Why You Don’t Want to be a Player

Hello Gentlemen,

Let’s imagine for a second the mind of a player. First, what is a player? A player, usually a man, is a guy that “plays” with people’s hearts. They’re a person that doesn’t invest emotionally in a relationship and tries to always get a better partner. A player goes in for the kill, to sleep with someone, then either cheats or moves on to the next target, all while not emotionally getting attached, having fun and breaking your heart.

Some guys want to be a player, there is a certain status to being a player. Like a good looking guy who can walk up to the hottest girl in the bar and sweet talk his way into her bedroom. Guys also idolize a player, because not only can he get whatever he wants, he can walk away unscathed, with not a scratch on his heart and the energy to find his next victim.

Celebrity players, such as George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio, seem to have it all. Good looks, money and a bevy of babes at their beck and call. Why settle down when you have hot chicks all over you?

Let’s look a little deeper into the mind of a player, shall we? Is it all that it’s cracked up to be? Sleeping with one chick and moving onto the next, and next, and next can’t get old right? I mean, look at Hugh Hefner, he’s a million and one years old and he’s happy right?

But if you really look at a player, you’ll see someone who has gotten hurt in the past. They flew too close to the sun (meaning they loved a girl once that burned them) and instead of loving again, they closed their feelings down and settled for the physical pleasures of a relationship, but firmly closing the down on the emotional pleasure.

Sure, I mean, if you can net an unlimited amount of models like DiCaprio, what’s the point of settling down? But you’re not DiCaprio are you? You may be good looking, or even charming, but at the end of the day, just being causal with relationships isn’t what you really want.

Look at it like friendships. Do you want a bunch of rotating buds to go see baseball games with? Only to hang out with them a couple of times and never see them again and get a new group of friends? Isn’t that kind of exhausting getting to know all these guys only to discard them and make new friends? You want friends to stick around, friends that are there for you and most of all, friends that you have things in common with and you’ll know that when you hang out, you’ll have a hell of a time.

It reminds me of the movie Home Alone 2. Even though it’s just a kid’s film, there is a really deep scene between Kevin and the bird lady in the park. Kevin talks to her and she says she doesn’t want to love because she doesn’t want to risk getting hurt. But here is the dialogue which I think is important because it breaks down what it feels like to close yourself off to love.

Bird Lady: The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.

Kevin: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.

Bird Lady: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.

Kevin: Maybe they’re just too busy. Maybe they don’t forget about you, ┬ábut they forget to remember you. People don’t mean to forget. My grandfather says if my head wasn’t screwed on, I’d leave it on the school busy.

Bird Lady: I’m just afraid if I do trust someone, I’ll get my heart broken.

Kevin: I understand. I had a nice pair of rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times.

Bird Lady: A person’s heart and feelings are very different from skates.

Kevin: They’re kind of the same thing. If you won’t use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it’ll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won’t be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.

Bird Lady: Little truth in there somewhere.

Kevin: I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn’t gone. If it was gone, you wouldn’t be so nice.

 

Basically, what I’m saying is that we’re all human. And humans need certain things in their lives. They need shelter, food, to feel safe. And they need relationships. They need family, friends and a partner. Having someone who cares about you for you, not for your money or looks or anything else superficial, is amazing. Someone who shares your interests, someone you can care for, someone who will stick around when things get tough. You’ll get sick someday, you’ll get hurt someday, and that person will be there for you like a rock. If you’re afraid of getting hurt, join the club, because guess what? EVERYONE is afraid of getting hurt. These are the risks you have to make in life, or else you’ll never really live. And you’ll never really know.

So, why would you want to be a player? A player is based on ego. Playing up their ego and trying to score, but that can get old and you’ll start feeling detached to people. All the girls look the same, act the same… but that’s because you’re going after certain types of girls so you don’t get attached.

George Clooney dated blond models for like forever. And who did he end up with? A smart brunette! Someone who challenged him mentally. Because why have the superficial when you can have the real deal? Why play up your ego when you can really find someone to have fun with, and not just in the bed, but in life? Someone you can travel with, someone who gets your jokes and makes life worth sharing.

If you feel you have to be a player to stay on top, you’re only kidding yourself at the end of the day.

I’ll leave you with one last story. I used to work at Starbucks, and there was an old man, grandpa age, that started to work there. One day he was leaving work and put on a leather jacket, a biker jacket and I talked to him. I found out that he never got married, and never had kids and regretted it. Here was this old man that probably had adventures out on the road with his biker gang, but at the end of his life, he didn’t have anyone to come home to.

Life is short, and if you close yourself for too long, you may lose your chance.

Ok, Gentlemen, we got a little deep here this time, I hope you enjoyed and talk to you next time.

Dating is Scary

“Men are afraid women will laugh at them.
Women are afraid men will kill them.”

The quote above, which I’m probably butchering, which I’m forgetting who said it… I believe a comedian a while ago, rings a very clear truth that men don’t think about, but is very real to women.

Women are told throughout their lives to watch out for themselves, be careful where they go and who they’re with. I know as a kid I had kidnapping nightmares after Polly Klaas was kidnapped from her own bedroom and murdered.

But dating can be a scary thing for women. Men may be afraid of looking like a fool, but women are afraid of getting hurt.

Domestic violence, killings and in other countries like China and India, being born a daughter, the more likely your chances are of dying, becoming a child bride and treated like property.

Although this dating advice in the blog is fun and quirky, what concerns me is the comments I receive, and the attitudes of men of trying to change “the game” into their advantage of “laying” women. Treating women like a puzzle that needs a code to crack isn’t what this blog is all about. If you think that women are just there for the pleasure of men, you will never find love, and you will forever be disappointed and full of disappointment, and hate.

Women are human beings and dating and being in a relationship with someone who is your equal is far better than treating a partner as a piece or property to be used, sold and destroyed.

Remember, at the end of your days, how will you remember your life? Being selfish never leads to happiness, and the only true way to happiness is helping and being of use to others. The only way. If you have a bad day, just do some volunteer work, help a kid, help someone else and you will feel so much better about yourself.

So, the world treatment of women, as things to be consumed, needs to stop. Your happiness and everyone else’s depends on it.

So, next time you take some dating advice, remember, it is advice and not a game. Remember that women are not codes to be cracked, as you’re not a puzzle to be solved. Finding someone who cares about you for you and vice versa will be much more rewarding in the long run.

Thanks, gentlemen.