It’s OK Being Single

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time no see! Today I want to talk to you about recovering from a break-up and why it’s a good idea to wait before jumping into a new relationship.

Let me tell you of a (horror)story. There was a man who was married with kids that had an extremely jealous wife. She was so jealous, he couldn’t even be caught talking to another woman. He suffered a while before divorcing her. Then he jumped into another marriage with another woman. Fast forward a bit and he went back to the former ex-wife after a death in the family. He is now back with the crazy ex-wife and he can’t even talk to women in person or over the phone AT ALL. His daughter also turned just as jealous as the mom.

I was told this was a great guy. I’m telling you guys this story so that you can avoid traps like these. You get into these traps when you can’t handle being alone, you don’t know how to take care of yourself, so you just jump into another relationship with a woman without getting to know her, but most importantly, without getting to know yourself.

You need a minimum of three months of not talking to your ex-girlfriend/wife after a break-up. After that, consider taking a year off after a long-term relationship that went bad before jumping into a new relationship.

“A year??? A whole year???” I hear you yelling at me. YES!!! ESPECIALLY if it was a LONG-TERM relationship. We’re talking 5+ years with a woman. You need time to get over her and LEARN what went wrong. Was she crazy? Were you crazy? Did you cheat on her? Did she cheat on you? Were you too trusting? Was she not around? You need to come to terms with what went wrong the relationship and learn more about who you are and what you want out of your NEXT relationship.

When I was online dating, unfortunately a lot of guys that contacted me JUST, like, JUST got out of a relationship, signed up on OKCupid and started messaging girls. They just could NOT be alone. A guy cancelled a date with me because he told me the night of that he had just broken up with a girlfriend of a few years a WEEK before. Seriously??? What are you doing online dating then? You need to be hanging out with your bros, not hitting up girls to boost your ego.

Don’t be that guy. Don’t go online dating and jumping into a relationship or heaven forbid, marriage right after a nasty break-up.

Just, forget about girls for a while. Focus on your job, do some volunteering. Grow up a bit. Clean up the pieces of your heart all over the floor before inviting another girl into that mess.

Because if you take the time to heal, you’ll be stronger, you’ll be aware WHAT a bad girl looks like and how to avoid her and you’ll increase the chances of finding someone better for you and stay in the new relationship longer.

Have a great weekend, Gentlemen.

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How to Break-Up with a Girl Gracefully

Hello Gentlemen!

Breaking up is hard to do
Breaking up is hard to do

Today we’re going to talk about something that I know you all have nightmares about. One of life’s scariest undertakings which usually make you grab your teddy in fear and hide under the covers.

Yes, today, we’re going to talk about how to break-up with a girl.

It’s ok, really. We’re gonna get through this. I’ll show you how.

First, let’s establish the relationship. Have you just gone on a few dates? Is this a long term relationship? Depending on the length of the relationship, will determine what kind of proper break-up you will need. Also, it depends if it’s been a nice going relationship or a turbulent one. If you’ve been in a violent, abusive relationship, you will need a restraining order in addition to breaking up with the girl at a safe distance.

But, assuming this is a normal relationship, things didn’t work out and you’re having trouble cutting the cord, here’s how you proceed.

If you’ve only had a few dates: You’ve only had one date or maybe 4 dates with the girl. It’s not working out, you don’t see a long term thing with her, or you’re hung up on you ex and not ready to have a new relationship, whatever the reasonings are, you need to end things with the girl.

If you only had ONE date with the girl, it’s fine to end things through a text message. This actually happened to me once, and I thought it was really the most nicest way a guy to end things. After one date, he texted me that he didn’t want to continue things with me, he needed to be single, but he thought I was nice and enjoyed the date. I wasn’t really feeling him that much either, but it was sweet for him to gently end things. It’s truly, truly frustrating for a girl to wait around for the guy to call/text you for a second date. And if she was really into you, those hours, days can be like torture. If you don’t want to see her again, she can’t argue with a nice text where you ended things nicely. You need to:

Give her a reason you don’t want to continue with the relationship (I need to be single, hung up on my ex, we’re looking for different things)

Tell her something nice about herself (she was generous, funny, had a nice first date, enjoyed talking with her)

And say good bye, maybe you don’t want to remain friends with her, and if you don’t, don’t say you will. Just thank her for her time.

Doing this will:

Increase your good karma. It’s good to treat others with respect, and if you treat these girls like a good guy, than she won’t have to deal with ANOTHER bad guy. Because what goes around, comes around.

If you’ve been dating this girl for a few months or long term: You need to break up in person. I know, it’s tough. Crying sucks, break-ups suck. But you need to do it. She’ll cry (or won’t, maybe you’ll cry) but you need to handle this like a man and break up in person. Similar rules apply to the advice above, but now timing is much more important.

Don’t break up with a girl:

-On her birthday

-On Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, or any other big holiday.

– Right before or during her graduation (or a similar big day, like a show she’s performing in, etc. She has to focus on something else besides her relationship and it’ll also ruin that big day for her)

Just wait a day or so when these events are over, also if someone close to her dies, just wait a week before breaking up.

When breaking up, you need to find a quiet space so you two can talk together. Be calm and tell her why things aren’t working out and why you need to move on. She may argue, cry, try to win you back, but if you know it’s for the better, remain calm and be strong. After breaking up, leave. Don’t linger, don’t hang around and definitely don’t keep seeing her after the fact.

You need at LEAST three months apart. That means no text messaging, no calling, no seeing each other in person. If you have similar friends, avoid each other. You need that time to move on so you don’t just get back together just because you miss each other. You have to stick to this rule. You both won’t be able to move on if you keep seeing each other.

After three months, you may attempt to be friends, but usually, that’s a tough case and you may not want to be friends. Give yourself and her some time to move on before crossing that bridge.

Phew! Not such a fun topic! But I hope that helps you guys. Be a gentleman and treat the girl with respect and end things graciously and you’ll have an easier time in life.

Until next time!