How to Not Feel Rejected

Hello Gentelmen,

Dating is a game, a game where you take chances, risk yourself and ultimately win or lose. Sometimes you lose hard and sometimes you are frustrated because you’re on the sidelines and can’t even get into the game.

Everyone knows how that feels. Men, women, everyone. The typical response is to blame other people.

“If they had just known how pure my feelings are…”

“They don’t understand me”

“Why  can’t it go my way?”

The thing is, don’t feel alone in that feeling. Don’t single yourself out thinking life never goes your way. The rule of life is nothing stays the same forever and there may be a lesson for you to learn first before you can move forward.

I know pretty girls that are single, looking for a boyfriend, and can’t find anyone for years because the guys they date are more into themselves than the girl. They’re more obsessed with their self-image of dating a pretty girl than really understanding her in the first place.

And girls get rejected too. They’ll like a guy that never makes a move on her, they’ll wait patiently for him and even ask him out to only have him say no way.

Whether you’re young, old, we all don’t want to be rejected, but it does happen and sometimes it really does work in your favor.

Sometimes, that person is NOT ready to date at all, they need to get over a break-up themselves and would be a horrible partner even if you two were to get together, or you have a lot on your plate and juggling a relationship would be a horrible idea for both parties because you’re not ready to open up and be there for another person.

There’s all kinds of reasons why relationships don’t work or don’t start at all, but what you must keep in mind is to not bash the other person or force them to like you. You need to keep your head high and keep yourself intact. You may feel insecure, like no one ever likes you, or the people you like, don’t like you. But look for the lesson, why do these people not like you? Are they emotionally unavailable? Are they immature? Are they going through their own problems? Are you not their type? Are you really the best match for them?

I remember one guy liking me that was of Jewish faith, and I am clearly not. No way I would ever convert to Judaism. So, why did he bother to like me knowing that clearly that I would never be a match? You can’t expect to change the person you like and expect them to do things that are not of their core of being. If it’s not a match, then it’s ok, because there are LOTS of other people out there.

I had to move to find my match. I lived in LA for three years and knew I would never find a guy for the right relationship for me. Certainly, there’s love in LA, but for myself, the kinds of guys I was meeting were more obsessed with looks than what was inside, and I would clearly get looked over for hotter women. Even though I was in shape, I was clearly not the desired type of most guys there. And I honestly wanted a guy with more substance than what I was finding there. For me, moving was crucial to find the right type of person.

I could have stayed, and tried to make it work with someone, keep getting rejected or looked over. But what I did was really think about who I was and the partner I wanted and came to the conclusion that the partner I wanted wouldn’t live in that place.

But you may have to stop as ask yourself similar questions. Who’s a good partner for me? What do I really want? What do I need to do to BE a good partner?

Then you’ll realize, the rejection you’re facing is not because of your insecurities or whatever you feel inferior about, but that it’s not a good match and you’re looking in the wrong places or that you’re not ready to be a good partner yourself and you need to do some growing first.

Until next time, gentlemen.

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Where to Meet Girls

Coffee Delight - Follow me on Instagram @angelaeris
Coffee Delight – Follow me on Instagram @angelaeris
Hello Gentlemen,

Today’s lesson will be quite beneficial to you. I have questions asked to me like, “hey, Single Girl, I’m SOOO busy with work, I go online dating sometimes, but it’s just hard to find a good girl. Where can I meet girls?”

Let me tell you some hotspots on how to meet girls off the interwebz. This does require you getting off of Buzzfeed looking at those cute koalas and venturing forth into daylight (shocking) to meet girls.

Are you ready?

I said, are you READY???

Umk.

Think about the girl you so desire. Is she covered in tattoos? Does she wear sundresses in the park? Is she riding a bike? Maybe watching a movie or playing video games?

Think about the activities you’d like in a mate, and start going out and trying those activities to meet someone.

For me, personally, I love reading and writing, so meeting a guy at a coffee shop over laptops or browsing through Green Apple Books would be my cup of tea. But it depends on what kind of guy you are and what you like in a girl.

Here are some HOT SPOTS for girls to start out with if you want a high women to men ratio and increase your odds of meeting a girl:

1. Yoga Class – No, yoga class ISN’T just for girls and their gay boyfriends, straight guys totally go too and there are a lot of hot, sweaty women that totally outnumber men. Also, if you have a rocking bod, totally time to take off your shirt (and not get yelled at) to attract the ladies. The only Cons to this is you can’t really talk during yoga practice, so you would have to get your chat on before class starts or afterwards, which can be tricky, so comment on something the girl is wearing, if she knows of any other yoga studios in the area, etc.

What kind of girl hangs out here?: The spiritual, athletic type. This girl might be into meditation, Buddhism or just looking for a great workout and find some zen.

2. Kickboxing Class – Kickboxing class is like catnip to cats, they’re just so many girls at this class, it’s ridiculous, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Bring your gloves, hand wraps and join all the girls in the kickboxing class. You get a workout and an array of ladies to choose from. Try looking for a dojo to find a good kickboxing class instead of a gym.

What kind of girl hangs out here?: This kind of girl like intense workouts, you might catch her hiking on the weekends or hitting the gym a lot. She’s really into fitness and trying new things.

3. Coffee shop/Bookstore – This is a great place to meet an intellectual lady. The environment is calm and there are a lot of conversation starters, “what are you working on your laptop?”, how is that book?”, “would you recommend that?” This is a great place to be causal and strike up a conversation with a girl. I suggest going to a popular coffee shop or bookstore. In the coffee shop, hang out for a few hours, relax and sit across from the girl you’re eyeing. Ask her to watch your stuff while you go to the bathroom (if you have trouble saying SOMETHING to the girl). Strike a conversation and don’t be afraid to follow up with a number or asking her out to dinner that night, she may have some time on her hands and might be delighted to go with you.

What kind of girl hangs out here?: The Intellectual. She’s a reader or working on her blog/article/business and likes to get out of the house to get ideas on the project she’s working on. She could be a college student. She’s more likely to converse about the book she’s reading or the project she’s working on.

4. Meetup.com Event – Lots of girls who are new to the neighborhood will go onto Meetup.com to find events and friends to hang out with. Join a hiking club, game club, drinking club, whatever suits your fancy to meet girls you wouldn’t normally meet. This is a place to be friends first and than to see where it could develop. You don’t want to come off strong here because girls in these events are looking for something to do or to make friends. They do want to meet guys, but if you’re stuck at an event together and it doesn’t work out well, it’s best to be friends first instead of awkward for the rest of the event.

What kind of girl hangs out here?: This girl is open to trying new things and is looking for new friends. She may be new to the area or looking to expand her social circle or trying something new that she never got to in the past.

5. Salsa/Swing Dance Class – This is another great way to meet some girls. With Salsa or Swing dance you HAVE to dance with a partner (yes, most likely a girl). You’re stuck together for an hour and you’re learning together. You don’t have to be a fabulous dancer, but know come key points. Be light on your feet, don’t step on her feet. I haven’t taken swing classes, but I have taken Salsa, and with Salsa you’re twirling the girl around, so you get to be in charge. Yes, dancing with a real life female can be intimidating and don’t get upset with yourself with the first few lessons, but by lesson 3-5 you’ll start getting it and will feel confident. So, stick with it and you may never know who you will be paired up with.

What kind of girl hangs out here?: This is a girl that likes to go out in the city, dance, party and enjoys the nightlife. If you love to party, this girl will be by your side.

Places to Avoid: Don’t go into Zumba Class or a knitting class to get a girl. It really does come across as gay and weird. That goes for ballet class as well. It’s just really awkward and weird and not a place a girl would expect to meet a guy, even though you’d feel you’d have an advantage at these spots, it’s really not the best first move to take.

Think about the kind of girl you like, and what she would be doing and go ahead with those activities. You’ll be out there, meeting new girls and it’s so much better than online dating.

Do you have any other suggestions on where to meet girls? Please comment below!

Put your Best Face Forward: What Pictures to Use for Online Dating and What Not To

Some of these pics scream stay away!
Some of these pics scream stay away!

Hello Gentlemen,

One topic I’ve had people ask me about are choosing photos for your online dating profile.

This is another gripe that myself and my girl friends desparately want guys to understand, how to put your best pictures forward and also how to not be misleading.

Let’s face it, when cruising through other people’s online dating profiles, you look at the pictures first, and if you seem satisfied, then you’ll look at the profile to make sure this person isn’t a psycho serial killer, and that you like the same movies (obviously).

Here’s a real-life horror story from one of my online dating adventures. Admist living in LA, I met up with someone I had been chatting with online at a bar/pool hall. The pictures of this guy were of him running a marathon, blond curly hair, very athletic. When we met up in person, guess what he looked like? Fat and bald, the curly hair marathoner was nowhere to be found and I was stuck with this impostor instead.

The marathoner was INDEED the same fat, bald man, but those pictures must have been 5-10 years ago in his prime. I felt so mislead, not ONE picture of him with no hair in any of his pictures. Was I supposed to pretend this was the same person? I went ahead with the date and it went awry after having a “debate” on racisim vs. feminism, so it was pretty much doomed fromt the start.

So, PICTURES, people, are supposed to show your onlookers what you look like RIGHT NOW, and not what you used to look like. Here is a List of Pictures that will lead to your detriment, and probably a bad first date if you do not heed my warnings.

1. The “HOT” Pics of you from Yesteryear – As previously mentioned, be HONEST with what you look like now. You want a girl to like you, but if your pictures are misleading, what else are you hiding?

2. The Sunglasses Pic – This is hands-down my BIGGEST gripe about online dating profiles where a guy will have all his pictures be shot really far away or with sunglasses on, so you can’t really see what he looks like. Hey, if you can see my face clearly, I should be able to see yours clearly. You’re just not playing fair and with this guys, I’m more likely to pass them up, because I STILL don’t know what they look like!

3. Pictures with other girls – This one is pretty dumb. There are guys who pose with other girls in their pictures. Usually if it’s a sister or mom, the guy will state it, but the ones where it’s not explained, you can only assume this was an ex-girlfriend… or some girl the guy was hoping to get with… or just some random hot chick that the guy swindled into taking a picture with. This kind of pictures says: I’m a player. You have to look hotter than this girl I am next to. I’m not serious at all with this dating site. If you’re actually looking for a geniune girl, she will be turned off. How would you feel if you see the girl you are eyeing with tons of hot guys? Not really the first image you want to imagine with the person you could potentially date.

4. The Party Animal Pics – Sure, you’re a fun, out-going guy. You like to party with your “bros” and you know how to have a good time. Although, taking pictures of you wasted, with a wig, dressing like a girl, etc. doesn’t really let a girl like me get true insight into your soul. It just tells me you’re the drunken village idiot, you are not to be taken seriously, and doesn’t make me attracted to you. In my previous post “The Bad Boys Complex” I illustrated how women aren’t attracted to boys, they’re attracted to MEN, and this picture here says, “I’m not reliable, please come pick me off the floor and take me home with you”. If you want a party girl, then by all means, go ahead, but if you want to actually attract someone special, best leave your wild party pics on Facebook where they belong.

So, Single Girl, what pictures should I use? You’re such a buzzkill, man…

Have a couple of pics of your face that are clear! Maybe if you had a beard before and one without a beard. No old pictures, no more than 3 years old. Have a full length picture of your whole body. Pictures with your friends, out traveling is fine and make sure to SMILE! If you have the same sour expression in all your pictures, you come across as an unapproachable guy. Have some that are thoughtful, but at least one with you smiling. Dont have a solo pic of your dog, but you WITH your dog will definitely grab some girl’s attention.

Good luck, soldier!

Have any questions for me? Go ahead and ask me what you’d like me to discuss in further blog posts in the comment section below and I will answer your questions!

The Bad Boys Complex: Why girls like them, and how you can learn from them

Hello Gentlemen,

Today we’re going to dissect the anatomy of a “Bad Boy”, why girls are attracted to them, and how you can learn from them into being more attractive to girls.

First, we’ll start off with the science of “Bad Boy” attraction. There is actually a science to this (amazingly). Going back to the caveman, early ancestory of human beings, when shit hit the fan, who was more likely to survive? Say, a wooly mammoth was charging down a village of our ancestors, who would be most likely to survive? The guy that fights valiantly against the mammoth to save the village? The one that puts himself in front of his family to save the women and children? Or the douchebag that runs away while everyone else is fighting the beast?

It’s the douchebag. He survives, he knows how to save his thick skin by being selfish. Women know that, in some weird subconscious part of our brain, that the douchebag will survive because he knows how to save himself, and I guess we like the survivors. We want to breed with survivors (I know weird, but I analyze a lot of dating habits to evolution). Bad boys also have a look to them (hence why some girls LOVE Chris Brown, and I personally don’t get it at all…). They don’t look happy, they kind of slouch, and they walk in that dragging arms, puffing out chest manly walk that attracts the girls. The bad guy is dangerous, and mysterious…

And the mystery, gentlemen, is something you must use to your advantage.

I’m going to next illustrate my points with the ever to popular “Twilight” movies. Why? Because if you haven’t been living under a rock in the past few years, you KNOW girls like vampires and that movie is like, let me quote a famous bad boy, John Mayer here, “sexual napalm” for women.

If you’ve seen the movies, good for you, you’ll have a better understanding of what I’m going to describe, if you haven’t, don’t fret, my pet, I’ll explain for you.

Edward Cullen, or the “glittery” vampire is a classic example of what women find insanely attractive. He has the bad boy’s qualities, but besides being ridiculously handsome in his pasty, white make-up, it’s more about how he ACTS than how he LOOKs.

When people first get a glimpse of this vampire, there are key things to notice. He’s pretty quiet, he’s not smiling much, he stands tall, but not too tall, he’s calm, confident and well groomed. He’s not annoying at all. He acts very proper. Bella, the girl in the movie who is attracted to Edward, is instantly attracted. Well, why wouldn’t she? The other male examples in the movie are pretty much what you would see in ANY high school (or college, or work place or Cracked.com…) guys just acting like idiots. The two other guys vying for Bella’s attention (and failing miserably) ask her out on dates and she totally blows them off. The “other” guys are loud, obnoxious, and in one scene, one of them grabs a stick with the worm on the end and shows Bella the worm, like it’s the most hilarious thing to have a worm on a stick.

Um, no.

Being goofy with your pals, farting, joking around, jumping around, acting like a little kid, playing video games, being obsessed with “she’s hot!” and exclaiming to your single guy friends is not attractive to women.

See it this way, would you act that goofy and juvenile at a job interview? No, you have to bring your best “A” game. It’s the same with dating. A cool, calm, collected, confident gentleman is WAY hotter than a bumbling, annoying boy. The bad guy acts cool, and knows how to show his confidence, without throwing it in everyone’s face. The loud guy may be funny and entertaining, but at the end of the day, a girl wants a MAN not a BOY.

Edward Cullen exudes confidence, and also, he’s really into the girl. Now, I know he is an EXTREME example, all he does really is hang out with his family and pursue Bella. But, this kind of attention is appealing to girls. He’s not playing 5 hours of video games and hanging out with his frat boy friends, he’s devoted to her.

I know what you’re saying, “but I like my video games!” and “my friends are hilarious!”

I’m sure they’re all swell, and you don’t have to give them up for a girl. When you pursue a girl, when you are around her, give her attention, don’t let her come over and watch you play video games or hang out with your half-brained friends. That’s what “Guys Nights” are for. You can be silly and fart as much as you want, but keep that around your friends at first when you’re trying to “woo” that new girl.

By all means, PLEASE be yourself, but in the beginning, bring some mystery into the romance. Use movies like “Twilight” as visual cues. Dress well for your dates and understand that you don’t have to BE a bad boy to attract women, just use their tricks to do so. Don’t talk about yourself all night on the first date, remember to be confident in just being yourself. Groom yourself well, you want your date to regular bathe as well, right? Wear clothes that fit you well, smile, but don’t be a grinning idiot, and be calm.

If conversation fails, ask a question to get her to open up. Because Edward was all about pursuing her, not about how he drank himself into an oblivion and passed out while playing Halo. Pursue the girl and keep calm. You’ll get there.

Like what you’re reading? Please follow my blog and you’ll get email updates on all kinds of dating topics! Have questions? Please comment below and I will pick your questions and write new blogs about them!

How NOT to First Time Message a Girl through Online Dating: The 5 No-Nos

morgueFile free photos
Try a little harder, buddy

So, you’ve been cruising and perusing through your OKCupid/PlentyofFish/Match.com/HowAboutWe online dating site. You know it’s tough to get a response from some of the hot chicks you see online. How do you grab their attention? How can you INCREASE the likelihood that she will respond back?

Well, hold on to you computer chair armrests, because these are the Top 5 No-Nos when it comes to first initiating contact to a real live female in the interwebz.

1. The Grenade Blast – You think you’re SOOO clever. Just message 500 girls the same message and you’re bound to get at least ONE girl to respond back to you right?

The problem with the grenade approach for any girl worth half her wits, is you can smell it a website away and leaves the girl feeling that much more NOT special. A typical grenade blast usually looks like this:

Hey girl, you’re so beautiful. My name is —- and I love to surf, hike (blah, blah, blah), we should totally hang out or something and get coffee“.

Here’s the grenade blast which also pairs up with “The Resume” (quite a popular one with the Silicon Valley nerds).

Hi there, my name is —- and I grew up in —-, I work at —- and live in —-. I am loyal, honest, and I enjoy cooking. I would be a great boyfriend and you should let me show you, I am caring, thoughtful and I am looking for an honest relationship….. (on an on for about a page)”

What’s wrong with these previous examples? Should I let you guess? What’s GLARINGLY obvious?

It’s all about the guy! How many times can this guy talk about himself? It’s obvious he took one look at the girl’s picture, decided “the grenade blast will do well here: Initiate Mission” and start sending the same message about yourself over and over. Hopefully telling a girl how fabulous you are, or better yet, keep it short but mention NOTHING about her profile will win her over, right?

Totally wrong. There is nothing in these messages that indicates that the guy even read the girl’s profile. Also, the reason why a guy has a profile is so the girl can scope out his profile without him giving a resume on why he would be the best boyfriend ever. And you totally know not to trust someone when they say, “trust me“.

The bottom line: The problem is the guy in these messages is making the very first contact about himself, and nothing about the girl. The “beautiful” remark can be said of any girl, so there’s nothing valuable to that. When first messaging a girl, write about something in HER profile so she knows you like HER and she isn’t getting an automated message and isn’t one of the 1,000 girls that got the same message. Also, when you comment on something in her profile, there is some conversation to start out on and can make her feel special.

Cause she is damn special. Sheesh.

2. “Hi” – I REALLY don’t have to go too much into this one, because you obviously didn’t put much thought into this one. Whenever a guy doesn’t give ANY effort to writing a first message and writes “Hi” and nothing else. I just move on faster to another profile. How cheap/unattentive/boring is this guy?

The bottom line: Put SOME effort into writing a first message to a girl, or else she won’t put any effort in writing you back.

3. The “Neg/Insult” – This is an ACTUAL message I got from a guy:

“I can’t decide whether you’re really hot or I suppose the alternative would be not to be. I mean it’s clear that you’re attractive and you might be really hot but darn I swear I just can’t bloody tell.”

Yes, wow. So, am I supposed to be like… how am I supposed to feel after a message like that? Don’t insult a girl in your first message (or second…) It won’t make her like you more. This guy is NOT hot at all, so the debate if I’m hot or not doesn’t matter to me, because I could tell in a millisecond I wouldn’t give him the time of day (or directions to Grant Street in SF) if I saw him in person. Insulting a girl doesn’t raise YOUR value. There’s a difference in jesting and joking and just being insulting.

The bottom line: There’s a better way to be funny and catch a girl’s attention, the insult just makes you look like a passive aggressive nerfherder.

4. “The Baffler” – Here is another gem of a baffler first message I got:

Do you like milk with ice?” and “Do you wear socks to bed?”

That is it. That’s all they wrote. Just a dumb ass question. Is Men’s Health Magazine or one of those dumb men’s magazines giving you this advice to ask a girl a really stupid question? How is that even a pick up line? This is just beyond silly and makes me confused.

The bottom line: Don’t confuse the poor girl, she’s already confused enough with online dating.

5. The Cheesiest pick-up line – And finally, the grand tamale, another real first message from my online dating adventures:

You’re so hot, I would buy you a happy meal and let you keep the toy

And this was from a guy that was 7 years younger than me. Really makes me feel like a cougar @_@

Cheesy pick-up lines are already hard enough in real life, and women still can’t escape them on the interwebz? Will the madness never end?

The bottom line: If you think that cheesy pick-up line wouldn’t work in real life, don’t even think about applying that hush puppy in real life.

Well, then, Single Girl, how DO you message a girl for the first time?

Keep the first message short, 3-5 sentences will do. Mention something you read in her profile, “you enjoy glacier rock-climbing? What a small world!?” and if you want to tease her, go ahead, “you like Miyazaki movies? You can’t be ALL that bad!”. You don’t need to tell her she’s pretty (yet), leave that for the real, live first date. Tell her to have a good day and leave it at that. You don’t need to ask her for coffee right away, just make a short exchange at first, be funny and show that you read her DAMN PROFILE *ahem* and she will think of you as a charming guy.

Phew! Write your online dating adventures in the comments below, how is messaging girls online for you?

Advice from a Single Girl to all those Single Guys

Hello Gentlemen,

I’ve been thinking for some time about starting this blog. As a single girl (for quite some time now), there are a lot of issues I come across when it comes to dating (i.e. does that guy even know HOW to be likeable?). There are a lot of hurdles when it comes to dating: online dating profile or not? texing vs. calling? Dinner or coffee on the first date?

Unfortunately (maybe fortunately for you), I’ve been on SEVERAL first dates. Lots of online dates and meeting guys in real life (who knew?) and there are trends, themes that I come across and a lot of advice I’d LOVE to give my dates, but can be really rude to tell a stranger.

So, this is where this blog comes in. I’m going to tell you single guys HOW to treat a lady, how to get her attention, how to NOT be a creepy and increase your chances of getting that girl you’ve been eyeing on OK Cupid to message you back. There are factors to consider and one of the biggest things guys out there need to understand, is when it comes to dating STOP putting yourself first and start putting your date first.

We will grow together, cry together, laugh together and we will argue together, and this may happen in the first few blog posts, but I will get my advice out to you guys from a REAL LIVE GIRL, not some other dude trying to make money off of you with some scheme to “neg” a girl to get her to sleep with you.

No, we will figure out this crazy world of dating and I will give you advice for the first date and beyond.

Stay tuned…