One of the exciting things about being single, is having that “first kiss”. Going on the first date, and ending the night with a fabulous kiss.
I think expecting a kiss on the first date isn’t a great set-up for success. Yes, sometimes kissing a person can get some things out of the way: are they a bad kisser? no chemistry?
I will have to argue, that some of the best first kisses occur after date 2 or 3, not date 1. If you can manage it, WAIT for the first kiss. When you get to know the person better and the anticipation of, “when will it happen?” makes it so much better.
Expecting a kiss at the end of the first date can be disastrous, most of the time you’re still getting to know each other and it can be too soon. Some of the best kisses I ever had were after the 2nd or 3rd date, because from the girl’s perspective, a guy usually tries to go in for a kiss after the 1st date. For me, that’s usually way too soon. But when you leave a girl waiting… then she’s in anticipation for the first kiss and it makes it so much more magical when it does happen.
And wouldn’t you rather want the girl to be in anticipation for the kiss than to be rushed into it? When you wait, you’re doing something most guys don’t have the patience for, so you’re already different from the others, plus you are starting to get to know the girl better, so you have a better gauge of when the timing is right.
So, if you can, prolong the wait and more often than not, it’ll be worth it.
I’ll tell you want I want, what I really really want
So tell me what you want, what you really really want
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna
I wanna really really really wanna zigaziga hah!
Haha, sorry, I couldn’t resist quoting the Spice Girls with this post’s title, haha.
I’m going to tell you what a girl really REALLY wants! It’s actually really not that hard, and (shocker!) probably the same exact thing a guy wants.
No, not that!
What a girl really wants out of an amazing guy, one that will sweep her off her feet is one that listens to her. I’m probably not telling you anything groundbreakingly new, but it is something people forget when it comes to relationships.
I know for me, the guys that REALLY peak my interests are ones that really listen to me fully, that will let me talk about my love of music, who really want to hear about my dark past, and who asks questions and really want to get to know me. I mean, who doesn’t like someone they can really talk to and be heard? In this attention deficit society, people are not connecting in person as much, so when someone really takes the time to listen to you, fully, they really stick out.
I remember I was dating this doctor, handsome guy, very smart and we laughed a lot and one night I went to a lounge in San Francisco with some friends. I wasn’t really interested in talking to any guys because I had someone I was already dating (and I’m completely loyal like that, I hold onto the same purse until it breaks apart and I’m forced to buy a new one). Anyways, this Jonah Hill lookalike is with my group of friends and talking with me. He’s trying his darnest to flirt with me and I know it, but I don’t care and engage in conversation with him anyways. What was interesting, was he started to open up and talk to me about dating girls and how he really wanted a girlfriend, but instead settled for sleeping around.
I told him to wait, why have all that hollow stuff? Wait for the right girl. We got to talking more and I realized that I got a pang of guilt. I wanted the guy I was currently dating to talk to me and listen to me just like Jonah Hill guy.
Needless to say, Doctor and I didn’t work out, because, guess what? After a mishap he didn’t want to listen to me and things fell apart.
Hence, why this blog is called “The Single Guys Guide to Dating (By a Single Girl)”, but I digress…
What struck out on that night for me, was this stranger’s willingness to really listen to me and get to know me. I remembered that night and wanted henceforth for the next guy I date to give me that kind of attention. When someone is really interested in you, and not willing to listen to the Cliff Notes of your story, but actually learn about what makes you tick, you REALLY stick out from the group.
So, if there’s a girl out there you’re interested in, engage her in a conversation and get to know her, ask her questions and have her elaborate. She may subconsciously be attracted to you because, guess what? A lot of people don’t listen like that this day and age and it is really rare and special to give someone your time.
And I’m sure, deep down, you just want someone to understand you too.
We’re getting closer to the weekend (Happy Thursday!) and you may have plans to hit up the local club/bar/watering hole/chess match and you may meet a beautiful girl.
Don’t be caught being one of the creeps that girls flee from, avoid these creepster moves and you will have a better chance at scoring that cute girl’s phone number. Let’s go!:
1. Don’t stand against the wall alone staring at the dancefloor. This is always uber creepy. Pretty much every club I’ve been to since I was 18 (and especially at the 18+ clubs) there will be guys lined up against the walls of the dance floor, staring down their victims and waiting to pounce. Girls try not to notice this type of loser, but it just comes off with you looking like you have no friends, you’re just there to find a girl for some sexy time, and you’re probably much, much worse than we could ever imagine. Guys, go out with your girl friends, guy friends, SOMEBODY at the club. The only time it is acceptable to be caught alone drinking in public is at a local dive bar when you’re sitting at the bar having a drink. Other than that, it’s creepy, don’t do it!
2. Grinding the girl you desire from behind. It’s always the guys that you wouldn’t give the time of day that you find brushing up against your behind as you’re dancing with your girlfriends. Unbeknownst to you, this guy thinks it’s totally suave to just come up dancing behind you and expects you be drunk enough to turn around and not care. Most girls pull the, “oh no, I’m really a lesbian” dance and will grab the closest girl friend and dance with her to get the loser away. Don’t surprise the girl with a dance because for her, it’s mostly not a pleasant surprise, but a time to run in fear…
3. Bring your nerdy friend and jump in the middle of a girl cirlce and start dancing/talking with girls out of nowhere. Ok, there is a time when it’s acceptable to bring your wingman to help score the girls, but most of the time, if you just crash a girl group dancing… you better make sure you can at least move, and you and your boy are confident enough to be engaging. It can be weird for the girls and they try to smile, but they just want to get away. I think it’s better to approach a group of girls while they’re at the bar, they have the option of staying or leaving the bar. On the dance floor they now have to find another dance spot on the dance floor and sometimes that’s impossible, so they’re stuck with you and Screech for a few songs. If you meet them at the bar, you have a chance to talk and if she likes you, she’ll stick around. Or, another option, dance in your own group NEXT to a group of girls and see if you can get one of the girl’s attention, so much better than just crashing someone else’s cirlce and making things uncomfortable.
Additional note: It’s ok to buy the girl a drink (and you should) but if you want to save money and see if the girl likes you, engage in more conversation first. I have hanged out with girls that were professionals in swindling drinks out of guys and moving onto the next sucker. Talk with a girl for a bit, and after a song or two, then offer to buy her a drink (if she doesn’t already have a full drink in her hand). I (and most girls) always like the offer for a drink and if I like the guy, I will definitely talk to and dance with him for a while.
Other Quick Tips:
– Dress to impress, when in doubt, dress sharper than usual, it’ll make you look gooooooddd and you’ll look better than the other guys around you.
– Make sure to get your hair did and be so fresh and so clean. Bad B.O. in the club is a no-no.
– Bring some fun! Be in a good mood! Laugh! Joke around! Do silly dance moves with your pals! That always catches my eye, so make sure to bring your best self to the club.
Any other clubbing tips you’d like to add? Any horror club stories of your own?
As you may have heard from popular culture, there are a few rules in which you should wait to contact a girl so you don’t look “desperate”. The 3-Day Rule occurs when a male meets a female for the first time (usually a bar, cooking class or animal farm) and the male procures the female’s phone number. After the initial meeting, the male waits three business days to call the female, because he doesn’t want to look too eager. The female is aware of this rule, and she is annoyed but deals with it anyways and anxiously awaits his call.
The 7 Day Rule, is usually after the male and female embark on their first date. Even if the male enjoyed the outting with the female, he proceeds to wait 7 days (flashbacks of The Ring, anyone?) and then calls the girl for a second date, or to chat, or whatever guys do after 7 days of wasted time @_@. The “Rules” are typically posted in male magazines and male-centered websites such as Men’s Health Magazine and AskMen.com.
Girls are onto these rules. All it takes is a Google search of, “why isn’t he calling me?” to find all the glorious male rules of dating. So, girls just wait, or move on, because if he was REALLY into me, he would be calling me right?
The problem with these stupid rules, is if you DO actually make a great connection with this girl you lose momentum when you fail to follow up with her. The 3 Day Rule is bearable, annoying, but bearable. Usually I chalk up the wait to “he’s just busy”, but if popular culture hasn’t already told me, is that the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” explains if a guy WAS that into me, he’d be calling me and I would know he likes me.
If you truly have a great time with a girl, following up the next day or 2nd day after is fine. If she likes you, you will be on her mind and she’ll be excited to hear from you. When you do contact the girl again, don’t blow up her phone with several messages, just ask how her day is going and be short and sweet, or say you had a great time meeting her. The only time I would get annoyed if a guy contacts me is if he was constantly texting me mundane information like, “hey, I’m getting on the bus right now, what are you doing???” BO-RING! It’s kind of like you’re bored and passing the time by texting people. I personally just like a couple of messages, but I don’t like going back and forth for a long time, I rather just talk on the phone. I also don’t like when guys are vague.
The most annoying text a guy can send me is “hey”. It’s like, I have to do the work and ask how YOU’RE doing when you were the one you texted me in the first place. Write a sentence if you are going to text a girl, not one word hieroglyphics.
And yes, it IS ok to contact her before the 3 Days are up, because if she likes you, she will want to hear from you. I think waiting 24 hours is long enough time to contact a girl. If she is annoyed of it, perhaps she’s just not that into YOU, and waiting longer isn’t going to make you that much more appealing.
The 7 Day Rule is even MORE infuriating. After you have a fabulous date with a guy, he’s MIA for a whole week? Even on SUNDAY??? What men’s magazines will tell you is completely nuts. If she REALLY likes you, a week won’t be a problem and it weeds out the girls that really like you from the ones that don’t. Because the ones that don’t like you won’t wait a week, but the ones that do, REALLY like you.
This is how that concept is totally wrong. Remember how I told you about “He’s Just Not That Into You”? Well, most girls are familiar with that book, and with that book, it states that if a guy likes you, he’ll be calling you and not making you wait around making you wonder. So, popular culture is telling girls that if the guy doesn’t call, he’s just not that into her. Girls get turned off by the 7 Day Rule. Well, he must not really like me, because he’s waiting a whole week. You know the girls that will still date you after 7 Days? The ones that don’t give a crap about you. The ones that weren’t mad at all because you weren’t on her mind either because she was probably dating other guys to notice you were gone, and was like, why the hell not? I’ll see this douche again.
And yeah, it COULD work, but it’s plain rude. I don’t believe you were THAT FLIPPING BUSY to not even send one text before bedtime, or during lunch. Because if you’re THAT busy, hell, you shouldn’t even be dating at all! Why are you even wasting time reading this blog? Get back to your busy life already! We know you can’t be that busy to not contact at all. So, there’s two options, you’re not that into the girl or you’re playing a game.
And if you’re playing a game, you’re just setting the relationship on bad terms. Depends on what your goals are, but if you’re looking for Ms. Right, she’s not gonna want to play games with you. If she REALLY likes you, she won’t be turned off at all hearing from you sooner or later, because she’ll be excited to hear from you at all. You don’t have to text EVERY DAY or several times a day, that’s not what I’m saying. Being SLIGHTLY sporadic is fine, because it’s a little mysterious, yes.
I knew one guy that followed the 3 Day Rule to a T. He would wait three days to contact me everytime. Really delayed things in our relationship and I was feeling like he didn’t like me. A year later, I found out through a mutual friend he thought I didn’t like him that much either, which couldn’t have been further from the truth, I was crazy about him, but since we didn’t see each other much or get to talk much, things went downhill. Pretty sad to learn the truth a year later from someone else. We did like each other, but communication definitely went south.
So, communicate with the girl! Don’t let a good one get away!
Online dating can feel like swirling in the abyss, your profile is out there for all to see and your shining face to be scrutinized by all the onlookers.
How do you write your profile to not sound like a sales ad, but also to show your outstanding personality and deviant witty charm?
First off, with most online dating sites you’ll have a basic profile. This is pretty standard where you can write a few paragraphs about yourself. Don’t start off with a quote, or write about yourself in the 3rd person UNLESS you write some funny “referrals” from your friends like, “The smartest guy I know, he’s amazing with dogs.” (yeah, I know that’s kind of a lame quote, but bear with me here). Those kind of funny quotes shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously. It’s good to write what your interests are and it’s fine to write a little bit.
Some girls will complain if it’s too long, I say screw those girls, because writing more, not less shows to me your: writing style (Are you literate? This is an important, crucial quality for some women), how you talk (are you funny? serious? crazy?), are you interesting? (will you be a boring date?). The girls that complain you write too much are probably: illiterate (and you want a girl that can read, right?), only into herself (and you want her to be into you as well, AmIRight?), not that interesting herself (and you want a girl with a life).
So, feel free to write about your interests, TV shows you like, that you like hiking, riding your motorcycle, etc. Lists are ok… to a point, don’t make your whole profile about lists, makes you look way too picky.
Things to Avoid:
– Sometimes it’s good to say what you like/dislike in a girl. But what can be really weird is if you’re very specific, such as saying you only like girls with short hair and if you go on a date with a girl with long hair, just kind of makes her feel like you don’t want her. Also listing a lot of stuff you DON’T want can be offputting as well. If it’s kind of general and not too specific, it shows what you’re looking for, but if you’re like, “I HATE tattoos!” girls will think your ex also did a number on you, AND she was tattooed… and she doesn’t want a visual of your Kat Von D ex, ew.
– Also, if you JUST got out of a relationship, PLEASE don’t just onto online dating the second your relationship ended. It’s REALLY awkward. I’ll see guys that says, “I’m single now!” on their profile status, and that tells me you’re not looking for anything serious at all and you have baggage from your last girlfriend, who of course was crazy. They’re ALL crazy ex-girlfriends, right??? @_@ One time, I had a guy set up a date with me, only to cancel hours before the date because he just got out of a 2 year relationship a week ago. Like, REALLY??? So, don’t exclaim, “I’M SINGLE LADIES, COME AND GET IT!!!”, because that makes girls want to run in the other direction. You’re not a hot comodity and it’s kind of creepy and desperate.
– Don’t write a resume. There’s no need to tell your WHOLE backstory, you can divulge a bit about where you grew up and the places you moved, but we don’t need to really go into great detail, that’s what the first date is for.
– Don’t do a blank profile and no pictures. Either/or are a bad idea. Don’t write “I don’t know what to say….” and write nothing, or say, “I don’t like talking about myself” then go on to write a novel. Heh. Yeah right, it just shows you’re full of yourself when you pull that one. It’s all awkward for all of us, just skip the awkward part.
Things TO Do:
– Be light hearted and funny! I always love profiles that are really funny, not too serious, but then I get a good picture of what kind of guy he is.
– Say what you’re looking for. Don’t go on online dating expecting the girl wants the same thing as you, because there are huge spectrums of what people are looking for. If you want some “fun”, then say it. You won’t be wasting a girl’s time if she’s looking for something committed and you want to audition for the next “Bachelor”.
– Talk about things you enjoy, and that will help girls be able to find something to talk about.
– Be cute. It’s ok to be a little cute when describing what kind of girl you’re looking for like, “someone who likes to snuggle“. That’s darn cute, go for it.
What are your online dating strategies? Any questions? Shoot them in the comment section and I’ll answer them!
I know you’re well aquainted with “the Friend Zone”. A place I know a lot of guys sometimes can’t crawl out of and default to when it comes to women. Today’s lesson, we’ll discuss what the “Friend Zone” is, what happens when you’re in it and how to get out and avoid it.
The “Friend Zone” is a place when you meet a woman and unexpectedly fall into, like a hole that opens up underneath your feet. You decide to be a “friend” to this woman and show her how “friendly” you can be by being there for her, listening to her and you hope if you wait long enough, she will see you for the dazzling guy you really are and come running to you with open arms…
In some cases, yes, this approach could work, but most times you’ve been trapped in the “Friend Zone” with no way out. *Cue Twilight Zone Music*
How did you fall into this mess anyways?
1. Lack of Physical Attraction – Sometimes, I hate to say it, it just comes down to attraction. If a girl is into you, she’ll get to know you as a person, but if the friendship continues for months, or when you hang out there is no touching, or she goes on and on about her crush/boyfriend, etc, you’re in the “Friend Zone”. If she has a boyfriend and keeps you around as a friend, and you REALLY like her, RUN, don’t walk, to the next girl. Just because her boyfriend is an asshole and you make her feel like she can truly be herself, it means she likes the attention from you, but she’s going home to the idiot boyfriend and not you. You’re just there for emotional support.
If she talks about other men she likes, she’s not into you, she just likes her ego stroked. She’s not attracted to you, plain and simple, and there are other foxy ladies that are into you, you just haven’t met them yet. So, for the love of sweet Jelly Beans, PLEASE MOVE ON. Don’t be the poor puppy that listens to her complain about her brain-dead boyfriend and stick around. If she wanted YOU she would be WITH you, not complaining to you.
2. You didn’t make the moves – Sometimes guys fall into the “Friend Zone” because they thought by being sweet and polite would get them an “in” with the special lady. But, if you don’t use your Casanova moves on her, she won’t think much of you and put you in the “Friend Zone” (wow, it’s annoying using quotes every time I say “Friend Zone”, I hope you appreciate the extra effort I put into these posts for you guys). A great way to test the waters with a girl, is using touch, a quick touch on the leg, a playful shove. If she likes you, she’ll lean in closer, or when you say goodbye, she’ll hug a little harder/longer and she’ll reciprocate by playfully touching you back. If she doesn’t touch you, or leans away from you, etc. she’s not interested. Although, sometimes, because you didn’t make any moves, she assumes you are not into her and she moves on. A girl knows pretty quickly within meeting a guy if she’s interested in him BUT her mind CAN be changed, when she learns more about his personality: he’s really funny or they share the same distate in liquorice jelly beans (AmIRight?), but this only has a shelf life of so long.
If you’ve known a girl for 10+ years and she’s NEVER made some kind of move on you and you always liked her, she probably doesn’t like you. She would make SOME kind of effort of playfully shoving you, or complimenting you or something. So, let dead horses lie or whatever they say and don’t crawl out of the “Friend Zone”, you’re already way in there.
3. You’re too “nice” – Nice can equal boring. This goes for both sexes. Boring to me is not being funny, witty or clever. You CAN be a nice guy, but BE INTERESTING. Go out and ride that motorcycle, go rock climbing, go to comedy shows, just have something to say to the girl. If the girl finds you boring, she’ll run off with another exciting guy. So, don’t sit there, staring at her like a zombie while she talks, be engaging and most importantly, have a life.
Once you’ve entered the “Friend Zone”. There are only options after (three if you want to also count by death), you either stay in the friend zone or move your way into “Not Friend Zone” and into some sort of relationship with the girl.
Don’t be upset if you do fall into the “Friend Zone”, just in the future learn how to stay away from it, or embrace it. Learn from your “girl” friends how to get other chicks, because understanding the female mind can work to your advantage.
Venture forth, Young Padawan, and may the odds be ever in your favor. :p
Today’s lesson will be quite beneficial to you. I have questions asked to me like, “hey, Single Girl, I’m SOOO busy with work, I go online dating sometimes, but it’s just hard to find a good girl. Where can I meet girls?”
Let me tell you some hotspots on how to meet girls off the interwebz. This does require you getting off of Buzzfeed looking at those cute koalas and venturing forth into daylight (shocking) to meet girls.
Are you ready?
I said, are you READY???
Think about the girl you so desire. Is she covered in tattoos? Does she wear sundresses in the park? Is she riding a bike? Maybe watching a movie or playing video games?
Think about the activities you’d like in a mate, and start going out and trying those activities to meet someone.
For me, personally, I love reading and writing, so meeting a guy at a coffee shop over laptops or browsing through Green Apple Books would be my cup of tea. But it depends on what kind of guy you are and what you like in a girl.
Here are some HOT SPOTS for girls to start out with if you want a high women to men ratio and increase your odds of meeting a girl:
1. Yoga Class – No, yoga class ISN’T just for girls and their gay boyfriends, straight guys totally go too and there are a lot of hot, sweaty women that totally outnumber men. Also, if you have a rocking bod, totally time to take off your shirt (and not get yelled at) to attract the ladies. The only Cons to this is you can’t really talk during yoga practice, so you would have to get your chat on before class starts or afterwards, which can be tricky, so comment on something the girl is wearing, if she knows of any other yoga studios in the area, etc.
What kind of girl hangs out here?: The spiritual, athletic type. This girl might be into meditation, Buddhism or just looking for a great workout and find some zen.
2. Kickboxing Class – Kickboxing class is like catnip to cats, they’re just so many girls at this class, it’s ridiculous, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Bring your gloves, hand wraps and join all the girls in the kickboxing class. You get a workout and an array of ladies to choose from. Try looking for a dojo to find a good kickboxing class instead of a gym.
What kind of girl hangs out here?: This kind of girl like intense workouts, you might catch her hiking on the weekends or hitting the gym a lot. She’s really into fitness and trying new things.
3. Coffee shop/Bookstore – This is a great place to meet an intellectual lady. The environment is calm and there are a lot of conversation starters, “what are you working on your laptop?”, “how is that book?”, “would you recommend that?” This is a great place to be causal and strike up a conversation with a girl. I suggest going to a popular coffee shop or bookstore. In the coffee shop, hang out for a few hours, relax and sit across from the girl you’re eyeing. Ask her to watch your stuff while you go to the bathroom (if you have trouble saying SOMETHING to the girl). Strike a conversation and don’t be afraid to follow up with a number or asking her out to dinner that night, she may have some time on her hands and might be delighted to go with you.
What kind of girl hangs out here?: The Intellectual. She’s a reader or working on her blog/article/business and likes to get out of the house to get ideas on the project she’s working on. She could be a college student. She’s more likely to converse about the book she’s reading or the project she’s working on.
4. Meetup.com Event – Lots of girls who are new to the neighborhood will go onto Meetup.com to find events and friends to hang out with. Join a hiking club, game club, drinking club, whatever suits your fancy to meet girls you wouldn’t normally meet. This is a place to be friends first and than to see where it could develop. You don’t want to come off strong here because girls in these events are looking for something to do or to make friends. They do want to meet guys, but if you’re stuck at an event together and it doesn’t work out well, it’s best to be friends first instead of awkward for the rest of the event.
What kind of girl hangs out here?: This girl is open to trying new things and is looking for new friends. She may be new to the area or looking to expand her social circle or trying something new that she never got to in the past.
5. Salsa/Swing Dance Class – This is another great way to meet some girls. With Salsa or Swing dance you HAVE to dance with a partner (yes, most likely a girl). You’re stuck together for an hour and you’re learning together. You don’t have to be a fabulous dancer, but know come key points. Be light on your feet, don’t step on her feet. I haven’t taken swing classes, but I have taken Salsa, and with Salsa you’re twirling the girl around, so you get to be in charge. Yes, dancing with a real life female can be intimidating and don’t get upset with yourself with the first few lessons, but by lesson 3-5 you’ll start getting it and will feel confident. So, stick with it and you may never know who you will be paired up with.
What kind of girl hangs out here?: This is a girl that likes to go out in the city, dance, party and enjoys the nightlife. If you love to party, this girl will be by your side.
Places to Avoid: Don’t go into Zumba Class or a knitting class to get a girl. It really does come across as gay and weird. That goes for ballet class as well. It’s just really awkward and weird and not a place a girl would expect to meet a guy, even though you’d feel you’d have an advantage at these spots, it’s really not the best first move to take.
Think about the kind of girl you like, and what she would be doing and go ahead with those activities. You’ll be out there, meeting new girls and it’s so much better than online dating.
Do you have any other suggestions on where to meet girls? Please comment below!