The Bad Boys Complex: Why girls like them, and how you can learn from them

Hello Gentlemen,

Today we’re going to dissect the anatomy of a “Bad Boy”, why girls are attracted to them, and how you can learn from them into being more attractive to girls.

First, we’ll start off with the science of “Bad Boy” attraction. There is actually a science to this (amazingly). Going back to the caveman, early ancestory of human beings, when shit hit the fan, who was more likely to survive? Say, a wooly mammoth was charging down a village of our ancestors, who would be most likely to survive? The guy that fights valiantly against the mammoth to save the village? The one that puts himself in front of his family to save the women and children? Or the douchebag that runs away while everyone else is fighting the beast?

It’s the douchebag. He survives, he knows how to save his thick skin by being selfish. Women know that, in some weird subconscious part of our brain, that the douchebag will survive because he knows how to save himself, and I guess we like the survivors. We want to breed with survivors (I know weird, but I analyze a lot of dating habits to evolution). Bad boys also have a look to them (hence why some girls LOVE Chris Brown, and I personally don’t get it at all…). They don’t look happy, they kind of slouch, and they walk in that dragging arms, puffing out chest manly walk that attracts the girls. The bad guy is dangerous, and mysterious…

And the mystery, gentlemen, is something you must use to your advantage.

I’m going to next illustrate my points with the ever to popular “Twilight” movies. Why? Because if you haven’t been living under a rock in the past few years, you KNOW girls like vampires and that movie is like, let me quote a famous bad boy, John Mayer here, “sexual napalm” for women.

If you’ve seen the movies, good for you, you’ll have a better understanding of what I’m going to describe, if you haven’t, don’t fret, my pet, I’ll explain for you.

Edward Cullen, or the “glittery” vampire is a classic example of what women find insanely attractive. He has the bad boy’s qualities, but besides being ridiculously handsome in his pasty, white make-up, it’s more about how he ACTS than how he LOOKs.

When people first get a glimpse of this vampire, there are key things to notice. He’s pretty quiet, he’s not smiling much, he stands tall, but not too tall, he’s calm, confident and well groomed. He’s not annoying at all. He acts very proper. Bella, the girl in the movie who is attracted to Edward, is instantly attracted. Well, why wouldn’t she? The other male examples in the movie are pretty much what you would see in ANY high school (or college, or work place or Cracked.com…) guys just acting like idiots. The two other guys vying for Bella’s attention (and failing miserably) ask her out on dates and she totally blows them off. The “other” guys are loud, obnoxious, and in one scene, one of them grabs a stick with the worm on the end and shows Bella the worm, like it’s the most hilarious thing to have a worm on a stick.

Um, no.

Being goofy with your pals, farting, joking around, jumping around, acting like a little kid, playing video games, being obsessed with “she’s hot!” and exclaiming to your single guy friends is not attractive to women.

See it this way, would you act that goofy and juvenile at a job interview? No, you have to bring your best “A” game. It’s the same with dating. A cool, calm, collected, confident gentleman is WAY hotter than a bumbling, annoying boy. The bad guy acts cool, and knows how to show his confidence, without throwing it in everyone’s face. The loud guy may be funny and entertaining, but at the end of the day, a girl wants a MAN not a BOY.

Edward Cullen exudes confidence, and also, he’s really into the girl. Now, I know he is an EXTREME example, all he does really is hang out with his family and pursue Bella. But, this kind of attention is appealing to girls. He’s not playing 5 hours of video games and hanging out with his frat boy friends, he’s devoted to her.

I know what you’re saying, “but I like my video games!” and “my friends are hilarious!”

I’m sure they’re all swell, and you don’t have to give them up for a girl. When you pursue a girl, when you are around her, give her attention, don’t let her come over and watch you play video games or hang out with your half-brained friends. That’s what “Guys Nights” are for. You can be silly and fart as much as you want, but keep that around your friends at first when you’re trying to “woo” that new girl.

By all means, PLEASE be yourself, but in the beginning, bring some mystery into the romance. Use movies like “Twilight” as visual cues. Dress well for your dates and understand that you don’t have to BE a bad boy to attract women, just use their tricks to do so. Don’t talk about yourself all night on the first date, remember to be confident in just being yourself. Groom yourself well, you want your date to regular bathe as well, right? Wear clothes that fit you well, smile, but don’t be a grinning idiot, and be calm.

If conversation fails, ask a question to get her to open up. Because Edward was all about pursuing her, not about how he drank himself into an oblivion and passed out while playing Halo. Pursue the girl and keep calm. You’ll get there.

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How NOT to First Time Message a Girl through Online Dating: The 5 No-Nos

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Try a little harder, buddy

So, you’ve been cruising and perusing through your OKCupid/PlentyofFish/Match.com/HowAboutWe online dating site. You know it’s tough to get a response from some of the hot chicks you see online. How do you grab their attention? How can you INCREASE the likelihood that she will respond back?

Well, hold on to you computer chair armrests, because these are the Top 5 No-Nos when it comes to first initiating contact to a real live female in the interwebz.

1. The Grenade Blast – You think you’re SOOO clever. Just message 500 girls the same message and you’re bound to get at least ONE girl to respond back to you right?

The problem with the grenade approach for any girl worth half her wits, is you can smell it a website away and leaves the girl feeling that much more NOT special. A typical grenade blast usually looks like this:

Hey girl, you’re so beautiful. My name is —- and I love to surf, hike (blah, blah, blah), we should totally hang out or something and get coffee“.

Here’s the grenade blast which also pairs up with “The Resume” (quite a popular one with the Silicon Valley nerds).

Hi there, my name is —- and I grew up in —-, I work at —- and live in —-. I am loyal, honest, and I enjoy cooking. I would be a great boyfriend and you should let me show you, I am caring, thoughtful and I am looking for an honest relationship….. (on an on for about a page)”

What’s wrong with these previous examples? Should I let you guess? What’s GLARINGLY obvious?

It’s all about the guy! How many times can this guy talk about himself? It’s obvious he took one look at the girl’s picture, decided “the grenade blast will do well here: Initiate Mission” and start sending the same message about yourself over and over. Hopefully telling a girl how fabulous you are, or better yet, keep it short but mention NOTHING about her profile will win her over, right?

Totally wrong. There is nothing in these messages that indicates that the guy even read the girl’s profile. Also, the reason why a guy has a profile is so the girl can scope out his profile without him giving a resume on why he would be the best boyfriend ever. And you totally know not to trust someone when they say, “trust me“.

The bottom line: The problem is the guy in these messages is making the very first contact about himself, and nothing about the girl. The “beautiful” remark can be said of any girl, so there’s nothing valuable to that. When first messaging a girl, write about something in HER profile so she knows you like HER and she isn’t getting an automated message and isn’t one of the 1,000 girls that got the same message. Also, when you comment on something in her profile, there is some conversation to start out on and can make her feel special.

Cause she is damn special. Sheesh.

2. “Hi” – I REALLY don’t have to go too much into this one, because you obviously didn’t put much thought into this one. Whenever a guy doesn’t give ANY effort to writing a first message and writes “Hi” and nothing else. I just move on faster to another profile. How cheap/unattentive/boring is this guy?

The bottom line: Put SOME effort into writing a first message to a girl, or else she won’t put any effort in writing you back.

3. The “Neg/Insult” – This is an ACTUAL message I got from a guy:

“I can’t decide whether you’re really hot or I suppose the alternative would be not to be. I mean it’s clear that you’re attractive and you might be really hot but darn I swear I just can’t bloody tell.”

Yes, wow. So, am I supposed to be like… how am I supposed to feel after a message like that? Don’t insult a girl in your first message (or second…) It won’t make her like you more. This guy is NOT hot at all, so the debate if I’m hot or not doesn’t matter to me, because I could tell in a millisecond I wouldn’t give him the time of day (or directions to Grant Street in SF) if I saw him in person. Insulting a girl doesn’t raise YOUR value. There’s a difference in jesting and joking and just being insulting.

The bottom line: There’s a better way to be funny and catch a girl’s attention, the insult just makes you look like a passive aggressive nerfherder.

4. “The Baffler” – Here is another gem of a baffler first message I got:

Do you like milk with ice?” and “Do you wear socks to bed?”

That is it. That’s all they wrote. Just a dumb ass question. Is Men’s Health Magazine or one of those dumb men’s magazines giving you this advice to ask a girl a really stupid question? How is that even a pick up line? This is just beyond silly and makes me confused.

The bottom line: Don’t confuse the poor girl, she’s already confused enough with online dating.

5. The Cheesiest pick-up line – And finally, the grand tamale, another real first message from my online dating adventures:

You’re so hot, I would buy you a happy meal and let you keep the toy

And this was from a guy that was 7 years younger than me. Really makes me feel like a cougar @_@

Cheesy pick-up lines are already hard enough in real life, and women still can’t escape them on the interwebz? Will the madness never end?

The bottom line: If you think that cheesy pick-up line wouldn’t work in real life, don’t even think about applying that hush puppy in real life.

Well, then, Single Girl, how DO you message a girl for the first time?

Keep the first message short, 3-5 sentences will do. Mention something you read in her profile, “you enjoy glacier rock-climbing? What a small world!?” and if you want to tease her, go ahead, “you like Miyazaki movies? You can’t be ALL that bad!”. You don’t need to tell her she’s pretty (yet), leave that for the real, live first date. Tell her to have a good day and leave it at that. You don’t need to ask her for coffee right away, just make a short exchange at first, be funny and show that you read her DAMN PROFILE *ahem* and she will think of you as a charming guy.

Phew! Write your online dating adventures in the comments below, how is messaging girls online for you?

Advice from a Single Girl to all those Single Guys

Hello Gentlemen,

I’ve been thinking for some time about starting this blog. As a single girl (for quite some time now), there are a lot of issues I come across when it comes to dating (i.e. does that guy even know HOW to be likeable?). There are a lot of hurdles when it comes to dating: online dating profile or not? texing vs. calling? Dinner or coffee on the first date?

Unfortunately (maybe fortunately for you), I’ve been on SEVERAL first dates. Lots of online dates and meeting guys in real life (who knew?) and there are trends, themes that I come across and a lot of advice I’d LOVE to give my dates, but can be really rude to tell a stranger.

So, this is where this blog comes in. I’m going to tell you single guys HOW to treat a lady, how to get her attention, how to NOT be a creepy and increase your chances of getting that girl you’ve been eyeing on OK Cupid to message you back. There are factors to consider and one of the biggest things guys out there need to understand, is when it comes to dating STOP putting yourself first and start putting your date first.

We will grow together, cry together, laugh together and we will argue together, and this may happen in the first few blog posts, but I will get my advice out to you guys from a REAL LIVE GIRL, not some other dude trying to make money off of you with some scheme to “neg” a girl to get her to sleep with you.

No, we will figure out this crazy world of dating and I will give you advice for the first date and beyond.

Stay tuned…