It’s OK Being Single

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time no see! Today I want to talk to you about recovering from a break-up and why it’s a good idea to wait before jumping into a new relationship.

Let me tell you of a (horror)story. There was a man who was married with kids that had an extremely jealous wife. She was so jealous, he couldn’t even be caught talking to another woman. He suffered a while before divorcing her. Then he jumped into another marriage with another woman. Fast forward a bit and he went back to the former ex-wife after a death in the family. He is now back with the crazy ex-wife and he can’t even talk to women in person or over the phone AT ALL. His daughter also turned just as jealous as the mom.

I was told this was a great guy. I’m telling you guys this story so that you can avoid traps like these. You get into these traps when you can’t handle being alone, you don’t know how to take care of yourself, so you just jump into another relationship with a woman without getting to know her, but most importantly, without getting to know yourself.

You need a minimum of three months of not talking to your ex-girlfriend/wife after a break-up. After that, consider taking a year off after a long-term relationship that went bad before jumping into a new relationship.

“A year??? A whole year???” I hear you yelling at me. YES!!! ESPECIALLY if it was a LONG-TERM relationship. We’re talking 5+ years with a woman. You need time to get over her and LEARN what went wrong. Was she crazy? Were you crazy? Did you cheat on her? Did she cheat on you? Were you too trusting? Was she not around? You need to come to terms with what went wrong the relationship and learn more about who you are and what you want out of your NEXT relationship.

When I was online dating, unfortunately a lot of guys that contacted me JUST, like, JUST got out of a relationship, signed up on OKCupid and started messaging girls. They just could NOT be alone. A guy cancelled a date with me because he told me the night of that he had just broken up with a girlfriend of a few years a WEEK before. Seriously??? What are you doing online dating then? You need to be hanging out with your bros, not hitting up girls to boost your ego.

Don’t be that guy. Don’t go online dating and jumping into a relationship or heaven forbid, marriage right after a nasty break-up.

Just, forget about girls for a while. Focus on your job, do some volunteering. Grow up a bit. Clean up the pieces of your heart all over the floor before inviting another girl into that mess.

Because if you take the time to heal, you’ll be stronger, you’ll be aware WHAT a bad girl looks like and how to avoid her and you’ll increase the chances of finding someone better for you and stay in the new relationship longer.

Have a great weekend, Gentlemen.

Pay for the First Date, damnit!

Hello Gentlemen,

Better be generous with that cash!
Better be generous with that cash!

Sorry if the title kind of throws you off guard and seems a bit… “angry”, but I think there are still guys out there that are too cheap to pay for the first date (and the few subsequent first dates thereafter).

I’m saying a guy should pay for the first date, and a couple after, for a variety of reasons. I’ve been on several first dates, several of them from online, and just a handful I went on dates where we went out for coffee… and the guy didn’t even pay for the coffee!!

Ugh. Really? I know it’s common courtesy for whomever asks the other out for the date, that they should pay. But even if the girl asked out the guy for a date, c’mon, guys, pay for the first date!

Personally, here’s reasons why I like guys paying for first dates and it’s not completely superficial and gold-digging as you may think.

1. I gotta make sure there ain’t any other huneys. First boyfriend I ever had, waaaayyyy back in high school, was cheating on me… well, not really cheating ON me, he was cheating on HIS girlfriend of two years with ME for two months. I mean, you could even say, he wasn’t technically a boyfriend, someone I dated when I was young, but still. And after that, I was always weary of a guy that was really cheap around me. Turns out, having a lot of huneys gets really expensive, so cheater-douchebag-boyfriend didn’t want to pay for my food or anything really. And being teenagers, it’s not like he could afford paying for his girlfriend AND all the other girls he was trying to hook up with. So, he was cheap, and I always kept this in mind. If a guy didn’t want to pay for things early on… does that mean there are other girls he’s paying for too?…

2. If he’s cheap in the beginning… then maybe it’ll get hell of a lot worse.  It wasn’t like I was asking for 4 star meals, nights at the Four Seasons and the finest crab to swim in the Pacific Ocean for dinner, I just wanted the guy to pay for my coffee! Imagine you sit down for a first date with a guy, you’re excited and then he excuses himself to get HIMSELF a coffee. Ok, fine, I’ll get my own then… and with cheap-ass coffee guy, turned out he was fine with lying to me about being a pot-head, so much that he’d take a shower every time before our dates to get the smell off of him. Yeah, cheap and a liar… I’m gonna vote no on this one.

3. If he doesn’t want to share with you now, how will he be a partner later? Again, there are gold-digger girls out there and normal girls. The gold-digger girls usually rat themselves out early by asking what kind of car you drive right off the bat. They also look really fake. But for those normal girls who are looking for a great guy, they want a partner and a guy who is giving. He doesn’t have to fork out the finest gold on earth to capture her attention, but he must be generous, because the girl will come by on the next date and pay for it, or get dessert, or whatever. But it’s a give-and-take relationship and it’s good to start off giving instead of taking.

So, gentlemen, pay for the first few dates, and if the girl appreciates it, she’ll pay the favor back by paying for the next date, etc. Don’t expect anything in return, and give for the sake of giving instead of expecting ANYTHING from the girl. You want a quality girl and she wants a quality guy.

Thank you, Gentlemen.

Online dating sites ranked, what’s the best fit for you?

Hello Gentlemen,comp

If you’re new to online dating or even a seasoned pro, picking the right dating website for you can be confusing. Should you pay? Does free online dating sites mean no one’s serious? It is difficult and above dating sites, I still recommend starting the dating process in person (from first meeting, to asking out on date, to first date, etc) because a bit of romance is killed when you meet someone online and then they have to match your expectations of their profile to real life. Which, can be disappointing and almost impossible to predict the outcome, although online dating CAN work for people and I know personally real life stories that resulted in long relationships and marriage.

Through my experience, both literally with using dating sites and through literature that I’ve read on the topic, I have a lot of opinions on which dating sites to use and how to use them.

First, what are your expectations? Are you looking to find the love of your life or are you out to see what fish are in the dating pond? Are you looking for a hook-up or are you really looking for something real?

Remember that this is one of the ways to meet new women. Don’t give up meeting women in person, but online dating can expand your dating pool and if you’re rusty on going out on a first date, will help you get more experience in meeting women.

There are paying and non-paying websites to use and apps. They can change a lot. People will say that paying for an online dating site means you’re serious into finding a relationship. With that kind of mindset, it is tempting to go for a paying online dating service like EHarmony, Match.com and HowAboutWe.com. I remember signing up for EHarmony.com and got rejected as one of the few percent they couldn’t match, so I can’t tell you how they work (hah!) but I’m kind of glad I didn’t use their website (think you rejected me? Well I reject you 😛 ). I think if you want to try a paying online dating site, don’t pay more than for 3 months. The unfortunate thing is that there are a lot of “dummy” profiles. Meaning, people sign up for a free profile then never sign back on, or stories of fake profiles being promoted that people don’t even use anymore. These are to tempt you into thinking there are lots of fish in the sea, but sometimes there’s not as many active users as you would like.

There are active users on these sites, and generally, yes, they’re more serious into finding a relationship since they’re paying. BUT, since you’re paying doesn’t mean you’re getting a better experience than a non-paying site. Because you can go on a lot of dates from a non-paying site and the plus- you don’t have to pay!

discSo, again, try Match.com and HowABoutWe and other paying online dating sites if you’re very serious about finding someone special, but also remember if you’re not successful in finding people who answer back to your messages or even if you do find a date, it’s not always better than non-paying sites.

Non-paying sites I’ve used are OkCupid and PlentyOfFish. I actually know people who’ve had long term relationships (and are still dating!) from these sites. So, saying non-paying sites that people aren’t serious isn’t true. It’s just that in addition to serious applicants, you have to sift through a lot of other people who are looking to hook up. So, hey, if you’re looking for a rebounding, sad person, they’re abound here! But seriously, you wouldn’t believe how many guys just wanted a f*** buddy on OkCupid because they JUST broke up with their long-term girlfriends and (in every SINGLE case) she was crazy and they were heartbroken. So, they didn’t want to touch a “serious relationship” with a ten-foot pole.

Now that I got that out of me, phew! There are a lot of people who are looking for something serious and DO use non-paying dating sites. Try different sites and the cool thing with a lot of these dating sites is their phone apps. There’s location-based apps, which I think everyone should try, where you can just meet someone right away for a date who’s close by you.

The good thing about dating location apps, is if you by-pass the process of judging someone by their profile, you can find out right away if the person you’re talking to, really click in person. And the Number One reason why I advocate for meeting people in real life as opposed to online is that you can’t know if you have chemistry with a person until you meet them face to face. So, you could chat with messages until the cows come home, you can chat on the phone, scrutinize their profiles, but it means NOTHING until you’ve met in person. They could be totally witty in their messages and then clam up once you meet in person.

So, don’t judge TOO harshly on pictures and profiles and don’t worry so much about having the perfect profile. Keep your profile short and sweet. Keep things 2-3 sentences for each section. Don’t write a novel, but also don’t write, “Um, I dunno how to describe myself…” You need to put in some effort and describe yourself, but also know that a profile really doesn’t mean anything until you meet someone in person. You can’t recreate chemistry online. So, the faster you meet someone in person, the faster you know if there’s any chemistry between you two. Also, be mindful that you don’t want to rush a girl to meet in person too. Talking for two-three days with consistant messaging every day is a natural timeframe to ask someone out for coffee.

So, you got your online profile, make sure that your pictures show your face, don’t hide your identity. When you do ask someone out for a date, keep the date short, happy hour drinks, coffee, etc. If you’re REALLY digging the girl, ask her out for dinner. The nice thing about a dinner date is that you have time to really get to know each other. Although it’s tough when you’ve never met in person before, so I say pull out this card if you really have a feeling it’ll work out well between you two.

I never officially counted how many first online dates I’ve been on. I want to say around 30. Yeah, I know, that’s a LOT of first dates. And out of those dates, I’d say about three of them lasted for 2-4 dates. There are some people who meet their “one” right away, so everyone is different. Why was my 1st date success so low? Why wasn’t I getting a second date, but most importantly, why did I refuse a second date?

Don’t call me entirely picky. Women are labeled picky, but in our defense, we have to be, amIright? But seriously, women have to filter out the bad guys to get a good one. I’d have to say the majority of these first dates that didn’t work out, was because there was no chemistry. Sometimes on my end, and sometimes on their end. I’ve had a range of experiences to a guy wanting a one night stand (no… that’s not what I was looking for…) and one that ended dinner early because he couldn’t get away from me fast enough (and I didn’t care for him either, so whatever!).

untitledAfter so many dates, you can’t get so offended if someone doesn’t like you. There’s a variety of reasons why things work out and why they don’t, but you can’t get hung up over it. Everyone is different. A few times I went on dates, the guys did NOT look like their photos, so it was awkward to expect a curly blond guy and meet a bald man for a first date. Already we’re not being honest here…

And I’m saying I’m not the most pickest of girls, but I do know what I want. Not everyone knows what they want, so when it comes to online dating, knowing what you want will help big time.

You have to look at online dating like a numbers game, or winning the lottery. Sometimes, it’ll just work out, and you’ll be the right match, and sometimes you’ll get a dud. If your date is offensive or rude, don’t keep seeing them. Don’t get mad at someone if they don’t like you the same way. Although my advice to men dating women online, is to take things slow, don’t rush a date or the relationship if you really want to see a future with the girl. Even though some romance is replaced with a profile, make sure to suprise your date, do something small and romantic, to make the date memorable.

Here’s some final advice to sum things up.

– Don’t take things too personally if a date doesn’t work out.

– Try different dating websites to see what works for you.

– Even though online dating is a numbers game, do be thoughtful to your dates and in your messages.

– Be as honest as possible: use current photos in your profile, don’t make up your profile.

– Don’t say too much in your profile, leave some mystery for the date!

– Paying for online dating doesn’t always mean a better experience.

– Don’t give up on trying to meet someone in real life, use online dating as an additional supplement to your real life.

– Do try to see the person from online in person as soon as you can. Don’t rush the girl, but remember that online or over the phone chemistry is vastly different from in person chemistry.

 

What is your experience with online dating? Any questions for the next post?

How to Talk to Girls: Be a Great Conversationalist

Don't get tongue-tied! Here's how to talk to the ladies.
Don’t get tongue-tied! Here’s how to talk to the ladies.

Hello Gentlemen!

Today we’re going to dive into how to talk to women. Please put your phones down, and pay attention, because while you may be busy using Tinder to meet the ladies, you’re missing all the REAL women walking right in front of you.

While online dating is super tempting, (you can meet girls that ALSO liked your pic!), it’s very time consuming. Think about it, how many minutes, hours, days or even months have you been looking for a girl? Sometimes it takes years of dating to meet someone you somewhat click with, but it’s a lot of time looking through profiles, messaging back and forth to only meet someone in person and find out right away that you don’t want to spend the rest of the date with… and it’s back to ground zero.

In reference to my previous post on finding a date in San Francisco for men,this article from SF Gate has popped up on how in San Francisco, women aren’t being approached or flirted with and they have to rely on technology to get a date.

So, gentlemen, we’re going to discuss today on how to talk to women in real life. For realz.

Some of the best conversational advice I’d ever seen was from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, and I will share that wisdom with you. Even though the title seems manipulative, I assure you, the book has no manipulation techniques, only common sense guidelines that have stood the test of time, written back in 1937, these techniques will not only help you with talking with people in general, but also improve your relationships but also help you with your career.

According to Carnegie, one of the best ways to be a great conversationalist is to be a great listener. most people love to talk and rarely do people really feel like they get “heard”. People are brimming with stories, case in point, the lovely lady you’re eyeing. Upon meeting someone, the best way to engage someone is finding out about that person. So, first:

You Must Be Interested

This doesn’t mean only being interested in the person, duh, you’re totally into that hottie; but be “interested” in what they do, who they are, their hobbies, etc. When you find out that someone likes sailing, or playing video games, or riding horses, you can connect with someone who also enjoys the same thing or lets them share that joy with you. I remember in past dating experiences, I could tell a guy REALLY liked me if he kept asking me questions about my work and what I did in my spare time, and for me, these guys stuck out the most. I liked them! I liked a guy would was “curious” about who I was and just wasn’t making small talk. They were interested in what make me tick.

Ask Questions

You don’t need to have a bunch of one-liners, jokes or stories to hook in a girl. You just need to ask questions to keep the conversation going. Be careful of sounding like an interviewer, don’t go into the date with more than three prepared questions. It’ll sound way too automated. Let the conversation flow naturally by asking questions to keep things going. If she’s talking about ballet classes she took while she was a kid, where were the classes? Does she still continue ballet? Are there other kinds of dancing she likes? With any luck, you can have a long conversation and learn a lot about the girl which just asking the questions and she’ll feel glad to finally have someone to really listen to her.

It doesn’t take a lot of story-telling to be a great conversationalist, just genuine interest in the person you’re talking to. Refrain from talking about yourself too much, but get to know the girl and ask her questions so you can find out more. Don’t be an interviewer with repeated questions, but let the conversation continue and flow.

 

Thanks, Gentlemen.

 

 

Your Online Dating Profile: What Stays and What Must Go

Hello Gentlemen,

Online dating can feel like swirling in the abyss, your profile is out there for all to see and your shining face to be scrutinized by all the onlookers.

How do you write your profile to not sound like a sales ad, but also to show your outstanding personality and deviant witty charm?

First off, with most online dating sites you’ll have a basic profile. This is pretty standard where you can write a few paragraphs about yourself. Don’t start off with a quote, or write about yourself in the 3rd person UNLESS you write some funny “referrals” from your friends like, “The smartest guy I know, he’s amazing with dogs.” (yeah, I know that’s kind of a lame quote, but bear with me here). Those kind of funny quotes shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously. It’s good to write what your interests are and it’s fine to write a little bit.

Some girls will complain if it’s too long, I say screw those girls, because writing more, not less shows to me your: writing style (Are you literate? This is an important, crucial quality for some women), how you talk (are you funny? serious? crazy?), are you interesting? (will you be a boring date?). The girls that complain you write too much are probably: illiterate (and you want a girl that can read, right?), only into herself (and you want her to be into you as well, AmIRight?), not that interesting herself (and you want a girl with a life).

So, feel free to write about your interests, TV shows you like, that you like hiking, riding your motorcycle, etc. Lists are ok… to a point, don’t make your whole profile about lists, makes you look way too picky.

Things to Avoid:

Sometimes it’s good to say what you like/dislike in a girl. But what can be really weird is if you’re very specific, such as saying you only like girls with short hair and if you go on a date with a girl with long hair, just kind of makes her feel like you don’t want her. Also listing a lot of stuff you DON’T want can be offputting as well. If it’s kind of general and not too specific, it shows what you’re looking for, but if you’re like, “I HATE tattoos!” girls will think your ex also did a number on you, AND she was tattooed… and she doesn’t want a visual of your Kat Von D ex, ew.

– Also, if you JUST got out of a relationship, PLEASE don’t just onto online dating the second your relationship ended. It’s REALLY awkward. I’ll see guys that says, “I’m single now!” on their profile status, and that tells me you’re not looking for anything serious at all and you have baggage from your last girlfriend, who of course was crazy. They’re ALL crazy ex-girlfriends, right??? @_@ One time, I had a guy set up a date with me, only to cancel hours before the date because he just got out of a 2 year relationship a week ago. Like, REALLY??? So, don’t exclaim, “I’M SINGLE LADIES, COME AND GET IT!!!”, because that makes girls want to run in the other direction. You’re not a hot comodity and it’s kind of creepy and desperate.

Don’t write a resume. There’s no need to tell your WHOLE backstory, you can divulge a bit about where you grew up and the places you moved, but we don’t need to really go into great detail, that’s what the first date is for.

Don’t do a blank profile and no pictures. Either/or are a bad idea. Don’t write “I don’t know what to say….” and write nothing, or say, “I don’t like talking about myself” then go on to write a novel. Heh. Yeah right, it just shows you’re full of yourself when you pull that one. It’s all awkward for all of us, just skip the awkward part.

Things TO Do:

Be light hearted and funny! I always love profiles that are really funny, not too serious, but then I get a good picture of what kind of guy he is.

Say what you’re looking for. Don’t go on online dating expecting the girl wants the same thing as you, because there are huge spectrums of what people are looking for. If you want some “fun”, then say it. You won’t be wasting a girl’s time if she’s looking for something committed and you want to audition for the next “Bachelor”.

Talk about things you enjoy, and that will help girls be able to find something to talk about.

Be cute. It’s ok to be a little cute when describing what kind of girl you’re looking for like, “someone who likes to snuggle“. That’s darn cute, go for it.

What are your online dating strategies? Any questions? Shoot them in the comment section and I’ll answer them!

Put your Best Face Forward: What Pictures to Use for Online Dating and What Not To

Some of these pics scream stay away!
Some of these pics scream stay away!

Hello Gentlemen,

One topic I’ve had people ask me about are choosing photos for your online dating profile.

This is another gripe that myself and my girl friends desparately want guys to understand, how to put your best pictures forward and also how to not be misleading.

Let’s face it, when cruising through other people’s online dating profiles, you look at the pictures first, and if you seem satisfied, then you’ll look at the profile to make sure this person isn’t a psycho serial killer, and that you like the same movies (obviously).

Here’s a real-life horror story from one of my online dating adventures. Admist living in LA, I met up with someone I had been chatting with online at a bar/pool hall. The pictures of this guy were of him running a marathon, blond curly hair, very athletic. When we met up in person, guess what he looked like? Fat and bald, the curly hair marathoner was nowhere to be found and I was stuck with this impostor instead.

The marathoner was INDEED the same fat, bald man, but those pictures must have been 5-10 years ago in his prime. I felt so mislead, not ONE picture of him with no hair in any of his pictures. Was I supposed to pretend this was the same person? I went ahead with the date and it went awry after having a “debate” on racisim vs. feminism, so it was pretty much doomed fromt the start.

So, PICTURES, people, are supposed to show your onlookers what you look like RIGHT NOW, and not what you used to look like. Here is a List of Pictures that will lead to your detriment, and probably a bad first date if you do not heed my warnings.

1. The “HOT” Pics of you from Yesteryear – As previously mentioned, be HONEST with what you look like now. You want a girl to like you, but if your pictures are misleading, what else are you hiding?

2. The Sunglasses Pic – This is hands-down my BIGGEST gripe about online dating profiles where a guy will have all his pictures be shot really far away or with sunglasses on, so you can’t really see what he looks like. Hey, if you can see my face clearly, I should be able to see yours clearly. You’re just not playing fair and with this guys, I’m more likely to pass them up, because I STILL don’t know what they look like!

3. Pictures with other girls – This one is pretty dumb. There are guys who pose with other girls in their pictures. Usually if it’s a sister or mom, the guy will state it, but the ones where it’s not explained, you can only assume this was an ex-girlfriend… or some girl the guy was hoping to get with… or just some random hot chick that the guy swindled into taking a picture with. This kind of pictures says: I’m a player. You have to look hotter than this girl I am next to. I’m not serious at all with this dating site. If you’re actually looking for a geniune girl, she will be turned off. How would you feel if you see the girl you are eyeing with tons of hot guys? Not really the first image you want to imagine with the person you could potentially date.

4. The Party Animal Pics – Sure, you’re a fun, out-going guy. You like to party with your “bros” and you know how to have a good time. Although, taking pictures of you wasted, with a wig, dressing like a girl, etc. doesn’t really let a girl like me get true insight into your soul. It just tells me you’re the drunken village idiot, you are not to be taken seriously, and doesn’t make me attracted to you. In my previous post “The Bad Boys Complex” I illustrated how women aren’t attracted to boys, they’re attracted to MEN, and this picture here says, “I’m not reliable, please come pick me off the floor and take me home with you”. If you want a party girl, then by all means, go ahead, but if you want to actually attract someone special, best leave your wild party pics on Facebook where they belong.

So, Single Girl, what pictures should I use? You’re such a buzzkill, man…

Have a couple of pics of your face that are clear! Maybe if you had a beard before and one without a beard. No old pictures, no more than 3 years old. Have a full length picture of your whole body. Pictures with your friends, out traveling is fine and make sure to SMILE! If you have the same sour expression in all your pictures, you come across as an unapproachable guy. Have some that are thoughtful, but at least one with you smiling. Dont have a solo pic of your dog, but you WITH your dog will definitely grab some girl’s attention.

Good luck, soldier!

Have any questions for me? Go ahead and ask me what you’d like me to discuss in further blog posts in the comment section below and I will answer your questions!

How NOT to First Time Message a Girl through Online Dating: The 5 No-Nos

morgueFile free photos
Try a little harder, buddy

So, you’ve been cruising and perusing through your OKCupid/PlentyofFish/Match.com/HowAboutWe online dating site. You know it’s tough to get a response from some of the hot chicks you see online. How do you grab their attention? How can you INCREASE the likelihood that she will respond back?

Well, hold on to you computer chair armrests, because these are the Top 5 No-Nos when it comes to first initiating contact to a real live female in the interwebz.

1. The Grenade Blast – You think you’re SOOO clever. Just message 500 girls the same message and you’re bound to get at least ONE girl to respond back to you right?

The problem with the grenade approach for any girl worth half her wits, is you can smell it a website away and leaves the girl feeling that much more NOT special. A typical grenade blast usually looks like this:

Hey girl, you’re so beautiful. My name is —- and I love to surf, hike (blah, blah, blah), we should totally hang out or something and get coffee“.

Here’s the grenade blast which also pairs up with “The Resume” (quite a popular one with the Silicon Valley nerds).

Hi there, my name is —- and I grew up in —-, I work at —- and live in —-. I am loyal, honest, and I enjoy cooking. I would be a great boyfriend and you should let me show you, I am caring, thoughtful and I am looking for an honest relationship….. (on an on for about a page)”

What’s wrong with these previous examples? Should I let you guess? What’s GLARINGLY obvious?

It’s all about the guy! How many times can this guy talk about himself? It’s obvious he took one look at the girl’s picture, decided “the grenade blast will do well here: Initiate Mission” and start sending the same message about yourself over and over. Hopefully telling a girl how fabulous you are, or better yet, keep it short but mention NOTHING about her profile will win her over, right?

Totally wrong. There is nothing in these messages that indicates that the guy even read the girl’s profile. Also, the reason why a guy has a profile is so the girl can scope out his profile without him giving a resume on why he would be the best boyfriend ever. And you totally know not to trust someone when they say, “trust me“.

The bottom line: The problem is the guy in these messages is making the very first contact about himself, and nothing about the girl. The “beautiful” remark can be said of any girl, so there’s nothing valuable to that. When first messaging a girl, write about something in HER profile so she knows you like HER and she isn’t getting an automated message and isn’t one of the 1,000 girls that got the same message. Also, when you comment on something in her profile, there is some conversation to start out on and can make her feel special.

Cause she is damn special. Sheesh.

2. “Hi” – I REALLY don’t have to go too much into this one, because you obviously didn’t put much thought into this one. Whenever a guy doesn’t give ANY effort to writing a first message and writes “Hi” and nothing else. I just move on faster to another profile. How cheap/unattentive/boring is this guy?

The bottom line: Put SOME effort into writing a first message to a girl, or else she won’t put any effort in writing you back.

3. The “Neg/Insult” – This is an ACTUAL message I got from a guy:

“I can’t decide whether you’re really hot or I suppose the alternative would be not to be. I mean it’s clear that you’re attractive and you might be really hot but darn I swear I just can’t bloody tell.”

Yes, wow. So, am I supposed to be like… how am I supposed to feel after a message like that? Don’t insult a girl in your first message (or second…) It won’t make her like you more. This guy is NOT hot at all, so the debate if I’m hot or not doesn’t matter to me, because I could tell in a millisecond I wouldn’t give him the time of day (or directions to Grant Street in SF) if I saw him in person. Insulting a girl doesn’t raise YOUR value. There’s a difference in jesting and joking and just being insulting.

The bottom line: There’s a better way to be funny and catch a girl’s attention, the insult just makes you look like a passive aggressive nerfherder.

4. “The Baffler” – Here is another gem of a baffler first message I got:

Do you like milk with ice?” and “Do you wear socks to bed?”

That is it. That’s all they wrote. Just a dumb ass question. Is Men’s Health Magazine or one of those dumb men’s magazines giving you this advice to ask a girl a really stupid question? How is that even a pick up line? This is just beyond silly and makes me confused.

The bottom line: Don’t confuse the poor girl, she’s already confused enough with online dating.

5. The Cheesiest pick-up line – And finally, the grand tamale, another real first message from my online dating adventures:

You’re so hot, I would buy you a happy meal and let you keep the toy

And this was from a guy that was 7 years younger than me. Really makes me feel like a cougar @_@

Cheesy pick-up lines are already hard enough in real life, and women still can’t escape them on the interwebz? Will the madness never end?

The bottom line: If you think that cheesy pick-up line wouldn’t work in real life, don’t even think about applying that hush puppy in real life.

Well, then, Single Girl, how DO you message a girl for the first time?

Keep the first message short, 3-5 sentences will do. Mention something you read in her profile, “you enjoy glacier rock-climbing? What a small world!?” and if you want to tease her, go ahead, “you like Miyazaki movies? You can’t be ALL that bad!”. You don’t need to tell her she’s pretty (yet), leave that for the real, live first date. Tell her to have a good day and leave it at that. You don’t need to ask her for coffee right away, just make a short exchange at first, be funny and show that you read her DAMN PROFILE *ahem* and she will think of you as a charming guy.

Phew! Write your online dating adventures in the comments below, how is messaging girls online for you?