Today we’re going to dive into how to talk to women. Please put your phones down, and pay attention, because while you may be busy using Tinder to meet the ladies, you’re missing all the REAL women walking right in front of you.
While online dating is super tempting, (you can meet girls that ALSO liked your pic!), it’s very time consuming. Think about it, how many minutes, hours, days or even months have you been looking for a girl? Sometimes it takes years of dating to meet someone you somewhat click with, but it’s a lot of time looking through profiles, messaging back and forth to only meet someone in person and find out right away that you don’t want to spend the rest of the date with… and it’s back to ground zero.
In reference to my previous post on finding a date in San Francisco for men,this article from SF Gate has popped up on how in San Francisco, women aren’t being approached or flirted with and they have to rely on technology to get a date.
So, gentlemen, we’re going to discuss today on how to talk to women in real life. For realz.
Some of the best conversational advice I’d ever seen was from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, and I will share that wisdom with you. Even though the title seems manipulative, I assure you, the book has no manipulation techniques, only common sense guidelines that have stood the test of time, written back in 1937, these techniques will not only help you with talking with people in general, but also improve your relationships but also help you with your career.
According to Carnegie, one of the best ways to be a great conversationalist is to be a great listener. most people love to talk and rarely do people really feel like they get “heard”. People are brimming with stories, case in point, the lovely lady you’re eyeing. Upon meeting someone, the best way to engage someone is finding out about that person. So, first:
You Must Be Interested
This doesn’t mean only being interested in the person, duh, you’re totally into that hottie; but be “interested” in what they do, who they are, their hobbies, etc. When you find out that someone likes sailing, or playing video games, or riding horses, you can connect with someone who also enjoys the same thing or lets them share that joy with you. I remember in past dating experiences, I could tell a guy REALLY liked me if he kept asking me questions about my work and what I did in my spare time, and for me, these guys stuck out the most. I liked them! I liked a guy would was “curious” about who I was and just wasn’t making small talk. They were interested in what make me tick.
You don’t need to have a bunch of one-liners, jokes or stories to hook in a girl. You just need to ask questions to keep the conversation going. Be careful of sounding like an interviewer, don’t go into the date with more than three prepared questions. It’ll sound way too automated. Let the conversation flow naturally by asking questions to keep things going. If she’s talking about ballet classes she took while she was a kid, where were the classes? Does she still continue ballet? Are there other kinds of dancing she likes? With any luck, you can have a long conversation and learn a lot about the girl which just asking the questions and she’ll feel glad to finally have someone to really listen to her.
It doesn’t take a lot of story-telling to be a great conversationalist, just genuine interest in the person you’re talking to. Refrain from talking about yourself too much, but get to know the girl and ask her questions so you can find out more. Don’t be an interviewer with repeated questions, but let the conversation continue and flow.