The Ways a Girl Flirts

Hello Gentlemen,

Today we are going to talk about how a woman flirts and if she’s into you, and the reasons why she isn’t into you.

Let’s be pretty clear from the get-go, if a girl you meet at a house party, social event, twitter, etc. is talking to you, it doesn’t automatically mean she loves you and wants to have your babies.

Case in point:

One time I was at a friend’s house party, where I met a guy for the first time. He was nice enough, we talked about movies or something, I have no idea, and other people were talking to us. This guy and I weren’t alone together, I wasn’t even standing close to him and we were in an open space talking to other people. He was asking about my music career and I gave him my card. Just friendly chatting. He then later added me on Facebook, and chatted with me then proceeded to ask me for dinner.

I declined, as nicely as I could, and it all ended there.

I see how it can be hard for guys to see what went wrong here, but just to clarify, just because someone of the opposite sex is talking to you, doesn’t mean she likes you. Here’s how he could have seen I was not interested.

The Ways a Girl Flirts

1) Touch – When a girl is interested, she usually gravitates toward a guy. She’ll stand closer to him, she’ll laugh and touch his shoulder, she’ll do what she can to be in his bubble. She’ll touch his knee, etc. If a girl is standing far away from you, and not even attempting to touch you and looks like her body is positioned away from you while she’s talking, see where her body is positioned, because that’s what’s she’s more interested in (i.e. the fruit punch or the lesbian chick on the other side of the room).

2) Teasing – What a great way to flirt. When you engage in teasing of the opposite sex, it’s a safe way to test the waters and see how someone is attracted to you. If you’re laughing, teasing and you two grativate closer, it’s a very easy way to see how someone reacts to you. If the girl isn’t too interested, she probably won’t tease too much back, and won’t draw in closer to you.

3) Compliments – A girl will start complimenting a guy or show interest in what he does. Although, showing interest can be VERY tricky. Asking someone about their job and where they live is very platonic, and even though a girl can ask about these things, it can go both ways, she can very well be acting friendly and interested. How do you know she’s INTERESTED? She’ll probably start asking about your hobbies, what you do in your spare time. She’ll also engage in talking about other subjects: dating, what she’s doing on the weekend, movies, etc. The conversation can be a tricky place to gauge how much a girl likes you, so you have to look into Rules 1 and 2, if the conversation turns into teasing, and light touching, flirting is definitely in effect and the girl is interested in you.

4) Body Language – How the girl carries herself is telling as well. Is she touching her hair? Is her body facing yours? Is she smiling? Are her palms facing up? Is her head off to one side? To show interest, cocking your head to the side is a common signal. If a girl also lifts her arm, say to scratch the back of her head and exposes the underarm, this is a vunerable sign, meaning she is able to be vunerable around you. If she is standing with arms crossed, several feet away from you and her body is positioned to somewhere else in the room, I’d say it’s a fair guess she is not interested in you. Grooming is a typical sign a girl is interested, playing with hair, smoothing out clothes are common flirting signals.

So, what did we learn today, Gentlemen? Now you can refer to the previous example and see how I was NOT interested in the guy. I didn’t tease or compliment the guy. I didn’t get closer to him or show any flirting signals. I was just being polite and chatty. Girls talk, they’re polite and we’re brought up to be that way. Don’t get mad at us if you can’t read the signals. Just learn for next time, and it’ll be so clear when a girl IS into you. Girls also like to have male friendships. If she’s not really showing signs of attraction, she probably just wants to be a friend.

And there is the wild card… *when a girl doesn’t want you to know she likes you. Those situations, tread lightly and with more friendship and time, you will be able to see her true colors. And hey, great relationships take time, so take your time too when it comes to flirting.


*A lot of you guys have been commenting on the Wild Card, when a girl likes you but doesn’t want to show it, check out this post to find out more.


15 thoughts on “The Ways a Girl Flirts

  1. I agree with all 5 points to an extent. Well I totally agree with all 5 points but would like to add some nuances and perspectives.

    Sure leaning in towards the guy is a sure sign of the girl’s attraction in the way (as you say her body will gravitate).

    If she doesn’t do this however, it doesn’t mean she isn’t attracted. If she leans away, sure that’s a sign of non interest most of the time.

    However, it’s very common that if she isn’t being standoffish neither leaning in, it still may indicate liking, just that she’s trying to consciously fight it.

    1. Yeah, that’s why I mentioned the wild card at the bottom, if she doesn’t want to show interest, or if she doesn’t even know what she feels. And again, she could not be single and is just being chatty.

      Assuming a gir likes you when she hasn’t done anything to indicate that is an assumption and should be treaded cautiously.

    2. Finally!!! Man, you wouldn’t believe the posts I’ve read today. The last blog I was on I think they’re gearing up for a lynching. Lol, there’s nothing like a good god fearing dating post to get the romance blood flowing… Anyway, I fully enjoy reading ya post hun. I’ll be sending some guys I know your way.

      1. The last post I read was call “(Jesus Approved) Christian Dating tips: 18 Common Sense Principles for Dating.” Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, who know :/

  2. I think that trying to understand what constitues as flirting from both sexes is so undeniably tricky. I think you did a great job of clarifying it! However, even though I’m a woman, if I was in that guy’s shoes I probably would’ve done the same thing, so I don’t think he did an outrageous move. And there’s no harm in taking a chance if you can handle the potential rejection.

    1. Oh, by all means, I’m not saying he did anything wrong! And it’s completely tricky! I think a guy should just go for it, if he wants to. But for guys reading this blog and want to to read girls signals a little better, this is what this is all about. I know some guys that always wonder why girls don’t like them, and some guys are completely clueless. I have also dated guys that had no idea how to be themselves and be normal… I’m not discouraging anyone from asking anyone out. I think if you have the guts, go for the glory! But, there are ways to read signals, and there is a thing such as romance… so taking your time is recommended 🙂

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