Dating is a game, a game where you take chances, risk yourself and ultimately win or lose. Sometimes you lose hard and sometimes you are frustrated because you’re on the sidelines and can’t even get into the game.
Everyone knows how that feels. Men, women, everyone. The typical response is to blame other people.
“If they had just known how pure my feelings are…”
“They don’t understand me”
“Why can’t it go my way?”
The thing is, don’t feel alone in that feeling. Don’t single yourself out thinking life never goes your way. The rule of life is nothing stays the same forever and there may be a lesson for you to learn first before you can move forward.
I know pretty girls that are single, looking for a boyfriend, and can’t find anyone for years because the guys they date are more into themselves than the girl. They’re more obsessed with their self-image of dating a pretty girl than really understanding her in the first place.
And girls get rejected too. They’ll like a guy that never makes a move on her, they’ll wait patiently for him and even ask him out to only have him say no way.
Whether you’re young, old, we all don’t want to be rejected, but it does happen and sometimes it really does work in your favor.
Sometimes, that person is NOT ready to date at all, they need to get over a break-up themselves and would be a horrible partner even if you two were to get together, or you have a lot on your plate and juggling a relationship would be a horrible idea for both parties because you’re not ready to open up and be there for another person.
There’s all kinds of reasons why relationships don’t work or don’t start at all, but what you must keep in mind is to not bash the other person or force them to like you. You need to keep your head high and keep yourself intact. You may feel insecure, like no one ever likes you, or the people you like, don’t like you. But look for the lesson, why do these people not like you? Are they emotionally unavailable? Are they immature? Are they going through their own problems? Are you not their type? Are you really the best match for them?
I remember one guy liking me that was of Jewish faith, and I am clearly not. No way I would ever convert to Judaism. So, why did he bother to like me knowing that clearly that I would never be a match? You can’t expect to change the person you like and expect them to do things that are not of their core of being. If it’s not a match, then it’s ok, because there are LOTS of other people out there.
I had to move to find my match. I lived in LA for three years and knew I would never find a guy for the right relationship for me. Certainly, there’s love in LA, but for myself, the kinds of guys I was meeting were more obsessed with looks than what was inside, and I would clearly get looked over for hotter women. Even though I was in shape, I was clearly not the desired type of most guys there. And I honestly wanted a guy with more substance than what I was finding there. For me, moving was crucial to find the right type of person.
I could have stayed, and tried to make it work with someone, keep getting rejected or looked over. But what I did was really think about who I was and the partner I wanted and came to the conclusion that the partner I wanted wouldn’t live in that place.
But you may have to stop as ask yourself similar questions. Who’s a good partner for me? What do I really want? What do I need to do to BE a good partner?
Then you’ll realize, the rejection you’re facing is not because of your insecurities or whatever you feel inferior about, but that it’s not a good match and you’re looking in the wrong places or that you’re not ready to be a good partner yourself and you need to do some growing first.
Until next time, gentlemen.