Pay for the First Date, damnit!

Hello Gentlemen,

Better be generous with that cash!

Sorry if the title kind of throws you off guard and seems a bit… “angry”, but I think there are still guys out there that are too cheap to pay for the first date (and the few subsequent first dates thereafter).

I’m saying a guy should pay for the first date, and a couple after, for a variety of reasons. I’ve been on several first dates, several of them from online, and just a handful I went on dates where we went out for coffee… and the guy didn’t even pay for the coffee!!

Ugh. Really? I know it’s common courtesy for whomever asks the other out for the date, that they should pay. But even if the girl asked out the guy for a date, c’mon, guys, pay for the first date!

Personally, here’s reasons why I like guys paying for first dates and it’s not completely superficial and gold-digging as you may think.

1. I gotta make sure there ain’t any other huneys. First boyfriend I ever had, waaaayyyy back in high school, was cheating on me… well, not really cheating ON me, he was cheating on HIS girlfriend of two years with ME for two months. I mean, you could even say, he wasn’t technically a boyfriend, someone I dated when I was young, but still. And after that, I was always weary of a guy that was really cheap around me. Turns out, having a lot of huneys gets really expensive, so cheater-douchebag-boyfriend didn’t want to pay for my food or anything really. And being teenagers, it’s not like he could afford paying for his girlfriend AND all the other girls he was trying to hook up with. So, he was cheap, and I always kept this in mind. If a guy didn’t want to pay for things early on… does that mean there are other girls he’s paying for too?…

2. If he’s cheap in the beginning… then maybe it’ll get hell of a lot worse.  It wasn’t like I was asking for 4 star meals, nights at the Four Seasons and the finest crab to swim in the Pacific Ocean for dinner, I just wanted the guy to pay for my coffee! Imagine you sit down for a first date with a guy, you’re excited and then he excuses himself to get HIMSELF a coffee. Ok, fine, I’ll get my own then… and with cheap-ass coffee guy, turned out he was fine with lying to me about being a pot-head, so much that he’d take a shower every time before our dates to get the smell off of him. Yeah, cheap and a liar… I’m gonna vote no on this one.

3. If he doesn’t want to share with you now, how will he be a partner later? Again, there are gold-digger girls out there and normal girls. The gold-digger girls usually rat themselves out early by asking what kind of car you drive right off the bat. They also look really fake. But for those normal girls who are looking for a great guy, they want a partner and a guy who is giving. He doesn’t have to fork out the finest gold on earth to capture her attention, but he must be generous, because the girl will come by on the next date and pay for it, or get dessert, or whatever. But it’s a give-and-take relationship and it’s good to start off giving instead of taking.

So, gentlemen, pay for the first few dates, and if the girl appreciates it, she’ll pay the favor back by paying for the next date, etc. Don’t expect anything in return, and give for the sake of giving instead of expecting ANYTHING from the girl. You want a quality girl and she wants a quality guy.

Thank you, Gentlemen.

The First Date Kiss

Create fireworks!

Hello Gentlemen,

One of the exciting things about being single, is having that “first kiss”. Going on the first date, and ending the night with a fabulous kiss.

I think expecting a kiss on the first date isn’t a great set-up for success. Yes, sometimes kissing a person can get some things out of the way: are they a bad kisser? no chemistry?

I will have to argue, that some of the best first kisses occur after date 2 or 3, not date 1. If you can manage it, WAIT for the first kiss. When you get to know the person better and the anticipation of, “when will it happen?” makes it so much better.

Expecting a kiss at the end of the first date can be disastrous, most of the time you’re still getting to know each other and it can be too soon. Some of the best kisses I ever had were after the 2nd or 3rd date, because from the girl’s perspective, a guy usually tries to go in for a kiss after the 1st date. For me, that’s usually way too soon. But when you leave a girl waiting… then she’s in anticipation for the first kiss and it makes it so much more magical when it does happen.

And wouldn’t you rather want the girl to be in anticipation for the kiss than to be rushed into it? When you wait, you’re doing something most guys don’t have the patience for, so you’re already different from the others, plus you are starting to get to know the girl better, so you have a better gauge of when the timing is right.

So, if you can, prolong the wait and more often than not, it’ll be worth it.

How to Approach a Girl in Da Club: The 3 No-Nos

Hello Gentlemen,

We’re getting closer to the weekend (Happy Thursday!) and you may have plans to hit up the local club/bar/watering hole/chess match and you may meet a beautiful girl.

Don’t be caught being one of the creeps that girls flee from, avoid these creepster moves and you will have a better chance at scoring that cute girl’s phone number. Let’s go!:

1. Don’t stand against the wall alone staring at the dancefloor. This is always uber creepy. Pretty much every club I’ve been to since I was 18 (and especially at the 18+ clubs) there will be guys lined up against the walls of the dance floor, staring down their victims and waiting to pounce. Girls try not to notice this type of loser, but it just comes off with you looking like you have no friends, you’re just there to find a girl for some sexy time, and you’re probably much, much worse than we could ever imagine. Guys, go out with your girl friends, guy friends, SOMEBODY at the club. The only time it is acceptable to be caught alone drinking in public is at a local dive bar when you’re sitting at the bar having a drink. Other than that, it’s creepy, don’t do it!

2. Grinding the girl you desire from behind. It’s always the guys that you wouldn’t give the time of day that you find brushing up against your behind as you’re dancing with your girlfriends. Unbeknownst to you, this guy thinks it’s totally suave to just come up dancing behind you and expects you be drunk enough to turn around and not care. Most girls pull the, “oh no, I’m really a lesbian” dance and will grab the closest girl friend and dance with her to get the loser away. Don’t surprise the girl with a dance because for her, it’s mostly not a pleasant surprise, but a time to run in fear…

3. Bring your nerdy friend and jump in the middle of a girl cirlce and start dancing/talking with girls out of nowhere. Ok, there is a time when it’s acceptable to bring your wingman to help score the girls, but most of the time, if you just crash a girl group dancing… you better make sure you can at least move, and you and your boy are confident enough to be engaging. It can be weird for the girls and they try to smile, but they just want to get away. I think it’s better to approach a group of girls while they’re at the bar, they have the option of staying or leaving the bar. On the dance floor they now have to find another dance spot on the dance floor and sometimes that’s impossible, so they’re stuck with you and Screech for a few songs. If you meet them at the bar, you have a chance to talk and if she likes you, she’ll stick around. Or, another option, dance in your own group NEXT to a group of girls and see if you can get one of the girl’s attention, so much better than just crashing someone else’s cirlce and making things uncomfortable.

Additional note: It’s ok to buy the girl a drink (and you should) but if you want to save money and see if the girl likes you, engage in more conversation first. I have hanged out with girls that were professionals in swindling drinks out of guys and moving onto the next sucker. Talk with a girl for a bit, and after a song or two, then offer to buy her a drink (if she doesn’t already have a full drink in her hand). I (and most girls) always like the offer for a drink and if I like the guy, I will definitely talk to and dance with him for a while.

Other Quick Tips:
– Dress to impress, when in doubt, dress sharper than usual, it’ll make you look gooooooddd and you’ll look better than the other guys around you.
– Make sure to get your hair did and be so fresh and so clean. Bad B.O. in the club is a no-no.
– Bring some fun! Be in a good mood! Laugh! Joke around! Do silly dance moves with your pals! That always catches my eye, so make sure to bring your best self to the club.

Any other clubbing tips you’d like to add? Any horror club stories of your own?

The 3 Day and 7 Day Rules, What’s Bogus About Them?

Hello Gentlemen,

As you may have heard from popular culture, there are a few rules in which you should wait to contact a girl so you don’t look “desperate”. The 3-Day Rule occurs when a male meets a female for the first time (usually a bar, cooking class or animal farm) and the male procures the female’s phone number. After the initial meeting, the male waits three business days to call the female, because he doesn’t want to look too eager. The female is aware of this rule, and she is annoyed but deals with it anyways and anxiously awaits his call.

The 7 Day Rule, is usually after the male and female embark on their first date. Even if the male enjoyed the outting with the female, he proceeds to wait 7 days (flashbacks of The Ring, anyone?) and then calls the girl for a second date, or to chat, or whatever guys do after 7 days of wasted time @_@. The “Rules” are typically posted in male magazines and male-centered websites such as Men’s Health Magazine and AskMen.com.

Girls are onto these rules. All it takes is a Google search of, “why isn’t he calling me?” to find all the glorious male rules of dating. So, girls just wait, or move on, because if he was REALLY into me, he would be calling me right?

The problem with these stupid rules, is if you DO actually make a great connection with this girl you lose momentum when you fail to follow up with her. The 3 Day Rule is bearable, annoying, but bearable. Usually I chalk up the wait to “he’s just busy”, but if popular culture hasn’t already told me, is that the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” explains if a guy WAS that into me, he’d be calling me and I would know he likes me.

If you truly have a great time with a girl, following up the next day or 2nd day after is fine. If she likes you, you will be on her mind and she’ll be excited to hear from you. When you do contact the girl again, don’t blow up her phone with several messages, just ask how her day is going and be short and sweet, or say you had a great time meeting her. The only time I would get annoyed if a guy contacts me is if he was constantly texting me mundane information like, “hey, I’m getting on the bus right now, what are you doing???” BO-RING! It’s kind of like you’re bored and passing the time by texting people. I personally just like a couple of messages, but I don’t like going back and forth for a long time, I rather just talk on the phone. I also don’t like when guys are vague.

The most annoying text a guy can send me is “hey”. It’s like, I have to do the work and ask how YOU’RE doing when you were the one you texted me in the first place. Write a sentence if you are going to text a girl, not one word hieroglyphics.

And yes, it IS ok to contact her before the 3 Days are up, because if she likes you, she will want to hear from you. I think waiting 24 hours is long enough time to contact a girl. If she is annoyed of it, perhaps she’s just not that into YOU, and waiting longer isn’t going to make you that much more appealing.

The 7 Day Rule is even MORE infuriating. After you have a fabulous date with a guy, he’s MIA for a whole week? Even on SUNDAY??? What men’s magazines will tell you is completely nuts. If she REALLY likes you, a week won’t be a problem and it weeds out the girls that really like you from the ones that don’t. Because the ones that don’t like you won’t wait a week, but the ones that do, REALLY like you.

This is how that concept is totally wrong. Remember how I told you about “He’s Just Not That Into You”? Well, most girls are familiar with that book, and with that book, it states that if a guy likes you, he’ll be calling you and not making you wait around making you wonder. So, popular culture is telling girls that if the guy doesn’t call, he’s just not that into her. Girls get turned off by the 7 Day Rule. Well, he must not really like me, because he’s waiting a whole week. You know the girls that will still date you after 7 Days? The ones that don’t give a crap about you. The ones that weren’t mad at all because you weren’t on her mind either because she was probably dating other guys to notice you were gone, and was like, why the hell not? I’ll see this douche again.

And yeah, it COULD work, but it’s plain rude. I don’t believe you were THAT FLIPPING BUSY to not even send one text before bedtime, or during lunch. Because if you’re THAT busy, hell, you shouldn’t even be dating at all! Why are you even wasting time reading this blog? Get back to your busy life already! We know you can’t be that busy to not contact at all. So, there’s two options, you’re not that into the girl or you’re playing a game.

And if you’re playing a game, you’re just setting the relationship on bad terms. Depends on what your goals are, but if you’re looking for Ms. Right, she’s not gonna want to play games with you. If she REALLY likes you, she won’t be turned off at all hearing from you sooner or later, because she’ll be excited to hear from you at all. You don’t have to text EVERY DAY or several times a day, that’s not what I’m saying. Being SLIGHTLY sporadic is fine, because it’s a little mysterious, yes.

I knew one guy that followed the 3 Day Rule to a T. He would wait three days to contact me everytime. Really delayed things in our relationship and I was feeling like he didn’t like me. A year later, I found out through a mutual friend he thought I didn’t like him that much either, which couldn’t have been further from the truth, I was crazy about him, but since we didn’t see each other much or get to talk much, things went downhill. Pretty sad to learn the truth a year later from someone else. We did like each other, but communication definitely went south.

So, communicate with the girl! Don’t let a good one get away!

How NOT to First Time Message a Girl through Online Dating: The 5 No-Nos

Try a little harder, buddy

So, you’ve been cruising and perusing through your OKCupid/PlentyofFish/Match.com/HowAboutWe online dating site. You know it’s tough to get a response from some of the hot chicks you see online. How do you grab their attention? How can you INCREASE the likelihood that she will respond back?

Well, hold on to you computer chair armrests, because these are the Top 5 No-Nos when it comes to first initiating contact to a real live female in the interwebz.

1. The Grenade Blast – You think you’re SOOO clever. Just message 500 girls the same message and you’re bound to get at least ONE girl to respond back to you right?

The problem with the grenade approach for any girl worth half her wits, is you can smell it a website away and leaves the girl feeling that much more NOT special. A typical grenade blast usually looks like this:

“Hey girl, you’re so beautiful. My name is —- and I love to surf, hike (blah, blah, blah), we should totally hang out or something and get coffee“.

Here’s the grenade blast which also pairs up with “The Resume” (quite a popular one with the Silicon Valley nerds).

“Hi there, my name is —- and I grew up in —-, I work at —- and live in —-. I am loyal, honest, and I enjoy cooking. I would be a great boyfriend and you should let me show you, I am caring, thoughtful and I am looking for an honest relationship….. (on an on for about a page)”

What’s wrong with these previous examples? Should I let you guess? What’s GLARINGLY obvious?

It’s all about the guy! How many times can this guy talk about himself? It’s obvious he took one look at the girl’s picture, decided “the grenade blast will do well here: Initiate Mission” and start sending the same message about yourself over and over. Hopefully telling a girl how fabulous you are, or better yet, keep it short but mention NOTHING about her profile will win her over, right?

Totally wrong. There is nothing in these messages that indicates that the guy even read the girl’s profile. Also, the reason why a guy has a profile is so the girl can scope out his profile without him giving a resume on why he would be the best boyfriend ever. And you totally know not to trust someone when they say, “trust me“.

The bottom line: The problem is the guy in these messages is making the very first contact about himself, and nothing about the girl. The “beautiful” remark can be said of any girl, so there’s nothing valuable to that. When first messaging a girl, write about something in HER profile so she knows you like HER and she isn’t getting an automated message and isn’t one of the 1,000 girls that got the same message. Also, when you comment on something in her profile, there is some conversation to start out on and can make her feel special.

Cause she is damn special. Sheesh.

2. “Hi” – I REALLY don’t have to go too much into this one, because you obviously didn’t put much thought into this one. Whenever a guy doesn’t give ANY effort to writing a first message and writes “Hi” and nothing else. I just move on faster to another profile. How cheap/unattentive/boring is this guy?

The bottom line: Put SOME effort into writing a first message to a girl, or else she won’t put any effort in writing you back.

3. The “Neg/Insult” – This is an ACTUAL message I got from a guy:

“I can’t decide whether you’re really hot or I suppose the alternative would be not to be. I mean it’s clear that you’re attractive and you might be really hot but darn I swear I just can’t bloody tell.”

Yes, wow. So, am I supposed to be like… how am I supposed to feel after a message like that? Don’t insult a girl in your first message (or second…) It won’t make her like you more. This guy is NOT hot at all, so the debate if I’m hot or not doesn’t matter to me, because I could tell in a millisecond I wouldn’t give him the time of day (or directions to Grant Street in SF) if I saw him in person. Insulting a girl doesn’t raise YOUR value. There’s a difference in jesting and joking and just being insulting.

The bottom line: There’s a better way to be funny and catch a girl’s attention, the insult just makes you look like a passive aggressive nerfherder.

4. “The Baffler” – Here is another gem of a baffler first message I got:

“Do you like milk with ice?” and “Do you wear socks to bed?”

That is it. That’s all they wrote. Just a dumb ass question. Is Men’s Health Magazine or one of those dumb men’s magazines giving you this advice to ask a girl a really stupid question? How is that even a pick up line? This is just beyond silly and makes me confused.

The bottom line: Don’t confuse the poor girl, she’s already confused enough with online dating.

5. The Cheesiest pick-up line – And finally, the grand tamale, another real first message from my online dating adventures:

“You’re so hot, I would buy you a happy meal and let you keep the toy”

And this was from a guy that was 7 years younger than me. Really makes me feel like a cougar @_@

Cheesy pick-up lines are already hard enough in real life, and women still can’t escape them on the interwebz? Will the madness never end?

The bottom line: If you think that cheesy pick-up line wouldn’t work in real life, don’t even think about applying that hush puppy in real life.

Well, then, Single Girl, how DO you message a girl for the first time?

Keep the first message short, 3-5 sentences will do. Mention something you read in her profile, “you enjoy glacier rock-climbing? What a small world!?” and if you want to tease her, go ahead, “you like Miyazaki movies? You can’t be ALL that bad!”. You don’t need to tell her she’s pretty (yet), leave that for the real, live first date. Tell her to have a good day and leave it at that. You don’t need to ask her for coffee right away, just make a short exchange at first, be funny and show that you read her DAMN PROFILE *ahem* and she will think of you as a charming guy.

Phew! Write your online dating adventures in the comments below, how is messaging girls online for you?