Cheaters Anonymous

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time, no chat. Thanks for checking out this blog, even though I haven’t been as active, this blog is still getting a lot of views, so it encourages me to continue writing in here. As always, any questions you have about dating, or any stories you’d like to share, please comment on any of these posts and I will get back to you.

Let’s talk about cheating today. Not a pleasant topic and for the one being cheated on, it can break a person knowing the person you love is well, loving someone else.

I’m going to talk about both angles of cheating. I’ve been cheated on before, and it made me insecure in subsequent relationships where I thought guys would always do that to me. I felt foolish. I also thought about cheating once and I realized that it wasn’t worth it to cheat.

Why is it not worth it to cheat? I know it’s tempting to dip one foot into the pool and get the best of both worlds, but no one really deserves to be cheated on. Even if that person is a jerk, they don’t deserve it. You can rationalize away why you should cheat, you’re not getting enough attention, they don’t listen to you, etc. If that’s the case, you need to make clear to that person that they’re driving you away and ruining your relationship.

You also need to be prepared to walk away from that relationship if you are looking to cheat. The minute you start omitting that you have a significant other and start flirting with other people and hanging out with them alone, you know you’re jumping into dangerous territory.

If you’re really that insecure to be alone that you need to cheat because you don’t know what you want, you REALLY need to be alone. You need to step away from your current relationship and be single for a bit before jumping into something new.

You know what I notice in men? That they jump to relationship to relationship awfully quickly, even when they’re not over their ex.

I went on a first date once where the guy couldn’t stop talking about his bad ex-girlfriend. Then a few days after the date he texted me that he still wasn’t over his ex. Yeah, no duh. Of course.

Also, ask yourself, why are you cheating? Not getting what you want out of the relationship? Then ask for it. And if you will never get what you want out of the relationship, the door is over there and you can see yourself out. Be an adult and break up, then pursue something new. Because if you cheat on someone with someone else, that other person will always wonder if you’re going to do them wrong the same way…

And you kind of just broke your trust with that new relationship too. You’ve shown that person that you can sneak around to find what you want.

If you have been cheated on, that can be rough. You start to doubt yourself in relationships and wonder if anyone really likes you for you, or is just looking around the corner for something new.

If you’re in a relationship right now where you can’t trust the person, ask yourself these few questions:

1. How new is this relationship?

If you’ve just started to date this person for a month and they’ve shown you no reason to be jealous, then try your darnest not to be the green-eyed monster, because the minute you start trying to control someone else, you’re breaking that relationship and the only thing you need to control is yourself. YES, YOURSELF. You cannot control another human being, you can only control your own emotions. I’ve seen couples living with each other and the guy could not stop being jealous and accusing his girlfriend of trying to date other guys and attracting attention. You know what happened? She broke up with him because he could never trust her. Don’t be that guy.

2. Has it been 6 months and you still can’t trust your S.O.?

If it’s been several months/years and you still can’t trust the person you’ve been dating, you’re settling for low standards. Yes, you are settling because you think you don’t deserve better. After a few months if you can’t trust that person and you think that every good looking person that walks in the door is grabbing the attention of your honey bunny, you got a big problem. The answer is you’re being WAY too jealous, or that person is really looking for other people. There is no good way to change yourself or them at that point and you really need to leave that relationship. Because you are never going to trust them and years will go by and that will suck ass. Seriously. Been there, done that. I was in a relationship where I couldn’t trust the guy at all. I just KNEW something was wrong. And then the day we broke up (because we kept fighting and I couldn’t trust him) he left me a big bombshell revelation. I can’t repeat, but lets say that he was living a lie to most people in his life and they had no idea what kind of secret he was holding in around everyone. It was bad and he was a jerk and my gut instinct was true. He was not an honest person, and that’s why I couldn’t trust him for the life of me.

So again, if you’ve been with someone for ages and you’re still jealous. Either you’re crazy or you’re right, and both results are bad. You need to leave that relationship and raise your standards.

Because you can find someone that you trust. I’m with someone now that I trust. One day we were at a party and a super cute, younger girl went up to my man and started hitting on him. You know what I did? Nothing, I went back to doing whatever I was doing because I knew he would handle it. He did. The girl came over to me and asked who my boyfriend was. I pointed over to the guy she just tried to hit on. She really wanted to know if he was taken. My point is, I trusted him enough because I trusted us. I knew that our relationship was strong enough that a younger, cuter girl than me wouldn’t phase him at all. Because our relationship is unique and we’re happy with each other.

If that was several years ago, I would have lost my shit because I didn’t trust guys, I just kept thinking they would try to get someone better than me. I was single, did my time and confident in myself and my relationships that that kind of thing doesn’t worry me at all.

You can be like that too. So, don’t lower your standards. If something ain’t right, walk away and have dignity. Don’t do people wrong. It will come back to you in your next relationships.

Until next time.

 

 

 

How to Buy a Present for your Girlfriend

Hello Gentlemen,

Today I’m going to walk you through how to buy a present for your girlfriend. Now, buying presents for a girl is completely different than what men usually want when they get a present.

Men usually want a present they can use: tools, BBQ sets, cookware, watches, shoes, etc. You guys like things that are functional, and when you’re looking down at the universal remote you use from your girlfriend, you smile and think what a great girlfriend she is.

But women, are different animals. Sometimes we hint at what we want, sometimes there’s no hint and you’re supposed to read her mind. Women want different things out of a present. We usually don’t want functional things as a present. Alas, in my view, I can buy some functional thing on my own, but from a boyfriend/husband, you want something sentimental and pretty. Either something with meaning to you two as a couple or something pretty that makes her look pretty or is pretty.

Girls don’t want the piece of jewelry EVERYONE else is getting because that doesn’t make HER feel special. This is where your sleuthing skills really need to kick into gear.

What does she like? Really ask yourself this before blindly running through the mall asking sales girls what they like. I remember working at Bath and Body Works one Christmas season when I was young and the men coming in for their wives and girlfriends were like shooting fish in a barrel. They had no idea what their significant other liked, so they just picked the most popular scent in a gift basket and called it a day. But after Christmas was over, guess who came in and returned the presents? The women who got it from their boyfriends because he didn’t know what she liked and exchanged for something she did like.

It’s not rocket science to find out what she likes, because she’ll probably show you or tell you. Is she into Etsy products? Does she like knitting? Is she into shoes? Movies? Video games? Dancing? Art?

One thing that’s always a great idea is an experience together. Take a painting class together, they have PaintNites over over the U.S. If she loves dancing, start taking Salsa classes together, if she likes cooking, do a cooking class together. Women love sharing experiences together as a couple.

They also want you to think about the present too. If she has a deep love of all things Anime and Totoro and you get her this rare stuffed animal that she didn’t even know about it, she’ll be totally happy and cherish the gift you gave her.

What I’m trying to say is keep in mind these things: get her something that shows you think of the details, something you two as a couple can share together, or something that makes HER feel special.

Although speakers for your home system sounds awesome, unless it’s something she’s asked for, she’s just going to assume it’s something for yourself and not her. Remember when Homer bought Marge a bowling ball? But it was really for him? Yeah, don’t do that.

I hope that helps you on a quest for the best present for your girl!

Until next time!

Top 10 Signs She’s NOT Into You

Hello Gentlemen,

In light of this recent Match.com article, “Signs She’s Seriously Smitten with you” with a Top 10 non-verbal cues that women do to show if they’re interested in a man.

Well, since these signs are usually fairly obvious, with hair flipping and gazing longingly into your eyes; I think you guys would benefit on how women show they’re NOT into you. Since, well, some guys still persist in pursuing a girl when she feels she’s given you all the signs she’s not interested, here’s a clear guide if you can’t read the signs.

#1: She crosses her arms, legs, looks away from you or has her body facing away from you

Hate to break it to ya, but if it looks like she physically is repulsed by you, can’t make eye contact and is trying to look for someone else to start talking to, she’s not into you.

#2: She doesn’t laugh at anything you say

You know, the funny thing about liking a guy, is that even when he makes a bad joke, a girl is still going to laugh. It’s weird, as girls, we’ll start laughing loudly at the easiest of puns, and the most common jokes, like the guy is Aziz Ansari. A girl shows initial interest in a guy by finding everything he says funny. So, if she’s not laughing at anything… well, you know.

#3: She becomes quiet or starts talking to someone else

If you find it hard to start a dialogue with her and you’re asking all the questions and she’s responding with one word short answers and not asking you questions back, she’s not feeling it. She may also start talking to someone else and start avoiding you. She may start looking around the room to find someone, anyone else to talk to. Her eyes will dart around trying to find hope that she doesn’t have to endure a second longer with you. Nope, doesn’t mean she’s shy, she’s just not interested in you.

#4: She tells you she’s busy- ALL the time

If you’re trying to meet up with her and she always says she’s busy, without offering an alternate available date, she’s trying to be kind to you, by not flat out telling you she will see you– never! A girl who’s interested will make time for you within the week. At least! If she doesn’t make any time, not withstanding an impending wedding or final exam week, she’s going to always be busy. Always.

#5: You try dancing with her, and all of a sudden, she turns into a lesbian!

You see a cute girl, you start grinding. You’re hot… kinda. And then she notices you, and rushes straight to her girlfriends and starts jumping all over them furiously. This doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian-werewolf all of a sudden. It means she’ll do anything to get away from you. So, leave her alone already.

#6: She doesn’t ask any questions about you

She doesn’t care about getting to know you. No questions, she may blab about herself, but shows no interest in who you are… which is saying she has no interest in you.

#7: She talks about other guys around you

A girl wouldn’t want you to feel like you need to compete with all these other guys that she likes. She won’t talk about how hot Leo was in The Great Gatbsy, or her crush on Charlie Hunam. Or talk about all the guys she’s dating. She wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression… that she doesn’t like you.

#8: She doesn’t look you in the eye

If she likes you, she’s going to want to look into your beautiful eyes. But if you get the feeling she’s just trying to look around you and avoids your gaze whenever you look at her… she’s either stupid shy, or just not into you. And I doubt the shy thing unless you’re in middle school… and if you’re in middle school, you’re too young to date! Wait until high school!

#9: She only hangs out with you in groups

She’s down to hang out, with several other people around. She’ll go to the movie, bars, clubs, with lots of other people besides yourself. But when you suggest a romantic dinner for two… she changes it to a party of 10. Yeah, she doesn’t want to be alone with you, sorry.

#10: She tells you she doesn’t want to date anyone right now

Women who say they gotta focus on their career/school/life and can’t be in a relationship right now, means they don’t want a relationship with you. You may think she’s playing hard to get or has other things in her life, but honestly, most girls would love to be seeing a guy after working hard all day. You’re just not the one she wants to relax with.

That’s it! I hope this list makes things crystal clear for you, and if not, write down in the comments what you think.

5 Reasons why the men of ‘Twilight’ and ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ are the same

Hello Gentlemen,

Today we’re gonna have some fun with romance books turned into movies and how they’re emulating through media. The Twilight movies were a hit amongst women, young and old. It wasn’t just for teenagers (I can attest to that!), but I’ve noticed strikingly similar themes between Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey that I wanted to point out to you guys. I’m not saying these themes are the end all of be all of how men should act towards women. No, some of these examples in real life AREN’T cool. Being obsessed with a girl and having no friends is not what healthy relationships are made of. This list is something interesting to look at as to what women fantasize about, but also what women shouldn’t really be liking when it comes to men, but ultimately, what is the core of what women want?

Let’s find out. Dust off your Twilight DVD and Fifty Shades of Grey paperbacks and let’s go on a journey…

 

1. The main male characters are utterly obsessed with the female main characters. Like “can’t-stop-thinking-about-her-crazy-stalker” obsessed.

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Why do these men constantly think of the female characters? Women can obsess about men. Sorry, we do. We wonder when you’re gonna call us in the early stages of dating and thinking about guys is fun. What’s appealing to Twilight and FSOG is that these guys think about these girls all the time. They want to be around her and in a way, “control” her. Edward from Twilight is always “watching” Bella. Even when she can’t see him, he has an eye on her. That’s way stalkerish. There’s a fine line that can easily be crossed when a guy is “watching” a girl all the time. I guess it’s welcome when the girl LIKES the guy, but in REAL LIFE, that’s still a bit crazy to have a guy constantly know where you are. In Fifty Shades of Grey, Mr. Christian Grey likes to literally “control” his women. In the bedroom. But, he also likes to control where Anna works, and what she drives… and wears… Yeah, no. This is not flattering and your partner is not your father. Women don’t like to be told what to do, or what to wear, etc.

To Be or Not to Be: Not to be. Don’t obsess about your girl to the point that you want to control her. In real life, these fantasies cannot work. Let the girl be herself, do her own thing, but tell her that you think of her and miss her when she’s not around.

 

2. The main male characters have no friends…

Not only are Edward and Mr. Grey completely obsessed with their love interests respectively, they don’t really hang out with “the guys”. I can see on one hand this is appealing to most girls, and on the other hand, how this is very unhealthy for relationships. C’mon, girls, you know a “night out with the guys” could entail one of the single guys to enlist his friends to be his wingmen to get a girl. So, a guy going out with only guys could mean trouble, if they’re hitting on girls, drinking, partying, that kind of thing. Or maybe they all sit and watch football every Sunday and play videogames until the wee hours of the night. These behaviors aren’t too appealing to women (except if she’s just as into video games, Monday Night Football and helping your boys score), so, just eliminating that prospect all together is more romantic to women. They just want the guy to be focused on them, instead of ditching them for their nerdy friends for a weekend at Comic Con. Oh the horror!

But as much as a girl would love to get rid of her boyfriend’s douche friends, it’s quite important he HAS friends. It’s completely unhealthy to not have a social life outside of your love life. So, make friends, keep boys’ night a mystery to your girlfriend. Don’t do stupid things when your girl isn’t around.

The bottom line: Girls would love for men to get rid of their dumb friends, but guys, keep your friends. This is real life, not a movie.

 

3. They’re both young, rich, white and can fly.

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I always thought Twilight was a little racist. Bella picked Edward, this rich, white dude, over Jacob, her best friend who was Native American and no where nearly as rich as Edward. Jacob was at least warm-blooded. Oh yeah, and if you’re a vampire, you’re gonna save a TON of money not eating food. Of course you’re gonna be loaded when you don’t eat food.

But besides the point, Edward doesn’t technically fly as he can jump like, up a huge tree. He’s supposed to be “17” but technically is like a hundred and something. But hey, plastic surgery and botox can do miracles.

Mr. Grey, he’s in his 20s, filthy rich, white and he flies his own helicopter. Anna doesn’t care that he can buy her clothes or a car, and insists that he doesn’t. Because she’s independent, you know. But he still buys her stuff and she accepts grudgingly. I totally HATE when guys buy me cars!

Bella and Anna insist that they love the man for who they are despite being a vampire/rich/good-looking. But those things do help.

Unfortunately, in America, this is the stereotype of the ideal male. Don’t throw rocks at me, because we ALL know the ideal woman. It’s thrown in our faces every day at the supermarkets. But these movies depict this stereotype of what women want.

It’s not all true, though. Being rich, young and non-prejudiced isn’t what ALL women want. Everyone wants something different. As beauty may not be your top priority when it comes to dating women, riches may not be their top priority either. Remember, these books/movies are stereotypes of a fantasy, and this example is pretty ridiculous. Don’t change yourself to try to be someone else’s ideal.

Besides, I was Team Jacob anyways.

 

4. They both want to hurt their loves but restrain themselves

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This one is the most disturbing trait of all. Edward is a vampire, and like all vampires, he likes human blood. But he’s a “vegetarian” and doesn’t drink human blood. But, Bella, she’s so desirable… so he’s always fighting the urge to HURT her. He resists a few times, and gives her a few bruises another time. But it’s weird.

And Mr. Grey, well, that’s the whole S&M thing where he wants to dominate Anna, but he tries to be nice with her and not hurt her.

It’s disturbing how domestic violence has seeped into mainstream literature in a disguised way. These guys don’t get angry and want to beat up their girlfriends. But there is a level of fear these women have towards the men. Knowing that the men are strong enough to hurt them.

Women are afraid of men. We’re afraid that when we go on an online date, we’ll get kidnapped and be never seen again. I know women that won’t go online dating for this reason. Sometimes you never know who you’re dating, if they’re creepy and a serial killer. Who knows? I think these books/movies play into that fear of women. Kind of like a horror movie. We watch horror movies to deal with our own lives. Dating’s scary? Watch Fifty Shades of Grey.

This is quite a difficult topic, and there are definitely no clear lines drawn as to if this is a depiction of domestic violence to, just something kinky.

Just remember, guys, dating is not only difficult, but kinda scary sometimes to women. They’re afraid of getting hurt in more ways than one. We’re not terrified of men, but there are certain precautions ALL women have to take to protect themselves. That’s why, taking things slowly, is always the best way to start dating. Take your time so you both can trust each other.

 

5. They act like refined, sophisticated, mysterious gentlemen

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There’s a scene in the first Twilight movie that really stuck out to me, and that I feel like embodies how most women would like to view their potential mate. There’s a scene where Bella is having lunch with her dad and the high school boys are outside the restaurant window, acting crazy. They’re in the windows, shaking their butts (this was before twerking), laughing, being loud, etc. Bella’s dad asks her if she likes any of those boys. She’s like, hell no. Haha. Of course not. And whenever Edward walks in, he’s quiet, mysterious, and doesn’t make an ass out of himself.

Same with Mr. Grey. He’s the businessman, and the vision of mystery. I read the 2nd book in the series and I still dunno what his deal is. WHY IS HE TORTURED??? WHY??? Mr. Grey acts professional, doesn’t blab about anything and gets stuff done.

Both of these men, even though they’re tortured and weird and all that, act like gentlemen. They don’t act super goofy and weird. They act very sophisticated and they’re mysterious because they don’t talk too much about themselves.

Here’s tips you should walk away with: When first dating a girl, this is the most mysterious you will ever be to her in a relationship. Before farting becomes the norm when you’re living together. Try to remain as mysterious as long as you can! Be honest about yourself, but there is absolutely no need to divulge your whole family history, your day-to-day work and all your favorite movies all in one go. Get to know her slowly, as your date will get to know you slowly. If you’re a funny guy, by all means, be funny. But act like a gentleman, open doors, pull out her chair. Your date WILL notice. Be chivalrous. Take tips from these men on how to present yourself. Dress well for your date. Cut your hair and trim your beard. Looking on point always helps.

 

Phew! That was a lot! We’ll see how these Fifty Shades of Grey movies pan out. These books have captivated the nation, if not the world, so there’s something going on here, and these men are very similar. They do play to certain female fantasies, but, not all fantasies play well in real life. Another thing I also noticed is that they both tilt their heads down and look up. Look at all the above pictures, they’re all doing the same pose. Just for kicks, try that out in a club. You could look super sexy, or super scary. See if it works! Hah!

Key Takeaways: Don’t give up your friends, don’t change who you are and be respectful of women. Dating is scary in more ways than one for women. Remember to act like a gentlemen, reveal yourself slowly and treat her like a lady.

 

Until next time!

It’s OK Being Single

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time no see! Today I want to talk to you about recovering from a break-up and why it’s a good idea to wait before jumping into a new relationship.

Let me tell you of a (horror)story. There was a man who was married with kids that had an extremely jealous wife. She was so jealous, he couldn’t even be caught talking to another woman. He suffered a while before divorcing her. Then he jumped into another marriage with another woman. Fast forward a bit and he went back to the former ex-wife after a death in the family. He is now back with the crazy ex-wife and he can’t even talk to women in person or over the phone AT ALL. His daughter also turned just as jealous as the mom.

I was told this was a great guy. I’m telling you guys this story so that you can avoid traps like these. You get into these traps when you can’t handle being alone, you don’t know how to take care of yourself, so you just jump into another relationship with a woman without getting to know her, but most importantly, without getting to know yourself.

You need a minimum of three months of not talking to your ex-girlfriend/wife after a break-up. After that, consider taking a year off after a long-term relationship that went bad before jumping into a new relationship.

“A year??? A whole year???” I hear you yelling at me. YES!!! ESPECIALLY if it was a LONG-TERM relationship. We’re talking 5+ years with a woman. You need time to get over her and LEARN what went wrong. Was she crazy? Were you crazy? Did you cheat on her? Did she cheat on you? Were you too trusting? Was she not around? You need to come to terms with what went wrong the relationship and learn more about who you are and what you want out of your NEXT relationship.

When I was online dating, unfortunately a lot of guys that contacted me JUST, like, JUST got out of a relationship, signed up on OKCupid and started messaging girls. They just could NOT be alone. A guy cancelled a date with me because he told me the night of that he had just broken up with a girlfriend of a few years a WEEK before. Seriously??? What are you doing online dating then? You need to be hanging out with your bros, not hitting up girls to boost your ego.

Don’t be that guy. Don’t go online dating and jumping into a relationship or heaven forbid, marriage right after a nasty break-up.

Just, forget about girls for a while. Focus on your job, do some volunteering. Grow up a bit. Clean up the pieces of your heart all over the floor before inviting another girl into that mess.

Because if you take the time to heal, you’ll be stronger, you’ll be aware WHAT a bad girl looks like and how to avoid her and you’ll increase the chances of finding someone better for you and stay in the new relationship longer.

Have a great weekend, Gentlemen.

How to Break-Up with a Girl Gracefully

Hello Gentlemen!

Breaking up is hard to do

Today we’re going to talk about something that I know you all have nightmares about. One of life’s scariest undertakings which usually make you grab your teddy in fear and hide under the covers.

Yes, today, we’re going to talk about how to break-up with a girl.

It’s ok, really. We’re gonna get through this. I’ll show you how.

First, let’s establish the relationship. Have you just gone on a few dates? Is this a long term relationship? Depending on the length of the relationship, will determine what kind of proper break-up you will need. Also, it depends if it’s been a nice going relationship or a turbulent one. If you’ve been in a violent, abusive relationship, you will need a restraining order in addition to breaking up with the girl at a safe distance.

But, assuming this is a normal relationship, things didn’t work out and you’re having trouble cutting the cord, here’s how you proceed.

If you’ve only had a few dates: You’ve only had one date or maybe 4 dates with the girl. It’s not working out, you don’t see a long term thing with her, or you’re hung up on you ex and not ready to have a new relationship, whatever the reasonings are, you need to end things with the girl.

If you only had ONE date with the girl, it’s fine to end things through a text message. This actually happened to me once, and I thought it was really the most nicest way a guy to end things. After one date, he texted me that he didn’t want to continue things with me, he needed to be single, but he thought I was nice and enjoyed the date. I wasn’t really feeling him that much either, but it was sweet for him to gently end things. It’s truly, truly frustrating for a girl to wait around for the guy to call/text you for a second date. And if she was really into you, those hours, days can be like torture. If you don’t want to see her again, she can’t argue with a nice text where you ended things nicely. You need to:

– Give her a reason you don’t want to continue with the relationship (I need to be single, hung up on my ex, we’re looking for different things)

– Tell her something nice about herself (she was generous, funny, had a nice first date, enjoyed talking with her)

– And say good bye, maybe you don’t want to remain friends with her, and if you don’t, don’t say you will. Just thank her for her time.

Doing this will:

–Increase your good karma. It’s good to treat others with respect, and if you treat these girls like a good guy, than she won’t have to deal with ANOTHER bad guy. Because what goes around, comes around.

If you’ve been dating this girl for a few months or long term: You need to break up in person. I know, it’s tough. Crying sucks, break-ups suck. But you need to do it. She’ll cry (or won’t, maybe you’ll cry) but you need to handle this like a man and break up in person. Similar rules apply to the advice above, but now timing is much more important.

Don’t break up with a girl:

-On her birthday

-On Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, or any other big holiday.

– Right before or during her graduation (or a similar big day, like a show she’s performing in, etc. She has to focus on something else besides her relationship and it’ll also ruin that big day for her)

Just wait a day or so when these events are over, also if someone close to her dies, just wait a week before breaking up.

When breaking up, you need to find a quiet space so you two can talk together. Be calm and tell her why things aren’t working out and why you need to move on. She may argue, cry, try to win you back, but if you know it’s for the better, remain calm and be strong. After breaking up, leave. Don’t linger, don’t hang around and definitely don’t keep seeing her after the fact.

You need at LEAST three months apart. That means no text messaging, no calling, no seeing each other in person. If you have similar friends, avoid each other. You need that time to move on so you don’t just get back together just because you miss each other. You have to stick to this rule. You both won’t be able to move on if you keep seeing each other.

After three months, you may attempt to be friends, but usually, that’s a tough case and you may not want to be friends. Give yourself and her some time to move on before crossing that bridge.

Phew! Not such a fun topic! But I hope that helps you guys. Be a gentleman and treat the girl with respect and end things graciously and you’ll have an easier time in life.

Until next time!

Online Radio Interview with BreakThru Radio

Hello Gentlemen!

Exciting news! I was interviewed by DJ Jess on BreakThru Radio in New York to talk about this blog! Listen in online to hear me talk about dating and technology and one of my worst date stories! Yay, you’ll actually hear me talking! Woot!

 

Biology of the Blog with DJ Jess – BreakThru Radio

 

Don’t Waste Her or Your Time

Hello Gentlemen,

I just came across some dating advice, that, for the lack of a better word, I found dismaying. BroBible.com (I know, it’s like the blind leading the blind…) was giving advice to men about 5 times you need to call the girl . Besides some of these things being blatantly obvious, like calling on holidays… the tone of this article is creepy. It’s almost an article for guys that are dating their f*** buddy, and need to make the obligatory call to keep her on the line.

Seriously?

If you HATE picking up the phone to call someone you’re dating, then why in the hell are you dating her? You should be with someone you love to talk to. If you replace all communication with a girl with texting… then why even bother?

Seriously.

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I really don’t like this attitude from men I see in the media that women are these bothersome, annoying, emotional, crazy things that men can’t stand to talk to. Let me put it to you this way, if you think the girl you’re dating is crazy and can’t stand her you could be:

1) Totally right, she’s bonkers, she has tattoos on her eyebrows and refers to herself in the third person while talking with her imaginary pony. She’s certifiably crazy.

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2) You’re having trouble relating to girls and would rather label her “crazy” than to learn how girls are. Instead of trying to understand her point of view, you rather only see everything from your perspective and put her down.

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Women KNOW how men are. Through media, movies, EVERYTHING out there teaches women what men are like. But there is barely any representation of what women are like besides being the Lois or Meg of Family Guy (oh, I’m finally going there). Lois is the woman you want to marry, the partner, the sex kitten of your dreams. Meg is the sister. The girl you’re not attracted to at all, and you know what that means? If you’re not attracted to her and she isn’t a man, you have no interest at all in caring who she is, so you make fun of her and treat her less than human, because if she isn’t a man and isn’t attractive, why is she here?

What I’m trying to get at, is that, yes guys, you need to try a little harder to UNDERSTAND women. And what I’m also trying to say is if you assume all girls are crazy and you can’t date anyone sane, then you have to treat her like a thing to keep her “interested” until you’re ready to let her go… why are you bothering at all?

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Like, seriously, just wait for the right person to come by that is totally amazing and gets you than to settle with crazy girl that you don’t even like talking on the phone with.

So, what it all comes down to is this, if you don’t like the girl you’re dating enough to call her JUST BECAUSE, then it’s time you start dating someone else, because honey, you’re settling and you’ll never be happy. You’ll be a lot happier finding another girl you like calling. So, don’t waste her time sticking around and don’t waste your time just because you want a bedfellow.

Life is too short to play those stupid games. And besides, every moment you waste with “crazy girl you don’t even like” is another minute wasted where you could be finding “the most amazing girl ever”.

Thanks, Gentlemen.

First Date Do’s and Don’ts

Hello Gentlemen,

First date magic

Upon writing the last blog post about paying for the first date, it also made me think of a topic I had been thinking about writing, what not to do on a first date.

There are so many variables when it comes to a first date with a person, where to go, what to talk about, who pays, how to end the date, how to continue the date. I’m going to list real live examples (these are ALWAYS real examples!) from first dates I’ve had, so, you, Gentlemen, can learn from their mistakes and increase your first date chances of success.

1. Don’t talk about yourself all night

I went on a date once, where the guy just couldn’t stop talking. Just didn’t stop! He didn’t ask me ONE question about me. I look back at that night and probably see that he was nervous, and to calm his nerves he turned into a chatterbox. If this is something that haunts your first dates check out my post on conversing with women to learn how to talk to people. But think of it this way, if you didn’t ask ONE question to your date, you’re in for a lot of trouble. Don’t worry about always filling up empty conversation with endless chatter. There’s gonna be some awkward silences, and that happens, but it’ll change once you ask your date something about herself.

2. Don’t argue, about anything!

Keeping your views on politics and religion and all those hot button issues to yourself really can serve you well. It totally sucks to be on a first date and your date is trying to convert you to Christianity or starts arguing with you whether racism is worse than sexism. Seriously? Don’t argue, you don’t need to prove a point and yes, sexism is real and don’t say anything that’ll upset your date. Maybe it’s a turn-on to you to argue with a girl, but the thing is, you’re still getting to know each other and these are topics that can seriously offend someone, and if you’re with someone you just met… well, then, screw off! You don’t need to go on a second date. It’s better to get to know each other first and respect each other before jumping into these heady topics.

3. Don’t stare at your date

I know the girl you’re on a date with is super hot, but staring at her while talking with her is super creepy. Remember the driving rule, keep your eyes on the road most of the time, but be conscious to look in rear-view mirrors from time to time. You can look at the girl, but look away here and there. I actually remind myself whenever I talk to someone face to face to look away. I consciously tell myself that because I don’t want to stare creepily too.

4. Don’t suggest an expensive restaurant to eat at and then make the girl split it with you

The girl is super stoked you picked the latest, trendiest restaurant to try out together, and you order beers, appetizers, etc., but when the bill comes, you look sheepish and suggest to split the bill. This happened to me once, and yeah, you guys are gonna yell at me, but I didn’t split the bill! I didn’t suggest the restaurant! I know women’s magazines would tell women like me to always bring extra cash just for this scenario, but I saw it this way, he invited ME to this restaurant. If I had known it was a splitting adventure, I may have picked something else. It’s also a first date, and if you see my previous post, I kind of have a thing where the guy should AT LEAST pay for the first date. I split all the time, but he’s trying to impress me and for all the reasons listed in my previous blog. If you can’t afford an expensive restaurant, than for the love of In N Out cheeseburgers, don’t suggest it on the first date.

5. Don’t share your life story with her

Keep topics light-hearted and fun and don’t dive into ALL your backstory traumas. That all comes later when you get to know her and you can trust her. Keep some mystery alive and get to know her. Don’t keep EVERYTHING a secret, but for some of the harder topics, let that come out after the 3rd date.

6. Don’t lie about addictions

It’s one thing if you’re recovering from something and are sober, it’s another if you’re currently using. If you have an addiction problem, you need to be upfront about that. If you’re sober for a while, it might be good to hold back some of that info until the 2nd or 3rd date. You need to be upfront too, but it can be a bit overwhelming dating someone for the first time and learning about your drug secrets, so save it for later when you know each other more.

7. Don’t lie about if are seeing other women or are in another relationship

Dude, just be honest, don’t tell her you’re only seeing her and you’re totally seeing other chicks. Not cool. Also, don’t just assume the girl is or isn’t seeing other people. Just ask! Usually people just want to get that out of the way and figure out what’s going on.

8. Don’t take everything so seriously

It’s a first date! Not an interview! Just have fun! Make jokes, have fun and treat it like someone you’re meeting for the first time. Don’t stiffen up, just get loose and think as if you’re with a friend. A really cute friend.

9. Don’t get sloshed

Don’t drink too much. I believe for guys, 3 is the maximum amount of drinks you should have, but I wouldn’t even say to have one, honestly. This is the first time you’re going on a date, you want to be aware of what’s going on, not falling over drunk. Pull yourself together, man!

10. Don’t take her to see a movie

It’s your first date, you need to talk to each other, not sit in silence. Go for coffee, dinner, museum, park, etc.

 Now, let’s talk about the Do’s, yay!

1. Do act chivalrous

Open the door, pull out her chair, hang up her coat! It’s one of the few times a girl can genuinely “feel like a woman”. It’s polite, thoughtful and it’s the little things that a girl will remember.

2. Do ask questions about herself

You want to know what makes her tick, what kind of person is she? Don’t ask her weird random stuff, but be fun in your banter. Joke around, have fun.

3. Do have fun!

You’re on a date! If you’re treating her like a good friend, talking, joking and getting to know them and things aren’t going so well, well maybe it’s not a match. If you think there’s just a little spark left, try another date just to see. Sometimes nerves can get to the both of you.

4. Do be yourself

Always be yourself, don’t try to act like someone else, because true love is between two honest people, based on trust. If you’re not yourself to try to be more impressive, she’ll find out eventually, and besides, you want someone to love you for you, right?

All right Gentlemen, that’s all for today!

Good luck!

 

Pay for the First Date, damnit!

Hello Gentlemen,

Better be generous with that cash!

Sorry if the title kind of throws you off guard and seems a bit… “angry”, but I think there are still guys out there that are too cheap to pay for the first date (and the few subsequent first dates thereafter).

I’m saying a guy should pay for the first date, and a couple after, for a variety of reasons. I’ve been on several first dates, several of them from online, and just a handful I went on dates where we went out for coffee… and the guy didn’t even pay for the coffee!!

Ugh. Really? I know it’s common courtesy for whomever asks the other out for the date, that they should pay. But even if the girl asked out the guy for a date, c’mon, guys, pay for the first date!

Personally, here’s reasons why I like guys paying for first dates and it’s not completely superficial and gold-digging as you may think.

1. I gotta make sure there ain’t any other huneys. First boyfriend I ever had, waaaayyyy back in high school, was cheating on me… well, not really cheating ON me, he was cheating on HIS girlfriend of two years with ME for two months. I mean, you could even say, he wasn’t technically a boyfriend, someone I dated when I was young, but still. And after that, I was always weary of a guy that was really cheap around me. Turns out, having a lot of huneys gets really expensive, so cheater-douchebag-boyfriend didn’t want to pay for my food or anything really. And being teenagers, it’s not like he could afford paying for his girlfriend AND all the other girls he was trying to hook up with. So, he was cheap, and I always kept this in mind. If a guy didn’t want to pay for things early on… does that mean there are other girls he’s paying for too?…

2. If he’s cheap in the beginning… then maybe it’ll get hell of a lot worse.  It wasn’t like I was asking for 4 star meals, nights at the Four Seasons and the finest crab to swim in the Pacific Ocean for dinner, I just wanted the guy to pay for my coffee! Imagine you sit down for a first date with a guy, you’re excited and then he excuses himself to get HIMSELF a coffee. Ok, fine, I’ll get my own then… and with cheap-ass coffee guy, turned out he was fine with lying to me about being a pot-head, so much that he’d take a shower every time before our dates to get the smell off of him. Yeah, cheap and a liar… I’m gonna vote no on this one.

3. If he doesn’t want to share with you now, how will he be a partner later? Again, there are gold-digger girls out there and normal girls. The gold-digger girls usually rat themselves out early by asking what kind of car you drive right off the bat. They also look really fake. But for those normal girls who are looking for a great guy, they want a partner and a guy who is giving. He doesn’t have to fork out the finest gold on earth to capture her attention, but he must be generous, because the girl will come by on the next date and pay for it, or get dessert, or whatever. But it’s a give-and-take relationship and it’s good to start off giving instead of taking.

So, gentlemen, pay for the first few dates, and if the girl appreciates it, she’ll pay the favor back by paying for the next date, etc. Don’t expect anything in return, and give for the sake of giving instead of expecting ANYTHING from the girl. You want a quality girl and she wants a quality guy.

Thank you, Gentlemen.