How to Not Feel Rejected

Hello Gentelmen,

Dating is a game, a game where you take chances, risk yourself and ultimately win or lose. Sometimes you lose hard and sometimes you are frustrated because you’re on the sidelines and can’t even get into the game.

Everyone knows how that feels. Men, women, everyone. The typical response is to blame other people.

“If they had just known how pure my feelings are…”

“They don’t understand me”

“Why ┬ácan’t it go my way?”

The thing is, don’t feel alone in that feeling. Don’t single yourself out thinking life never goes your way. The rule of life is nothing stays the same forever and there may be a lesson for you to learn first before you can move forward.

I know pretty girls that are single, looking for a boyfriend, and can’t find anyone for years because the guys they date are more into themselves than the girl. They’re more obsessed with their self-image of dating a pretty girl than really understanding her in the first place.

And girls get rejected too. They’ll like a guy that never makes a move on her, they’ll wait patiently for him and even ask him out to only have him say no way.

Whether you’re young, old, we all don’t want to be rejected, but it does happen and sometimes it really does work in your favor.

Sometimes, that person is NOT ready to date at all, they need to get over a break-up themselves and would be a horrible partner even if you two were to get together, or you have a lot on your plate and juggling a relationship would be a horrible idea for both parties because you’re not ready to open up and be there for another person.

There’s all kinds of reasons why relationships don’t work or don’t start at all, but what you must keep in mind is to not bash the other person or force them to like you. You need to keep your head high and keep yourself intact. You may feel insecure, like no one ever likes you, or the people you like, don’t like you. But look for the lesson, why do these people not like you? Are they emotionally unavailable? Are they immature? Are they going through their own problems? Are you not their type? Are you really the best match for them?

I remember one guy liking me that was of Jewish faith, and I am clearly not. No way I would ever convert to Judaism. So, why did he bother to like me knowing that clearly that I would never be a match? You can’t expect to change the person you like and expect them to do things that are not of their core of being. If it’s not a match, then it’s ok, because there are LOTS of other people out there.

I had to move to find my match. I lived in LA for three years and knew I would never find a guy for the right relationship for me. Certainly, there’s love in LA, but for myself, the kinds of guys I was meeting were more obsessed with looks than what was inside, and I would clearly get looked over for hotter women. Even though I was in shape, I was clearly not the desired type of most guys there. And I honestly wanted a guy with more substance than what I was finding there. For me, moving was crucial to find the right type of person.

I could have stayed, and tried to make it work with someone, keep getting rejected or looked over. But what I did was really think about who I was and the partner I wanted and came to the conclusion that the partner I wanted wouldn’t live in that place.

But you may have to stop as ask yourself similar questions. Who’s a good partner for me? What do I really want? What do I need to do to BE a good partner?

Then you’ll realize, the rejection you’re facing is not because of your insecurities or whatever you feel inferior about, but that it’s not a good match and you’re looking in the wrong places or that you’re not ready to be a good partner yourself and you need to do some growing first.

Until next time, gentlemen.

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Cheaters Anonymous

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time, no chat. Thanks for checking out this blog, even though I haven’t been as active, this blog is still getting a lot of views, so it encourages me to continue writing in here. As always, any questions you have about dating, or any stories you’d like to share, please comment on any of these posts and I will get back to you.

Let’s talk about cheating today. Not a pleasant topic and for the one being cheated on, it can break a person knowing the person you love is well, loving someone else.

I’m going to talk about both angles of cheating. I’ve been cheated on before, and it made me insecure in subsequent relationships where I thought guys would always do that to me. I felt foolish. I also thought about cheating once and I realized that it wasn’t worth it to cheat.

Why is it not worth it to cheat? I know it’s tempting to dip one foot into the pool and get the best of both worlds, but no one really deserves to be cheated on. Even if that person is a jerk, they don’t deserve it. You can rationalize away why you should cheat, you’re not getting enough attention, they don’t listen to you, etc. If that’s the case, you need to make clear to that person that they’re driving you away and ruining your relationship.

You also need to be prepared to walk away from that relationship if you are looking to cheat. The minute you start omitting that you have a significant other and start flirting with other people and hanging out with them alone, you know you’re jumping into dangerous territory.

If you’re really that insecure to be alone that you need to cheat because you don’t know what you want, you REALLY need to be alone. You need to step away from your current relationship and be single for a bit before jumping into something new.

You know what I notice in men? That they jump to relationship to relationship awfully quickly, even when they’re not over their ex.

I went on a first date once where the guy couldn’t stop talking about his bad ex-girlfriend. Then a few days after the date he texted me that he still wasn’t over his ex. Yeah, no duh. Of course.

Also, ask yourself, why are you cheating? Not getting what you want out of the relationship? Then ask for it. And if you will never get what you want out of the relationship, the door is over there and you can see yourself out. Be an adult and break up, then pursue something new. Because if you cheat on someone with someone else, that other person will always wonder if you’re going to do them wrong the same way…

And you kind of just broke your trust with that new relationship too. You’ve shown that person that you can sneak around to find what you want.

If you have been cheated on, that can be rough. You start to doubt yourself in relationships and wonder if anyone really likes you for you, or is just looking around the corner for something new.

If you’re in a relationship right now where you can’t trust the person, ask yourself these few questions:

  1. How new is this relationship?

If you’ve just started to date this person for a month and they’ve shown you no reason to be jealous, then try your darnest not to be the green-eyed monster, because the minute you start trying to control someone else, you’re breaking that relationship and the only thing you need to control is yourself. YES, YOURSELF. You cannot control another human being, you can only control your own emotions. I’ve seen couples living with each other and the guy could not stop being jealous and accusing his girlfriend of trying to date other guys and attracting attention. You know what happened? She broke up with him because he could never trust her. Don’t be that guy.

2. Has it been 6 months and you still can’t trust your S.O.?

If it’s been several months/years and you still can’t trust the person you’ve been dating, you’re settling for low standards. Yes, you are settling because you think you don’t deserve better. After a few months if you can’t trust that person and you think that every good looking person that walks in the door is grabbing the attention of your honey bunny, you got a big problem. The answer is you’re being WAY too jealous, or that person is really looking for other people. There is no good way to change yourself or them at that point and you really need to leave that relationship. Because you are never going to trust them and years will go by and that will suck ass. Seriously. Been there, done that. I was in a relationship where I couldn’t trust the guy at all. I just KNEW something was wrong. And then the day we broke up (because we kept fighting and I couldn’t trust him) he left me a big bombshell revelation. I can’t repeat, but lets say that he was living a lie to most people in his life and they had no idea what kind of secret he was holding in around everyone. It was bad and he was a jerk and my gut instinct was true. He was not an honest person, and that’s why I couldn’t trust him for the life of me.

So again, if you’ve been with someone for ages and you’re still jealous. Either you’re crazy or you’re right, and both results are bad. You need to leave that relationship and raise your standards.

Because you can find someone that you trust. I’m with someone now that I trust. One day we were at a party and a super cute, younger girl went up to my man and started hitting on him. You know what I did? Nothing, I went back to doing whatever I was doing because I knew he would handle it. He did. The girl came over to me and asked who my boyfriend was. I pointed over to the guy she just tried to hit on. She really wanted to know if he was taken. My point is, I trusted him enough because I trusted us. I knew that our relationship was strong enough that a younger, cuter girl than me wouldn’t phase him at all. Because our relationship is unique and we’re happy with each other.

If that was several years ago, I would have lost my shit because I didn’t trust guys, I just kept thinking they would try to get someone better than me. I was single, did my time and confident in myself and my relationships that that kind of thing doesn’t worry me at all.

You can be like that too. So, don’t lower your standards. If something ain’t right, walk away and have dignity. Don’t do people wrong. It will come back to you in your next relationships.

Until next time.