The Ways a Girl Flirts

Hello Gentlemen,

Today we are going to talk about how a woman flirts and if she’s into you, and the reasons why she isn’t into you.

Let’s be pretty clear from the get-go, if a girl you meet at a house party, social event, twitter, etc. is talking to you, it doesn’t automatically mean she loves you and wants to have your babies.

Case in point:

One time I was at a friend’s house party, where I met a guy for the first time. He was nice enough, we talked about movies or something, I have no idea, and other people were talking to us. This guy and I weren’t alone together, I wasn’t even standing close to him and we were in an open space talking to other people. He was asking about my music career and I gave him my card. Just friendly chatting. He then later added me on Facebook, and chatted with me then proceeded to ask me for dinner.

I declined, as nicely as I could, and it all ended there.

I see how it can be hard for guys to see what went wrong here, but just to clarify, just because someone of the opposite sex is talking to you, doesn’t mean she likes you. Here’s how he could have seen I was not interested.

The Ways a Girl Flirts

1) Touch – When a girl is interested, she usually gravitates toward a guy. She’ll stand closer to him, she’ll laugh and touch his shoulder, she’ll do what she can to be in his bubble. She’ll touch his knee, etc. If a girl is standing far away from you, and not even attempting to touch you and looks like her body is positioned away from you while she’s talking, see where her body is positioned, because that’s what’s she’s more interested in (i.e. the fruit punch or the lesbian chick on the other side of the room).

2) Teasing – What a great way to flirt. When you engage in teasing of the opposite sex, it’s a safe way to test the waters and see how someone is attracted to you. If you’re laughing, teasing and you two grativate closer, it’s a very easy way to see how someone reacts to you. If the girl isn’t too interested, she probably won’t tease too much back, and won’t draw in closer to you.

3) Compliments – A girl will start complimenting a guy or show interest in what he does. Although, showing interest can be VERY tricky. Asking someone about their job and where they live is very platonic, and even though a girl can ask about these things, it can go both ways, she can very well be acting friendly and interested. How do you know she’s INTERESTED? She’ll probably start asking about your hobbies, what you do in your spare time. She’ll also engage in talking about other subjects: dating, what she’s doing on the weekend, movies, etc. The conversation can be a tricky place to gauge how much a girl likes you, so you have to look into Rules 1 and 2, if the conversation turns into teasing, and light touching, flirting is definitely in effect and the girl is interested in you.

4) Body Language – How the girl carries herself is telling as well. Is she touching her hair? Is her body facing yours? Is she smiling? Are her palms facing up? Is her head off to one side? To show interest, cocking your head to the side is a common signal. If a girl also lifts her arm, say to scratch the back of her head and exposes the underarm, this is a vunerable sign, meaning she is able to be vunerable around you. If she is standing with arms crossed, several feet away from you and her body is positioned to somewhere else in the room, I’d say it’s a fair guess she is not interested in you. Grooming is a typical sign a girl is interested, playing with hair, smoothing out clothes are common flirting signals.

So, what did we learn today, Gentlemen? Now you can refer to the previous example and see how I was NOT interested in the guy. I didn’t tease or compliment the guy. I didn’t get closer to him or show any flirting signals. I was just being polite and chatty. Girls talk, they’re polite and we’re brought up to be that way. Don’t get mad at us if you can’t read the signals. Just learn for next time, and it’ll be so clear when a girl IS into you. Girls also like to have male friendships. If she’s not really showing signs of attraction, she probably just wants to be a friend.

And there is the wild card… *when a girl doesn’t want you to know she likes you. Those situations, tread lightly and with more friendship and time, you will be able to see her true colors. And hey, great relationships take time, so take your time too when it comes to flirting.


*A lot of you guys have been commenting on the Wild Card, when a girl likes you but doesn’t want to show it, check out this post to find out more.

Don’t be a Creeper: How to not be a Creep

Don't be a creep!
Don’t be a creep!
But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

She’s running out the door
She’s running
She runs runs runs runs
– Radiohead

Hello Gentlemen,

By now you must know what a “creep” is. But just in case you don’t, I’m going to spell it out for you.

creep (krp)
intr.v.crept (krpt), creep·ing, creeps

1. The act of creeping; a creeping motion or progress.
2. Slang An annoyingly unpleasant or repulsive person.
3. A slow flow of metal when under high temperature or great pressure.
4. A slow change in a characteristic of electronic equipment, such as a decrease in power with continued usage.
5. Geology The slow movement of rock debris and soil down a weathered slope.
6. creeps Informal A sensation of fear or repugnance, as if things were crawling on one’s skin: That house gives me the creeps.

Let’s dissect point number two, “an annoyingly unpleasant or repulsive person”. This is what you come across, gentlemen, when you approach a girl unwantingly.

Every girl has grown up with catcalls from the local gardener, or a group of guys staring at her when she walks by. Whenever a girl goes into a club, there’s always a chance a body part of hers will be grabbed. There are guys that geuninely are creepers, losers of society that can’t get a date because they’re so weird and creepy.

But normal guys, can turn into creepers unwittingly. If they lose their confidence in dating, if they act dumb when talking to a girl. Check out the movie, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil. The whole movie starts off with Dale talking to a girl and acting so creepy that the girl and her college friends automatically assume he’s a serial killer with his awkwardness. Now, this movie is an extreme example… well, maybe not. Girls do have to watch out for their own safety, and if you come across as a reclusive loser, she’s not going to want to look at you, let alone date you.

So, Ted Bundy, what to do with you?

How Not to be a Creep

1. Have confidence.

Confidence is always king. Confidence excudes from within by the manner in which you speak, hold yourself up, and how you respect others around you. Check your posture right now. Are you slouched over? Are you holding your head up high? How do you speak to others? Are you quiet and meek? Or do you speak clearly and with power? How do you respect others? Are you scowling and bitching to your co-workers and peers or are you generous with a smile? Confident men hold themselves tall by standing straight, looking at a person in the eyes while talking, using their name, being polite and speaking with purpose. A creep is hunched over, mumbling to his make-believe friends and staring at girls when no one is talking to him.

2. Get a Life

Following Step 1 is Confidence, Step 2 is Get a Life. You get confidence with being proud of who you are and what you do. Are you happy with your job? Your weight? Your social life? Do you love your friends? Your family? Do you have a purpose to fulfill in this world? You need to heed your calling and follow it. Be a man, do your job well, treat others with respect. Look at Superman. He’s confident, because he knows he’s strong, can beat up anyone and can fly. Well, you can’t fly, but you can be confident in your abilities and your strengths. You’re busy fighting the good fight, saving the world, doing Zumba, whatever you do, be proud of it and do it well.

3. Don’t wallow in your misery

Don’t be like the Garbage singer and proclaim, “I’m only happy when it rains”. Don’t be that guy that looks on the bad side of life. Strong men are positive, not negative nancies. You sissy. No, you’re a strong man, you believe you will live life to the fullest and get the girl… but you only get the girl when you’re a complete man yourself. If you’re a mess and expect the girl to clean up after you… well, it’s only going to fall apart. With your clothes being thrown out of the third floor window because you, “are a stinking loser, you jerk”. Yep, that’s what your future girlfriend will say. Avoid that by being positive. Smile. Don’t approach to a girl by going up to her and staring at her while making her uncomfortable. No, you’re better than that. You don’t say cheesy pick up lines, you are yourself, because you’re cool, damnit.

4. Respect the Girl

Girls are not aliens. I know we look different, and we are not obsessed with Call of Duty (ok, maybe there are some girls that are, but I don’t know of any, and good for them, girls rule!) Girls are people, just like you, and like to talk about… stuff. They like to have fun, and they are attracted to men who groom themselves well and know how to carry a conversation. They don’t like guys grabbing them unwantingly or staring at them from the other side of the dance floor. Or dropping their jaws when she walks by. If you hold your composure when other guys can’t, you’re already ahead of the pack. You not unfazed by that beautiful girl, no. You know her mind is different from her striking eyes and she wants to be listened to and engaged in good conversation.

So, men, heed my advice, and try not to creep. 🙂 You’ll be just fine.