I just came across some dating advice, that, for the lack of a better word, I found dismaying. BroBible.com (I know, it’s like the blind leading the blind…) was giving advice to men about 5 times you need to call the girl . Besides some of these things being blatantly obvious, like calling on holidays… the tone of this article is creepy. It’s almost an article for guys that are dating their f*** buddy, and need to make the obligatory call to keep her on the line.
If you HATE picking up the phone to call someone you’re dating, then why in the hell are you dating her? You should be with someone you love to talk to. If you replace all communication with a girl with texting… then why even bother?
I really don’t like this attitude from men I see in the media that women are these bothersome, annoying, emotional, crazy things that men can’t stand to talk to. Let me put it to you this way, if you think the girl you’re dating is crazy and can’t stand her you could be:
1) Totally right, she’s bonkers, she has tattoos on her eyebrows and refers to herself in the third person while talking with her imaginary pony. She’s certifiably crazy.
2) You’re having trouble relating to girls and would rather label her “crazy” than to learn how girls are. Instead of trying to understand her point of view, you rather only see everything from your perspective and put her down.
Women KNOW how men are. Through media, movies, EVERYTHING out there teaches women what men are like. But there is barely any representation of what women are like besides being the Lois or Meg of Family Guy (oh, I’m finally going there). Lois is the woman you want to marry, the partner, the sex kitten of your dreams. Meg is the sister. The girl you’re not attracted to at all, and you know what that means? If you’re not attracted to her and she isn’t a man, you have no interest at all in caring who she is, so you make fun of her and treat her less than human, because if she isn’t a man and isn’t attractive, why is she here?
What I’m trying to get at, is that, yes guys, you need to try a little harder to UNDERSTAND women. And what I’m also trying to say is if you assume all girls are crazy and you can’t date anyone sane, then you have to treat her like a thing to keep her “interested” until you’re ready to let her go… why are you bothering at all?
Like, seriously, just wait for the right person to come by that is totally amazing and gets you than to settle with crazy girl that you don’t even like talking on the phone with.
So, what it all comes down to is this, if you don’t like the girl you’re dating enough to call her JUST BECAUSE, then it’s time you start dating someone else, because honey, you’re settling and you’ll never be happy. You’ll be a lot happier finding another girl you like calling. So, don’t waste her time sticking around and don’t waste your time just because you want a bedfellow.
Life is too short to play those stupid games. And besides, every moment you waste with “crazy girl you don’t even like” is another minute wasted where you could be finding “the most amazing girl ever”.
Upon writing the last blog post about paying for the first date, it also made me think of a topic I had been thinking about writing, what not to do on a first date.
There are so many variables when it comes to a first date with a person, where to go, what to talk about, who pays, how to end the date, how to continue the date. I’m going to list real live examples (these are ALWAYS real examples!) from first dates I’ve had, so, you, Gentlemen, can learn from their mistakes and increase your first date chances of success.
1. Don’t talk about yourself all night
I went on a date once, where the guy just couldn’t stop talking. Just didn’t stop! He didn’t ask me ONE question about me. I look back at that night and probably see that he was nervous, and to calm his nerves he turned into a chatterbox. If this is something that haunts your first dates check out my post on conversing with women to learn how to talk to people. But think of it this way, if you didn’t ask ONE question to your date, you’re in for a lot of trouble. Don’t worry about always filling up empty conversation with endless chatter. There’s gonna be some awkward silences, and that happens, but it’ll change once you ask your date something about herself.
2. Don’t argue, about anything!
Keeping your views on politics and religion and all those hot button issues to yourself really can serve you well. It totally sucks to be on a first date and your date is trying to convert you to Christianity or starts arguing with you whether racism is worse than sexism. Seriously? Don’t argue, you don’t need to prove a point and yes, sexism is real and don’t say anything that’ll upset your date. Maybe it’s a turn-on to you to argue with a girl, but the thing is, you’re still getting to know each other and these are topics that can seriously offend someone, and if you’re with someone you just met… well, then, screw off! You don’t need to go on a second date. It’s better to get to know each other first and respect each other before jumping into these heady topics.
3. Don’t stare at your date
I know the girl you’re on a date with is super hot, but staring at her while talking with her is super creepy. Remember the driving rule, keep your eyes on the road most of the time, but be conscious to look in rear-view mirrors from time to time. You can look at the girl, but look away here and there. I actually remind myself whenever I talk to someone face to face to look away. I consciously tell myself that because I don’t want to stare creepily too.
4. Don’t suggest an expensive restaurant to eat at and then make the girl split it with you
The girl is super stoked you picked the latest, trendiest restaurant to try out together, and you order beers, appetizers, etc., but when the bill comes, you look sheepish and suggest to split the bill. This happened to me once, and yeah, you guys are gonna yell at me, but I didn’t split the bill! I didn’t suggest the restaurant! I know women’s magazines would tell women like me to always bring extra cash just for this scenario, but I saw it this way, he invited ME to this restaurant. If I had known it was a splitting adventure, I may have picked something else. It’s also a first date, and if you see my previous post, I kind of have a thing where the guy should AT LEAST pay for the first date. I split all the time, but he’s trying to impress me and for all the reasons listed in my previous blog. If you can’t afford an expensive restaurant, than for the love of In N Out cheeseburgers, don’t suggest it on the first date.
5. Don’t share your life story with her
Keep topics light-hearted and fun and don’t dive into ALL your backstory traumas. That all comes later when you get to know her and you can trust her. Keep some mystery alive and get to know her. Don’t keep EVERYTHING a secret, but for some of the harder topics, let that come out after the 3rd date.
6. Don’t lie about addictions
It’s one thing if you’re recovering from something and are sober, it’s another if you’re currently using. If you have an addiction problem, you need to be upfront about that. If you’re sober for a while, it might be good to hold back some of that info until the 2nd or 3rd date. You need to be upfront too, but it can be a bit overwhelming dating someone for the first time and learning about your drug secrets, so save it for later when you know each other more.
7. Don’t lie about if are seeing other women or are in another relationship
Dude, just be honest, don’t tell her you’re only seeing her and you’re totally seeing other chicks. Not cool. Also, don’t just assume the girl is or isn’t seeing other people. Just ask! Usually people just want to get that out of the way and figure out what’s going on.
8. Don’t take everything so seriously
It’s a first date! Not an interview! Just have fun! Make jokes, have fun and treat it like someone you’re meeting for the first time. Don’t stiffen up, just get loose and think as if you’re with a friend. A really cute friend.
9. Don’t get sloshed
Don’t drink too much. I believe for guys, 3 is the maximum amount of drinks you should have, but I wouldn’t even say to have one, honestly. This is the first time you’re going on a date, you want to be aware of what’s going on, not falling over drunk. Pull yourself together, man!
10. Don’t take her to see a movie
It’s your first date, you need to talk to each other, not sit in silence. Go for coffee, dinner, museum, park, etc.
Now, let’s talk about the Do’s, yay!
1. Do act chivalrous
Open the door, pull out her chair, hang up her coat! It’s one of the few times a girl can genuinely “feel like a woman”. It’s polite, thoughtful and it’s the little things that a girl will remember.
2. Do ask questions about herself
You want to know what makes her tick, what kind of person is she? Don’t ask her weird random stuff, but be fun in your banter. Joke around, have fun.
3. Do have fun!
You’re on a date! If you’re treating her like a good friend, talking, joking and getting to know them and things aren’t going so well, well maybe it’s not a match. If you think there’s just a little spark left, try another date just to see. Sometimes nerves can get to the both of you.
4. Do be yourself
Always be yourself, don’t try to act like someone else, because true love is between two honest people, based on trust. If you’re not yourself to try to be more impressive, she’ll find out eventually, and besides, you want someone to love you for you, right?
Sorry if the title kind of throws you off guard and seems a bit… “angry”, but I think there are still guys out there that are too cheap to pay for the first date (and the few subsequent first dates thereafter).
I’m saying a guy should pay for the first date, and a couple after, for a variety of reasons. I’ve been on several first dates, several of them from online, and just a handful I went on dates where we went out for coffee… and the guy didn’t even pay for the coffee!!
Ugh. Really? I know it’s common courtesy for whomever asks the other out for the date, that they should pay. But even if the girl asked out the guy for a date, c’mon, guys, pay for the first date!
Personally, here’s reasons why I like guys paying for first dates and it’s not completely superficial and gold-digging as you may think.
1. I gotta make sure there ain’t any other huneys. First boyfriend I ever had, waaaayyyy back in high school, was cheating on me… well, not really cheating ON me, he was cheating on HIS girlfriend of two years with ME for two months. I mean, you could even say, he wasn’t technically a boyfriend, someone I dated when I was young, but still. And after that, I was always weary of a guy that was really cheap around me. Turns out, having a lot of huneys gets really expensive, so cheater-douchebag-boyfriend didn’t want to pay for my food or anything really. And being teenagers, it’s not like he could afford paying for his girlfriend AND all the other girls he was trying to hook up with. So, he was cheap, and I always kept this in mind. If a guy didn’t want to pay for things early on… does that mean there are other girls he’s paying for too?…
2. If he’s cheap in the beginning… then maybe it’ll get hell of a lot worse. It wasn’t like I was asking for 4 star meals, nights at the Four Seasons and the finest crab to swim in the Pacific Ocean for dinner, I just wanted the guy to pay for my coffee! Imagine you sit down for a first date with a guy, you’re excited and then he excuses himself to get HIMSELF a coffee. Ok, fine, I’ll get my own then… and with cheap-ass coffee guy, turned out he was fine with lying to me about being a pot-head, so much that he’d take a shower every time before our dates to get the smell off of him. Yeah, cheap and a liar… I’m gonna vote no on this one.
3. If he doesn’t want to share with you now, how will he be a partner later? Again, there are gold-digger girls out there and normal girls. The gold-digger girls usually rat themselves out early by asking what kind of car you drive right off the bat. They also look really fake. But for those normal girls who are looking for a great guy, they want a partner and a guy who is giving. He doesn’t have to fork out the finest gold on earth to capture her attention, but he must be generous, because the girl will come by on the next date and pay for it, or get dessert, or whatever. But it’s a give-and-take relationship and it’s good to start off giving instead of taking.
So, gentlemen, pay for the first few dates, and if the girl appreciates it, she’ll pay the favor back by paying for the next date, etc. Don’t expect anything in return, and give for the sake of giving instead of expecting ANYTHING from the girl. You want a quality girl and she wants a quality guy.