dole out some more handy advice for you daters out there.

I would like to talk about the art of “the compliment”. Really, I think this deserves its own blog post because it is THAT important.

In the past, I remember dates and boyfriends that I had that couldn’t compliment worth a damn. They had no clue how to be around a girl and respectfully give a girl the compliment she deserves.

Because frankly, she DOES deserve at least ONE compliment if you’re dating her.

For example, I dated a guy back in the day that NEVER complimented me. Not even once! Probably dated for like a month and a half and it fizzled quickly. I felt like I couldn’t really be myself around him. I even would dress up even more, JUST so he could compliment me. I remember meeting him for a date and I remember a random guy in the street stopped in his tracks and just gawked at me. I looked that brilliant that day. Seriously. And what did my date say? “Wow, you look nice?” Nope, nada, zlitch, nothing.

I was dumbfounded. I literally stopped a guy in his tracks on the way to the date (and honey, I don’t pull that stunt often) and my date had nothing to say. I might as well wore a brown bag and called it a day.

If you want your date to CONTINUE dressing up for you, doing something different with her hair, compliment her!!!

Here’s how you do it.

1. Don’t Be Sappy

Don’t say “the twinkle in your eyes brings me hope of love blossoming….” or something creepy like that. No. You’ll just accomplish making her feel super awkward because no guy has ever said anything like that to her and she’ll probably think your foreign or something.

2. Keep it short, keep it sweet

Say something like, “you look really nice today”, “your eyes are beautiful” or “you look gorgeous”. Use the G-Word sparingly though. That’s pretty much the highest compliment you can give a girl.

3. Time it Right

Compliment her at the beginning of the date when you first see her. Compliment the dress, etc. And you can compliment her once in the conversation when it feels right, or during a romantic moment, like before/after a kiss. Don’t overdo it, you’ll embarrass her.

4. DON’T make it sexual!

Unless it’s for a  booty call, then whatever. But if you want this lady to stick around, don’t compliment her butt, boobs, legs, etc. If you’ve been dating for a while, then whatever. But for a the first couple of dates, keep it classy.

5. Keep it to 1-2 compliments a date

Don’t go on and on about how wonderful she is. Keep compliments 1-2 sentences once or twice a date.

If you want a girl to stick around, compliment her, because if you don’t, she’ll think you’re not interested and she’ll start doubting your feelings for her.

Until next time!

The Wild Card

Wild Card

Hello Gentlemen,

Wow, I had no idea “The Ways a Girl Flirts” would be such a popular post! Thank you. I don’t even think that’s the funniest post, my online dating post is my favorite in my opinion.

Now, to follow up on “The Ways a Girl Flirts”, a lot of guys have been mentioning “The Wild Card”. The Wild Card is when a girl likes you but doesn’t want you to know it because she doesn’t know if you like her.

So, this is what’s happening to the girl.

A girl has a crush on a guy, and probably thinks the guy is totally out of her league or it would create some drama if he knew and didn’t like her back. This scenario plays out most in the work space. I know it happened to me a long time ago…

Long long time ago, in a restaurant far far away… I had a crush on a co-worker. I thought he was way cute at the time, he was older, and I didn’t have a clue on how to act around him. This was typical of me when I had a crush on a guy. I didn’t want to show that I liked him, so I would act total opposite, I wouldn’t talk much and try to stay away.

Think about it, when you have a crush on someone, you’re probably staring at the person all googglied-eyed and could spend forever talking about some random topic, “the celery wasn’t my FAVORITE, but I definitely preferred the cucumber over the lettuce..” and make no sense, but saying ANYTHING to this person would make you blush.

So, obviously, you want to avoid the person so you don’t look like a total idiot. You refrain from talking to the person too much, and you don’t want to say anything stupid. You don’t want to be caught dreamily staring at the person, so what do you do?

Act cold.

You don’t talk, don’t look at them in the eye. Or, that’s what I would do in my case. Which didn’t work in my favor at all, because the guy would have no clue that I was dreaming about being in his arms. Awwww…

So, this can be VERY difficult for a guy to find out. Does the girl really find me repulsive or does she like me and is trying to hide it?

If a girl finds you repulsive, she’ll probably give you a weird face. Like, “don’t-look-at-me-you-pervert” face. If a girl is just intimidated by you, she’ll probably just cut her gaze short, look at the floor and act awkward. She’ll smile at you, but then walk away after an interaction because she’s nervous. Girls get super nervous around guys too! I know guys are all freaked out about asking a girl out, but girls can be so nervous around guys they like.

To be clear, if a girl doesn’t like you at all, she won’t smile at you, she won’t try to talk to you at all, she’ll just ignore you (and for some reason you guys LOVE that) and if she’s also giving you the stink-eye, yeah, she doesn’t really want to get to know you.

If she’s nervous, cutting her gaze short, smiling but then leaving quickly, looking at the floor, she just might like you, you devil, you.

How do you respond? Talk to her! If she likes you, she will light up and start chatting with you. If she doesn’t want to talk, see how she’s acting, pay attention to body language, and that will be your biggest clue.

Ok, gentlemen, I hope this clears up the mystery of “The Wild Card”.

Good luck!

Don’t Go After the Bad Girl, Good Girls are Way Better

Hello Gentlemen,

There is something alluring about a bad girl. Something about how she doesn’t want to bend over your every beck and call and she’s challenging, a mind of her own.

But there’s a difference between a bad girl, and a spoiled brat.

Even then, both aren’t great for you, a lot of guys mistake the spoiled brat as some challenging, bad girl, when really, nothing satisfies her, she’s very negative and you’ll have to live with nagging for the rest of your life if you choose to be with her.

See? Not really alluring anymore, right?

Meanwhile, the good girls are sitting at home, wondering why guys aren’t calling her back… and you totally overlooked her thinking she wasn’t challenging enough and she was boring. Big mistake.

Yes, there are nice girls that are boring and never do anything fun, but there are a lot of good girls out there that are a lot of fun, but you’re too busy chasing the bad ones to even notice anything good.

There are a lot of bad girls who like to play the field, date multiple guys and get you entangled in their web. These girls are called:

The Black Widow: She probably has a boyfriend and likes to complain to you about how horrible he is. She may go out with you and do more, but she still can’t leave her loser, rockband, messy hair, doofus boyfriend and you hope if you just hold out long enough, you may grab her admiration by being the puppy loser you are, she’ll realize that you’re way hotter than her idiot boyfriend. Sorry to break it to ya honey, but she ain’t ever leaving that boy, and you’re the sad sap picking up your broken heart all over the floor. She’s the Black Widow, because she sucks the life out of you, and you don’t even have her as a girlfriend. Weaksauce.

The Bachelorette: Everyone’s telling you this girl is bad, bad, bad, but not in a good way. She doesn’t get along with other girls, she whines but she knows how to stroke your ego and make you feel like a big man on campus. She’s manipulative, she’s the girl in EVERY single season of The Bachelor. They pick this girl on purpose to mess with all the other girls and seduce the guy, and he unwittingly falls for her smokescreen. The reason she’s challenging and alluring??? She’s a total brat! It’s not that she’s independent and knows what she wants, she’s COMPLETELY insecure, she doesn’t know how to not get what she wants and doesn’t handle life gracefully at all. Her not being satisfied doesn’t mean she has excellent taste, it means nothing does ever satisfy her and she’s totally negative and if you stick with her, you got someone who will complain at everything and never be happy. Totally sucks for you, dude. (For visual examples, check out episodes from the last season of The Bachelor, yep, her name is Tierra “The Eyebrow”)

The Tease: You just met her, and right away she’s sitting on your lap. She’s talking to you in a very familar way, perhaps stroking your big arms, then she leaps up and trotts away. Thing is, she’s like this with ALL men, and you’re not the lucky one. The Tease loves attention, even when she doesn’t like the guy at all, she wants all men to find her desirable, because, guess what? She’s insecure, so to get her jollies, she will flirt with any male, even a cat, to show her dominance over men. The Tease is very noticable when you don’t even really know her last name and she’s already breathing down your neck. Next.

These bad girls are alluring because they flatter your ego, big time. They make you feel like a big man and they manipulate very well. The way to catch a bad girl is to notice how she first acts with you, if she’s throwing herself at you right away, if she talks about her loser boyfriend and complains, or if she complains about where you go out to dinner, how girls don’t like her, and nothing seems to make her happy, but you… run far, far away.

Because if you do snag on of these bad girls, may be fun for a little bit, but you just snagged a really negative, insecure person. There’s lots of good girls out there that don’t complain about any inconvenience in life, who are secure about who they are and are happy with life.

A good girl will have a life going on, she will have many girlfriends, she knows how to take the hard knocks in life, and she is very interesting… but you will have to get to know her to find that out.

Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA from this blog, please write any questions, comments on my blog and this will help me with future blog topics. Help me, help you!

The First Date Kiss

Create fireworks!

Hello Gentlemen,

One of the exciting things about being single, is having that “first kiss”. Going on the first date, and ending the night with a fabulous kiss.

I think expecting a kiss on the first date isn’t a great set-up for success. Yes, sometimes kissing a person can get some things out of the way: are they a bad kisser? no chemistry?

I will have to argue, that some of the best first kisses occur after date 2 or 3, not date 1. If you can manage it, WAIT for the first kiss. When you get to know the person better and the anticipation of, “when will it happen?” makes it so much better.

Expecting a kiss at the end of the first date can be disastrous, most of the time you’re still getting to know each other and it can be too soon. Some of the best kisses I ever had were after the 2nd or 3rd date, because from the girl’s perspective, a guy usually tries to go in for a kiss after the 1st date. For me, that’s usually way too soon. But when you leave a girl waiting… then she’s in anticipation for the first kiss and it makes it so much more magical when it does happen.

And wouldn’t you rather want the girl to be in anticipation for the kiss than to be rushed into it? When you wait, you’re doing something most guys don’t have the patience for, so you’re already different from the others, plus you are starting to get to know the girl better, so you have a better gauge of when the timing is right.

So, if you can, prolong the wait and more often than not, it’ll be worth it.

What a Girl Really Really Wants

I’ll tell you want I want, what I really really want
So tell me what you want, what you really really want
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna
I wanna really really really wanna zigaziga hah!

Haha, sorry, I couldn’t resist quoting the Spice Girls with this post’s title, haha.

I’m going to tell you what a girl really REALLY wants! It’s actually really not that hard, and (shocker!) probably the same exact thing a guy wants.

No, not that!

What a girl really wants out of an amazing guy, one that will sweep her off her feet is one that listens to her. I’m probably not telling you anything groundbreakingly new, but it is something people forget when it comes to relationships.

I know for me, the guys that REALLY peak my interests are ones that really listen to me fully, that will let me talk about my love of music, who really want to hear about my dark past, and who asks questions and really want to get to know me. I mean, who doesn’t like someone they can really talk to and be heard? In this attention deficit society, people are not connecting in person as much, so when someone really takes the time to listen to you, fully, they really stick out.

I remember I was dating this doctor, handsome guy, very smart and we laughed a lot and one night I went to a lounge in San Francisco with some friends. I wasn’t really interested in talking to any guys because I had someone I was already dating (and I’m completely loyal like that, I hold onto the same purse until it breaks apart and I’m forced to buy a new one). Anyways, this Jonah Hill lookalike is with my group of friends and talking with me. He’s trying his darnest to flirt with me and I know it, but I don’t care and engage in conversation with him anyways. What was interesting, was he started to open up and talk to me about dating girls and how he really wanted a girlfriend, but instead settled for sleeping around.

I told him to wait, why have all that hollow stuff? Wait for the right girl. We got to talking more and I realized that I got a pang of guilt. I wanted the guy I was currently dating to talk to me and listen to me just like Jonah Hill guy.

Needless to say, Doctor and I didn’t work out, because, guess what? After a mishap he didn’t want to listen to me and things fell apart.

Hence, why this blog is called “The Single Guys Guide to Dating (By a Single Girl)”, but I digress…

What struck out on that night for me, was this stranger’s willingness to really listen to me and get to know me. I remembered that night and wanted henceforth for the next guy I date to give me that kind of attention. When someone is really interested in you, and not willing to listen to the Cliff Notes of your story, but actually learn about what makes you tick, you REALLY stick out from the group.

So, if there’s a girl out there you’re interested in, engage her in a conversation and get to know her, ask her questions and have her elaborate. She may subconsciously be attracted to you because, guess what? A lot of people don’t listen like that this day and age and it is really rare and special to give someone your time.

And I’m sure, deep down, you just want someone to understand you too.

How to Approach a Girl in Da Club: The 3 No-Nos

Hello Gentlemen,

We’re getting closer to the weekend (Happy Thursday!) and you may have plans to hit up the local club/bar/watering hole/chess match and you may meet a beautiful girl.

Don’t be caught being one of the creeps that girls flee from, avoid these creepster moves and you will have a better chance at scoring that cute girl’s phone number. Let’s go!:

1. Don’t stand against the wall alone staring at the dancefloor. This is always uber creepy. Pretty much every club I’ve been to since I was 18 (and especially at the 18+ clubs) there will be guys lined up against the walls of the dance floor, staring down their victims and waiting to pounce. Girls try not to notice this type of loser, but it just comes off with you looking like you have no friends, you’re just there to find a girl for some sexy time, and you’re probably much, much worse than we could ever imagine. Guys, go out with your girl friends, guy friends, SOMEBODY at the club. The only time it is acceptable to be caught alone drinking in public is at a local dive bar when you’re sitting at the bar having a drink. Other than that, it’s creepy, don’t do it!

2. Grinding the girl you desire from behind. It’s always the guys that you wouldn’t give the time of day that you find brushing up against your behind as you’re dancing with your girlfriends. Unbeknownst to you, this guy thinks it’s totally suave to just come up dancing behind you and expects you be drunk enough to turn around and not care. Most girls pull the, “oh no, I’m really a lesbian” dance and will grab the closest girl friend and dance with her to get the loser away. Don’t surprise the girl with a dance because for her, it’s mostly not a pleasant surprise, but a time to run in fear…

3. Bring your nerdy friend and jump in the middle of a girl cirlce and start dancing/talking with girls out of nowhere. Ok, there is a time when it’s acceptable to bring your wingman to help score the girls, but most of the time, if you just crash a girl group dancing… you better make sure you can at least move, and you and your boy are confident enough to be engaging. It can be weird for the girls and they try to smile, but they just want to get away. I think it’s better to approach a group of girls while they’re at the bar, they have the option of staying or leaving the bar. On the dance floor they now have to find another dance spot on the dance floor and sometimes that’s impossible, so they’re stuck with you and Screech for a few songs. If you meet them at the bar, you have a chance to talk and if she likes you, she’ll stick around. Or, another option, dance in your own group NEXT to a group of girls and see if you can get one of the girl’s attention, so much better than just crashing someone else’s cirlce and making things uncomfortable.

Additional note: It’s ok to buy the girl a drink (and you should) but if you want to save money and see if the girl likes you, engage in more conversation first. I have hanged out with girls that were professionals in swindling drinks out of guys and moving onto the next sucker. Talk with a girl for a bit, and after a song or two, then offer to buy her a drink (if she doesn’t already have a full drink in her hand). I (and most girls) always like the offer for a drink and if I like the guy, I will definitely talk to and dance with him for a while.

Other Quick Tips:
– Dress to impress, when in doubt, dress sharper than usual, it’ll make you look gooooooddd and you’ll look better than the other guys around you.
– Make sure to get your hair did and be so fresh and so clean. Bad B.O. in the club is a no-no.
– Bring some fun! Be in a good mood! Laugh! Joke around! Do silly dance moves with your pals! That always catches my eye, so make sure to bring your best self to the club.

Any other clubbing tips you’d like to add? Any horror club stories of your own?