Why You Don’t Want to be a Player

Hello Gentlemen,

Let’s imagine for a second the mind of a player. First, what is a player? A player, usually a man, is a guy that “plays” with people’s hearts. They’re a person that doesn’t invest emotionally in a relationship and tries to always get a better partner. A player goes in for the kill, to sleep with someone, then either cheats or moves on to the next target, all while not emotionally getting attached, having fun and breaking your heart.

Some guys want to be a player, there is a certain status to being a player. Like a good looking guy who can walk up to the hottest girl in the bar and sweet talk his way into her bedroom. Guys also idolize a player, because not only can he get whatever he wants, he can walk away unscathed, with not a scratch on his heart and the energy to find his next victim.

Celebrity players, such as George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio, seem to have it all. Good looks, money and a bevy of babes at their beck and call. Why settle down when you have hot chicks all over you?

Let’s look a little deeper into the mind of a player, shall we? Is it all that it’s cracked up to be? Sleeping with one chick and moving onto the next, and next, and next can’t get old right? I mean, look at Hugh Hefner, he’s a million and one years old and he’s happy right?

But if you really look at a player, you’ll see someone who has gotten hurt in the past. They flew too close to the sun (meaning they loved a girl once that burned them) and instead of loving again, they closed their feelings down and settled for the physical pleasures of a relationship, but firmly closing the down on the emotional pleasure.

Sure, I mean, if you can net an unlimited amount of models like DiCaprio, what’s the point of settling down? But you’re not DiCaprio are you? You may be good looking, or even charming, but at the end of the day, just being causal with relationships isn’t what you really want.

Look at it like friendships. Do you want a bunch of rotating buds to go see baseball games with? Only to hang out with them a couple of times and never see them again and get a new group of friends? Isn’t that kind of exhausting getting to know all these guys only to discard them and make new friends? You want friends to stick around, friends that are there for you and most of all, friends that you have things in common with and you’ll know that when you hang out, you’ll have a hell of a time.

It reminds me of the movie Home Alone 2. Even though it’s just a kid’s film, there is a really deep scene between Kevin and the bird lady in the park. Kevin talks to her and she says she doesn’t want to love because she doesn’t want to risk getting hurt. But here is the dialogue which I think is important because it breaks down what it feels like to close yourself off to love.

Bird Lady: The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.

Kevin: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.

Bird Lady: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.

Kevin: Maybe they’re just too busy. Maybe they don’t forget about you,  but they forget to remember you. People don’t mean to forget. My grandfather says if my head wasn’t screwed on, I’d leave it on the school busy.

Bird Lady: I’m just afraid if I do trust someone, I’ll get my heart broken.

Kevin: I understand. I had a nice pair of rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times.

Bird Lady: A person’s heart and feelings are very different from skates.

Kevin: They’re kind of the same thing. If you won’t use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it’ll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won’t be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.

Bird Lady: Little truth in there somewhere.

Kevin: I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn’t gone. If it was gone, you wouldn’t be so nice.

 

Basically, what I’m saying is that we’re all human. And humans need certain things in their lives. They need shelter, food, to feel safe. And they need relationships. They need family, friends and a partner. Having someone who cares about you for you, not for your money or looks or anything else superficial, is amazing. Someone who shares your interests, someone you can care for, someone who will stick around when things get tough. You’ll get sick someday, you’ll get hurt someday, and that person will be there for you like a rock. If you’re afraid of getting hurt, join the club, because guess what? EVERYONE is afraid of getting hurt. These are the risks you have to make in life, or else you’ll never really live. And you’ll never really know.

So, why would you want to be a player? A player is based on ego. Playing up their ego and trying to score, but that can get old and you’ll start feeling detached to people. All the girls look the same, act the same… but that’s because you’re going after certain types of girls so you don’t get attached.

George Clooney dated blond models for like forever. And who did he end up with? A smart brunette! Someone who challenged him mentally. Because why have the superficial when you can have the real deal? Why play up your ego when you can really find someone to have fun with, and not just in the bed, but in life? Someone you can travel with, someone who gets your jokes and makes life worth sharing.

If you feel you have to be a player to stay on top, you’re only kidding yourself at the end of the day.

I’ll leave you with one last story. I used to work at Starbucks, and there was an old man, grandpa age, that started to work there. One day he was leaving work and put on a leather jacket, a biker jacket and I talked to him. I found out that he never got married, and never had kids and regretted it. Here was this old man that probably had adventures out on the road with his biker gang, but at the end of his life, he didn’t have anyone to come home to.

Life is short, and if you close yourself for too long, you may lose your chance.

Ok, Gentlemen, we got a little deep here this time, I hope you enjoyed and talk to you next time.

How to Not Feel Rejected

Hello Gentelmen,

Dating is a game, a game where you take chances, risk yourself and ultimately win or lose. Sometimes you lose hard and sometimes you are frustrated because you’re on the sidelines and can’t even get into the game.

Everyone knows how that feels. Men, women, everyone. The typical response is to blame other people.

“If they had just known how pure my feelings are…”

“They don’t understand me”

“Why  can’t it go my way?”

The thing is, don’t feel alone in that feeling. Don’t single yourself out thinking life never goes your way. The rule of life is nothing stays the same forever and there may be a lesson for you to learn first before you can move forward.

I know pretty girls that are single, looking for a boyfriend, and can’t find anyone for years because the guys they date are more into themselves than the girl. They’re more obsessed with their self-image of dating a pretty girl than really understanding her in the first place.

And girls get rejected too. They’ll like a guy that never makes a move on her, they’ll wait patiently for him and even ask him out to only have him say no way.

Whether you’re young, old, we all don’t want to be rejected, but it does happen and sometimes it really does work in your favor.

Sometimes, that person is NOT ready to date at all, they need to get over a break-up themselves and would be a horrible partner even if you two were to get together, or you have a lot on your plate and juggling a relationship would be a horrible idea for both parties because you’re not ready to open up and be there for another person.

There’s all kinds of reasons why relationships don’t work or don’t start at all, but what you must keep in mind is to not bash the other person or force them to like you. You need to keep your head high and keep yourself intact. You may feel insecure, like no one ever likes you, or the people you like, don’t like you. But look for the lesson, why do these people not like you? Are they emotionally unavailable? Are they immature? Are they going through their own problems? Are you not their type? Are you really the best match for them?

I remember one guy liking me that was of Jewish faith, and I am clearly not. No way I would ever convert to Judaism. So, why did he bother to like me knowing that clearly that I would never be a match? You can’t expect to change the person you like and expect them to do things that are not of their core of being. If it’s not a match, then it’s ok, because there are LOTS of other people out there.

I had to move to find my match. I lived in LA for three years and knew I would never find a guy for the right relationship for me. Certainly, there’s love in LA, but for myself, the kinds of guys I was meeting were more obsessed with looks than what was inside, and I would clearly get looked over for hotter women. Even though I was in shape, I was clearly not the desired type of most guys there. And I honestly wanted a guy with more substance than what I was finding there. For me, moving was crucial to find the right type of person.

I could have stayed, and tried to make it work with someone, keep getting rejected or looked over. But what I did was really think about who I was and the partner I wanted and came to the conclusion that the partner I wanted wouldn’t live in that place.

But you may have to stop as ask yourself similar questions. Who’s a good partner for me? What do I really want? What do I need to do to BE a good partner?

Then you’ll realize, the rejection you’re facing is not because of your insecurities or whatever you feel inferior about, but that it’s not a good match and you’re looking in the wrong places or that you’re not ready to be a good partner yourself and you need to do some growing first.

Until next time, gentlemen.

Cheaters Anonymous

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time, no chat. Thanks for checking out this blog, even though I haven’t been as active, this blog is still getting a lot of views, so it encourages me to continue writing in here. As always, any questions you have about dating, or any stories you’d like to share, please comment on any of these posts and I will get back to you.

Let’s talk about cheating today. Not a pleasant topic and for the one being cheated on, it can break a person knowing the person you love is well, loving someone else.

I’m going to talk about both angles of cheating. I’ve been cheated on before, and it made me insecure in subsequent relationships where I thought guys would always do that to me. I felt foolish. I also thought about cheating once and I realized that it wasn’t worth it to cheat.

Why is it not worth it to cheat? I know it’s tempting to dip one foot into the pool and get the best of both worlds, but no one really deserves to be cheated on. Even if that person is a jerk, they don’t deserve it. You can rationalize away why you should cheat, you’re not getting enough attention, they don’t listen to you, etc. If that’s the case, you need to make clear to that person that they’re driving you away and ruining your relationship.

You also need to be prepared to walk away from that relationship if you are looking to cheat. The minute you start omitting that you have a significant other and start flirting with other people and hanging out with them alone, you know you’re jumping into dangerous territory.

If you’re really that insecure to be alone that you need to cheat because you don’t know what you want, you REALLY need to be alone. You need to step away from your current relationship and be single for a bit before jumping into something new.

You know what I notice in men? That they jump to relationship to relationship awfully quickly, even when they’re not over their ex.

I went on a first date once where the guy couldn’t stop talking about his bad ex-girlfriend. Then a few days after the date he texted me that he still wasn’t over his ex. Yeah, no duh. Of course.

Also, ask yourself, why are you cheating? Not getting what you want out of the relationship? Then ask for it. And if you will never get what you want out of the relationship, the door is over there and you can see yourself out. Be an adult and break up, then pursue something new. Because if you cheat on someone with someone else, that other person will always wonder if you’re going to do them wrong the same way…

And you kind of just broke your trust with that new relationship too. You’ve shown that person that you can sneak around to find what you want.

If you have been cheated on, that can be rough. You start to doubt yourself in relationships and wonder if anyone really likes you for you, or is just looking around the corner for something new.

If you’re in a relationship right now where you can’t trust the person, ask yourself these few questions:

1. How new is this relationship?

If you’ve just started to date this person for a month and they’ve shown you no reason to be jealous, then try your darnest not to be the green-eyed monster, because the minute you start trying to control someone else, you’re breaking that relationship and the only thing you need to control is yourself. YES, YOURSELF. You cannot control another human being, you can only control your own emotions. I’ve seen couples living with each other and the guy could not stop being jealous and accusing his girlfriend of trying to date other guys and attracting attention. You know what happened? She broke up with him because he could never trust her. Don’t be that guy.

2. Has it been 6 months and you still can’t trust your S.O.?

If it’s been several months/years and you still can’t trust the person you’ve been dating, you’re settling for low standards. Yes, you are settling because you think you don’t deserve better. After a few months if you can’t trust that person and you think that every good looking person that walks in the door is grabbing the attention of your honey bunny, you got a big problem. The answer is you’re being WAY too jealous, or that person is really looking for other people. There is no good way to change yourself or them at that point and you really need to leave that relationship. Because you are never going to trust them and years will go by and that will suck ass. Seriously. Been there, done that. I was in a relationship where I couldn’t trust the guy at all. I just KNEW something was wrong. And then the day we broke up (because we kept fighting and I couldn’t trust him) he left me a big bombshell revelation. I can’t repeat, but lets say that he was living a lie to most people in his life and they had no idea what kind of secret he was holding in around everyone. It was bad and he was a jerk and my gut instinct was true. He was not an honest person, and that’s why I couldn’t trust him for the life of me.

So again, if you’ve been with someone for ages and you’re still jealous. Either you’re crazy or you’re right, and both results are bad. You need to leave that relationship and raise your standards.

Because you can find someone that you trust. I’m with someone now that I trust. One day we were at a party and a super cute, younger girl went up to my man and started hitting on him. You know what I did? Nothing, I went back to doing whatever I was doing because I knew he would handle it. He did. The girl came over to me and asked who my boyfriend was. I pointed over to the guy she just tried to hit on. She really wanted to know if he was taken. My point is, I trusted him enough because I trusted us. I knew that our relationship was strong enough that a younger, cuter girl than me wouldn’t phase him at all. Because our relationship is unique and we’re happy with each other.

If that was several years ago, I would have lost my shit because I didn’t trust guys, I just kept thinking they would try to get someone better than me. I was single, did my time and confident in myself and my relationships that that kind of thing doesn’t worry me at all.

You can be like that too. So, don’t lower your standards. If something ain’t right, walk away and have dignity. Don’t do people wrong. It will come back to you in your next relationships.

Until next time.

 

 

 

How to Not Hit on a Girl

Hello Gentlemen,

New Year’s is coming soon, and I know you may be feeling the slight twinge of singlehood in the back of your head. Another year has gone by, and what you do plan to do next year?

If you plan on finding a girl, I’m going to give you some advice on how NOT to pick her up. That’s right, sometimes learning from your mistakes is the only way you can really find someone special.

Let’s start with the obvious:

1.  Don’t try to pick up a girl on a bus, plane, train without striking up a mutual friendly conversation first.

One time, I saw a guy try to pick up a girl on the bus. Apparently they had seen each other before on the bus, and he was trying REALLY hard to get her to date him. This girl was hilarious, because she was frank with him and was like, you don’t even have a job and hitting on her on a bus was not her idea of a good time. Being REALLY persistent RIGHT away is a huge turn-off for women. Remember, women are usually pretty freaked out by strangers approaching them and she has no idea if you’re a serial killer or a teddy bear, but it’s in her best interest to protect herself from harm. So if you come off way aggressive, “hey baby, come out with me, etc. etc.” and pushing her, she’s going to run so fast the other way… think of laws of attraction, whatever is being chased WILL run away.

Instead, strike up a mutual, non-sexual conversation instead. Granted, it’s the hard part and you only have a few minutes to make a move before the next stop comes, but if you HAVE to hit on girls in transit places, maybe you need to chill out and reconsider why you need to hit on girls this way.

If you’re beyond just getting into a girl’s pants and you really find someone with a spark in a place like this, just talk to her, sit next to her and ask her a question. Now, respect her if she doesn’t want to talk to you. You can’t take everything so personally. She could have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, she could be in a weird place in her life, or she could just not like you. Whatever the case, don’t harass her into liking you and giving her number to you.

When you strike a friendly conversation, her walls can come down and the conversation flows normally and naturally. I HAVE seen a guy sitting across from a girl on BART (the subway for you non-Bay Area folk) and after a few stops, he ended up sitting right next to her and talking with her the rest of the ride home. He had game, he was friendly and wasn’t pushy at all. He wasn’t aggressive.

Remember Gentlemen, women are people and you have to play it cool.

On the other hand, if she doesn’t want to talk to you, back off and let it go. Not everyone is going to like you and you’re not going to like everyone. Remember you do have some power in approaching girls. I know, personally, I would want to ask out guys but I had to refrain because then I would come off too strong, so I had to let guys come to me. You do have some power in picking girls, just remember that the right girl will say yes, and you only need ONE girl to find someone special.

It can be super scary for a girl if a guy is bothering her on the bus, in a plane or train when she can’t really escape, so respect her and be a gentleman, let it go and keep trucking.

2. Don’t make it all about yourself

You don’t need to sell yourself when talking to a girl. If you need to lead with your money or accomplishments to get a girl to like you, she is not a girl with substance that you want to date. Let me repeat that, if a girl you are talking to will only like you if you talk about what kind of car you have, what kind of job or how much money you make, walk away. Seriously, if you think women are ALL gold-diggers, guess what girls you’re going to attract? Gold-diggers. If you need to lead with your ego, your money, your accomplishments, you are attracting girls that are shallow. And that’s not what you want. You want a woman with something under the hood, and most importantly, someone who likes you for YOU.

So, don’t sell yourself. Don’t have a pitch. You’re not a salesman. Make yourself a little mysterious. Nothing is more boring than a person that talks all about themselves without asking the person they’re talking to without asking questions.

The best thing you can do is ask the girl questions. What does she like to do for fun? What are her hobbies? How many siblings does she have? Where does her family live? Let the girl talk and reciprocate the questions. Because if she’s interested, she WILL ask you questions back.

3. Don’t compliment TOO much

Don’t talk about how her eyes are gorgeous AND has beautiful hair AND has a banging body AND this AND that. Leave it to one or two compliments in the conversation at the MOST. Don’t make it super sexual either. Don’t tell her her ass is banging or her legs are super long. Too sexual too fast. If you want to sleep with her right away… then whatever, you’re gonna do what you want to do. But if you really want someone special, someone to stick around BE a GENTLEMAN. Keep the compliments sincere and minimal. Trust me, a girl will remember that ONE compliment. You don’t come across as desperate and you also are thoughtful. The perfect combo.

Ok, Gentlemen, you did good today. Tell me any questions you may have and your stories.

Until next time.

 

 

How to Buy a Present for your Girlfriend

Hello Gentlemen,

Today I’m going to walk you through how to buy a present for your girlfriend. Now, buying presents for a girl is completely different than what men usually want when they get a present.

Men usually want a present they can use: tools, BBQ sets, cookware, watches, shoes, etc. You guys like things that are functional, and when you’re looking down at the universal remote you use from your girlfriend, you smile and think what a great girlfriend she is.

But women, are different animals. Sometimes we hint at what we want, sometimes there’s no hint and you’re supposed to read her mind. Women want different things out of a present. We usually don’t want functional things as a present. Alas, in my view, I can buy some functional thing on my own, but from a boyfriend/husband, you want something sentimental and pretty. Either something with meaning to you two as a couple or something pretty that makes her look pretty or is pretty.

Girls don’t want the piece of jewelry EVERYONE else is getting because that doesn’t make HER feel special. This is where your sleuthing skills really need to kick into gear.

What does she like? Really ask yourself this before blindly running through the mall asking sales girls what they like. I remember working at Bath and Body Works one Christmas season when I was young and the men coming in for their wives and girlfriends were like shooting fish in a barrel. They had no idea what their significant other liked, so they just picked the most popular scent in a gift basket and called it a day. But after Christmas was over, guess who came in and returned the presents? The women who got it from their boyfriends because he didn’t know what she liked and exchanged for something she did like.

It’s not rocket science to find out what she likes, because she’ll probably show you or tell you. Is she into Etsy products? Does she like knitting? Is she into shoes? Movies? Video games? Dancing? Art?

One thing that’s always a great idea is an experience together. Take a painting class together, they have PaintNites over over the U.S. If she loves dancing, start taking Salsa classes together, if she likes cooking, do a cooking class together. Women love sharing experiences together as a couple.

They also want you to think about the present too. If she has a deep love of all things Anime and Totoro and you get her this rare stuffed animal that she didn’t even know about it, she’ll be totally happy and cherish the gift you gave her.

What I’m trying to say is keep in mind these things: get her something that shows you think of the details, something you two as a couple can share together, or something that makes HER feel special.

Although speakers for your home system sounds awesome, unless it’s something she’s asked for, she’s just going to assume it’s something for yourself and not her. Remember when Homer bought Marge a bowling ball? But it was really for him? Yeah, don’t do that.

I hope that helps you on a quest for the best present for your girl!

Until next time!

Top 10 Signs She’s NOT Into You

Hello Gentlemen,

In light of this recent Match.com article, “Signs She’s Seriously Smitten with you” with a Top 10 non-verbal cues that women do to show if they’re interested in a man.

Well, since these signs are usually fairly obvious, with hair flipping and gazing longingly into your eyes; I think you guys would benefit on how women show they’re NOT into you. Since, well, some guys still persist in pursuing a girl when she feels she’s given you all the signs she’s not interested, here’s a clear guide if you can’t read the signs.

#1: She crosses her arms, legs, looks away from you or has her body facing away from you

Hate to break it to ya, but if it looks like she physically is repulsed by you, can’t make eye contact and is trying to look for someone else to start talking to, she’s not into you.

#2: She doesn’t laugh at anything you say

You know, the funny thing about liking a guy, is that even when he makes a bad joke, a girl is still going to laugh. It’s weird, as girls, we’ll start laughing loudly at the easiest of puns, and the most common jokes, like the guy is Aziz Ansari. A girl shows initial interest in a guy by finding everything he says funny. So, if she’s not laughing at anything… well, you know.

#3: She becomes quiet or starts talking to someone else

If you find it hard to start a dialogue with her and you’re asking all the questions and she’s responding with one word short answers and not asking you questions back, she’s not feeling it. She may also start talking to someone else and start avoiding you. She may start looking around the room to find someone, anyone else to talk to. Her eyes will dart around trying to find hope that she doesn’t have to endure a second longer with you. Nope, doesn’t mean she’s shy, she’s just not interested in you.

#4: She tells you she’s busy- ALL the time

If you’re trying to meet up with her and she always says she’s busy, without offering an alternate available date, she’s trying to be kind to you, by not flat out telling you she will see you– never! A girl who’s interested will make time for you within the week. At least! If she doesn’t make any time, not withstanding an impending wedding or final exam week, she’s going to always be busy. Always.

#5: You try dancing with her, and all of a sudden, she turns into a lesbian!

You see a cute girl, you start grinding. You’re hot… kinda. And then she notices you, and rushes straight to her girlfriends and starts jumping all over them furiously. This doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian-werewolf all of a sudden. It means she’ll do anything to get away from you. So, leave her alone already.

#6: She doesn’t ask any questions about you

She doesn’t care about getting to know you. No questions, she may blab about herself, but shows no interest in who you are… which is saying she has no interest in you.

#7: She talks about other guys around you

A girl wouldn’t want you to feel like you need to compete with all these other guys that she likes. She won’t talk about how hot Leo was in The Great Gatbsy, or her crush on Charlie Hunam. Or talk about all the guys she’s dating. She wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression… that she doesn’t like you.

#8: She doesn’t look you in the eye

If she likes you, she’s going to want to look into your beautiful eyes. But if you get the feeling she’s just trying to look around you and avoids your gaze whenever you look at her… she’s either stupid shy, or just not into you. And I doubt the shy thing unless you’re in middle school… and if you’re in middle school, you’re too young to date! Wait until high school!

#9: She only hangs out with you in groups

She’s down to hang out, with several other people around. She’ll go to the movie, bars, clubs, with lots of other people besides yourself. But when you suggest a romantic dinner for two… she changes it to a party of 10. Yeah, she doesn’t want to be alone with you, sorry.

#10: She tells you she doesn’t want to date anyone right now

Women who say they gotta focus on their career/school/life and can’t be in a relationship right now, means they don’t want a relationship with you. You may think she’s playing hard to get or has other things in her life, but honestly, most girls would love to be seeing a guy after working hard all day. You’re just not the one she wants to relax with.

That’s it! I hope this list makes things crystal clear for you, and if not, write down in the comments what you think.

Compliment HER!!! 5 Rules for Complimenting your Date

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time no see! Valentine’s Day is coming up and I thought I’d dole out some more handy advice for you daters out there.

I would like to talk about the art of “the compliment”. Really, I think this deserves its own blog post because it is THAT important.

In the past, I remember dates and boyfriends that I had that couldn’t compliment worth a damn. They had no clue how to be around a girl and respectfully give a girl the compliment she deserves.

Because frankly, she DOES deserve at least ONE compliment if you’re dating her.

For example, I dated a guy back in the day that NEVER complimented me. Not even once! Probably dated for like a month and a half and it fizzled quickly. I felt like I couldn’t really be myself around him. I even would dress up even more, JUST so he could compliment me. I remember meeting him for a date and I remember a random guy in the street stopped in his tracks and just gawked at me. I looked that brilliant that day. Seriously. And what did my date say? “Wow, you look nice?” Nope, nada, zlitch, nothing.

I was dumbfounded. I literally stopped a guy in his tracks on the way to the date (and honey, I don’t pull that stunt often) and my date had nothing to say. I might as well wore a brown bag and called it a day.

If you want your date to CONTINUE dressing up for you, doing something different with her hair, compliment her!!!

Here’s how you do it.

1. Don’t Be Sappy

Don’t say “the twinkle in your eyes brings me hope of love blossoming….” or something creepy like that. No. You’ll just accomplish making her feel super awkward because no guy has ever said anything like that to her and she’ll probably think your foreign or something.

2. Keep it short, keep it sweet

Say something like, “you look really nice today”, “your eyes are beautiful” or “you look gorgeous”. Use the G-Word sparingly though. That’s pretty much the highest compliment you can give a girl.

3. Time it Right

Compliment her at the beginning of the date when you first see her. Compliment the dress, etc. And you can compliment her once in the conversation when it feels right, or during a romantic moment, like before/after a kiss. Don’t overdo it, you’ll embarrass her.

4. DON’T make it sexual!

Unless it’s for a  booty call, then whatever. But if you want this lady to stick around, don’t compliment her butt, boobs, legs, etc. If you’ve been dating for a while, then whatever. But for a the first couple of dates, keep it classy.

5. Keep it to 1-2 compliments a date

Don’t go on and on about how wonderful she is. Keep compliments 1-2 sentences once or twice a date.

If you want a girl to stick around, compliment her, because if you don’t, she’ll think you’re not interested and she’ll start doubting your feelings for her.

Until next time!

5 Reasons why the men of ‘Twilight’ and ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ are the same

Hello Gentlemen,

Today we’re gonna have some fun with romance books turned into movies and how they’re emulating through media. The Twilight movies were a hit amongst women, young and old. It wasn’t just for teenagers (I can attest to that!), but I’ve noticed strikingly similar themes between Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey that I wanted to point out to you guys. I’m not saying these themes are the end all of be all of how men should act towards women. No, some of these examples in real life AREN’T cool. Being obsessed with a girl and having no friends is not what healthy relationships are made of. This list is something interesting to look at as to what women fantasize about, but also what women shouldn’t really be liking when it comes to men, but ultimately, what is the core of what women want?

Let’s find out. Dust off your Twilight DVD and Fifty Shades of Grey paperbacks and let’s go on a journey…

 

1. The main male characters are utterly obsessed with the female main characters. Like “can’t-stop-thinking-about-her-crazy-stalker” obsessed.

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Why do these men constantly think of the female characters? Women can obsess about men. Sorry, we do. We wonder when you’re gonna call us in the early stages of dating and thinking about guys is fun. What’s appealing to Twilight and FSOG is that these guys think about these girls all the time. They want to be around her and in a way, “control” her. Edward from Twilight is always “watching” Bella. Even when she can’t see him, he has an eye on her. That’s way stalkerish. There’s a fine line that can easily be crossed when a guy is “watching” a girl all the time. I guess it’s welcome when the girl LIKES the guy, but in REAL LIFE, that’s still a bit crazy to have a guy constantly know where you are. In Fifty Shades of Grey, Mr. Christian Grey likes to literally “control” his women. In the bedroom. But, he also likes to control where Anna works, and what she drives… and wears… Yeah, no. This is not flattering and your partner is not your father. Women don’t like to be told what to do, or what to wear, etc.

To Be or Not to Be: Not to be. Don’t obsess about your girl to the point that you want to control her. In real life, these fantasies cannot work. Let the girl be herself, do her own thing, but tell her that you think of her and miss her when she’s not around.

 

2. The main male characters have no friends…

Not only are Edward and Mr. Grey completely obsessed with their love interests respectively, they don’t really hang out with “the guys”. I can see on one hand this is appealing to most girls, and on the other hand, how this is very unhealthy for relationships. C’mon, girls, you know a “night out with the guys” could entail one of the single guys to enlist his friends to be his wingmen to get a girl. So, a guy going out with only guys could mean trouble, if they’re hitting on girls, drinking, partying, that kind of thing. Or maybe they all sit and watch football every Sunday and play videogames until the wee hours of the night. These behaviors aren’t too appealing to women (except if she’s just as into video games, Monday Night Football and helping your boys score), so, just eliminating that prospect all together is more romantic to women. They just want the guy to be focused on them, instead of ditching them for their nerdy friends for a weekend at Comic Con. Oh the horror!

But as much as a girl would love to get rid of her boyfriend’s douche friends, it’s quite important he HAS friends. It’s completely unhealthy to not have a social life outside of your love life. So, make friends, keep boys’ night a mystery to your girlfriend. Don’t do stupid things when your girl isn’t around.

The bottom line: Girls would love for men to get rid of their dumb friends, but guys, keep your friends. This is real life, not a movie.

 

3. They’re both young, rich, white and can fly.

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I always thought Twilight was a little racist. Bella picked Edward, this rich, white dude, over Jacob, her best friend who was Native American and no where nearly as rich as Edward. Jacob was at least warm-blooded. Oh yeah, and if you’re a vampire, you’re gonna save a TON of money not eating food. Of course you’re gonna be loaded when you don’t eat food.

But besides the point, Edward doesn’t technically fly as he can jump like, up a huge tree. He’s supposed to be “17” but technically is like a hundred and something. But hey, plastic surgery and botox can do miracles.

Mr. Grey, he’s in his 20s, filthy rich, white and he flies his own helicopter. Anna doesn’t care that he can buy her clothes or a car, and insists that he doesn’t. Because she’s independent, you know. But he still buys her stuff and she accepts grudgingly. I totally HATE when guys buy me cars!

Bella and Anna insist that they love the man for who they are despite being a vampire/rich/good-looking. But those things do help.

Unfortunately, in America, this is the stereotype of the ideal male. Don’t throw rocks at me, because we ALL know the ideal woman. It’s thrown in our faces every day at the supermarkets. But these movies depict this stereotype of what women want.

It’s not all true, though. Being rich, young and non-prejudiced isn’t what ALL women want. Everyone wants something different. As beauty may not be your top priority when it comes to dating women, riches may not be their top priority either. Remember, these books/movies are stereotypes of a fantasy, and this example is pretty ridiculous. Don’t change yourself to try to be someone else’s ideal.

Besides, I was Team Jacob anyways.

 

4. They both want to hurt their loves but restrain themselves

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This one is the most disturbing trait of all. Edward is a vampire, and like all vampires, he likes human blood. But he’s a “vegetarian” and doesn’t drink human blood. But, Bella, she’s so desirable… so he’s always fighting the urge to HURT her. He resists a few times, and gives her a few bruises another time. But it’s weird.

And Mr. Grey, well, that’s the whole S&M thing where he wants to dominate Anna, but he tries to be nice with her and not hurt her.

It’s disturbing how domestic violence has seeped into mainstream literature in a disguised way. These guys don’t get angry and want to beat up their girlfriends. But there is a level of fear these women have towards the men. Knowing that the men are strong enough to hurt them.

Women are afraid of men. We’re afraid that when we go on an online date, we’ll get kidnapped and be never seen again. I know women that won’t go online dating for this reason. Sometimes you never know who you’re dating, if they’re creepy and a serial killer. Who knows? I think these books/movies play into that fear of women. Kind of like a horror movie. We watch horror movies to deal with our own lives. Dating’s scary? Watch Fifty Shades of Grey.

This is quite a difficult topic, and there are definitely no clear lines drawn as to if this is a depiction of domestic violence to, just something kinky.

Just remember, guys, dating is not only difficult, but kinda scary sometimes to women. They’re afraid of getting hurt in more ways than one. We’re not terrified of men, but there are certain precautions ALL women have to take to protect themselves. That’s why, taking things slowly, is always the best way to start dating. Take your time so you both can trust each other.

 

5. They act like refined, sophisticated, mysterious gentlemen

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There’s a scene in the first Twilight movie that really stuck out to me, and that I feel like embodies how most women would like to view their potential mate. There’s a scene where Bella is having lunch with her dad and the high school boys are outside the restaurant window, acting crazy. They’re in the windows, shaking their butts (this was before twerking), laughing, being loud, etc. Bella’s dad asks her if she likes any of those boys. She’s like, hell no. Haha. Of course not. And whenever Edward walks in, he’s quiet, mysterious, and doesn’t make an ass out of himself.

Same with Mr. Grey. He’s the businessman, and the vision of mystery. I read the 2nd book in the series and I still dunno what his deal is. WHY IS HE TORTURED??? WHY??? Mr. Grey acts professional, doesn’t blab about anything and gets stuff done.

Both of these men, even though they’re tortured and weird and all that, act like gentlemen. They don’t act super goofy and weird. They act very sophisticated and they’re mysterious because they don’t talk too much about themselves.

Here’s tips you should walk away with: When first dating a girl, this is the most mysterious you will ever be to her in a relationship. Before farting becomes the norm when you’re living together. Try to remain as mysterious as long as you can! Be honest about yourself, but there is absolutely no need to divulge your whole family history, your day-to-day work and all your favorite movies all in one go. Get to know her slowly, as your date will get to know you slowly. If you’re a funny guy, by all means, be funny. But act like a gentleman, open doors, pull out her chair. Your date WILL notice. Be chivalrous. Take tips from these men on how to present yourself. Dress well for your date. Cut your hair and trim your beard. Looking on point always helps.

 

Phew! That was a lot! We’ll see how these Fifty Shades of Grey movies pan out. These books have captivated the nation, if not the world, so there’s something going on here, and these men are very similar. They do play to certain female fantasies, but, not all fantasies play well in real life. Another thing I also noticed is that they both tilt their heads down and look up. Look at all the above pictures, they’re all doing the same pose. Just for kicks, try that out in a club. You could look super sexy, or super scary. See if it works! Hah!

Key Takeaways: Don’t give up your friends, don’t change who you are and be respectful of women. Dating is scary in more ways than one for women. Remember to act like a gentlemen, reveal yourself slowly and treat her like a lady.

 

Until next time!

It’s OK Being Single

Hello Gentlemen,

Long time no see! Today I want to talk to you about recovering from a break-up and why it’s a good idea to wait before jumping into a new relationship.

Let me tell you of a (horror)story. There was a man who was married with kids that had an extremely jealous wife. She was so jealous, he couldn’t even be caught talking to another woman. He suffered a while before divorcing her. Then he jumped into another marriage with another woman. Fast forward a bit and he went back to the former ex-wife after a death in the family. He is now back with the crazy ex-wife and he can’t even talk to women in person or over the phone AT ALL. His daughter also turned just as jealous as the mom.

I was told this was a great guy. I’m telling you guys this story so that you can avoid traps like these. You get into these traps when you can’t handle being alone, you don’t know how to take care of yourself, so you just jump into another relationship with a woman without getting to know her, but most importantly, without getting to know yourself.

You need a minimum of three months of not talking to your ex-girlfriend/wife after a break-up. After that, consider taking a year off after a long-term relationship that went bad before jumping into a new relationship.

“A year??? A whole year???” I hear you yelling at me. YES!!! ESPECIALLY if it was a LONG-TERM relationship. We’re talking 5+ years with a woman. You need time to get over her and LEARN what went wrong. Was she crazy? Were you crazy? Did you cheat on her? Did she cheat on you? Were you too trusting? Was she not around? You need to come to terms with what went wrong the relationship and learn more about who you are and what you want out of your NEXT relationship.

When I was online dating, unfortunately a lot of guys that contacted me JUST, like, JUST got out of a relationship, signed up on OKCupid and started messaging girls. They just could NOT be alone. A guy cancelled a date with me because he told me the night of that he had just broken up with a girlfriend of a few years a WEEK before. Seriously??? What are you doing online dating then? You need to be hanging out with your bros, not hitting up girls to boost your ego.

Don’t be that guy. Don’t go online dating and jumping into a relationship or heaven forbid, marriage right after a nasty break-up.

Just, forget about girls for a while. Focus on your job, do some volunteering. Grow up a bit. Clean up the pieces of your heart all over the floor before inviting another girl into that mess.

Because if you take the time to heal, you’ll be stronger, you’ll be aware WHAT a bad girl looks like and how to avoid her and you’ll increase the chances of finding someone better for you and stay in the new relationship longer.

Have a great weekend, Gentlemen.

How to Break-Up with a Girl Gracefully

Hello Gentlemen!

Breaking up is hard to do

Today we’re going to talk about something that I know you all have nightmares about. One of life’s scariest undertakings which usually make you grab your teddy in fear and hide under the covers.

Yes, today, we’re going to talk about how to break-up with a girl.

It’s ok, really. We’re gonna get through this. I’ll show you how.

First, let’s establish the relationship. Have you just gone on a few dates? Is this a long term relationship? Depending on the length of the relationship, will determine what kind of proper break-up you will need. Also, it depends if it’s been a nice going relationship or a turbulent one. If you’ve been in a violent, abusive relationship, you will need a restraining order in addition to breaking up with the girl at a safe distance.

But, assuming this is a normal relationship, things didn’t work out and you’re having trouble cutting the cord, here’s how you proceed.

If you’ve only had a few dates: You’ve only had one date or maybe 4 dates with the girl. It’s not working out, you don’t see a long term thing with her, or you’re hung up on you ex and not ready to have a new relationship, whatever the reasonings are, you need to end things with the girl.

If you only had ONE date with the girl, it’s fine to end things through a text message. This actually happened to me once, and I thought it was really the most nicest way a guy to end things. After one date, he texted me that he didn’t want to continue things with me, he needed to be single, but he thought I was nice and enjoyed the date. I wasn’t really feeling him that much either, but it was sweet for him to gently end things. It’s truly, truly frustrating for a girl to wait around for the guy to call/text you for a second date. And if she was really into you, those hours, days can be like torture. If you don’t want to see her again, she can’t argue with a nice text where you ended things nicely. You need to:

– Give her a reason you don’t want to continue with the relationship (I need to be single, hung up on my ex, we’re looking for different things)

– Tell her something nice about herself (she was generous, funny, had a nice first date, enjoyed talking with her)

– And say good bye, maybe you don’t want to remain friends with her, and if you don’t, don’t say you will. Just thank her for her time.

Doing this will:

–Increase your good karma. It’s good to treat others with respect, and if you treat these girls like a good guy, than she won’t have to deal with ANOTHER bad guy. Because what goes around, comes around.

If you’ve been dating this girl for a few months or long term: You need to break up in person. I know, it’s tough. Crying sucks, break-ups suck. But you need to do it. She’ll cry (or won’t, maybe you’ll cry) but you need to handle this like a man and break up in person. Similar rules apply to the advice above, but now timing is much more important.

Don’t break up with a girl:

-On her birthday

-On Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, or any other big holiday.

– Right before or during her graduation (or a similar big day, like a show she’s performing in, etc. She has to focus on something else besides her relationship and it’ll also ruin that big day for her)

Just wait a day or so when these events are over, also if someone close to her dies, just wait a week before breaking up.

When breaking up, you need to find a quiet space so you two can talk together. Be calm and tell her why things aren’t working out and why you need to move on. She may argue, cry, try to win you back, but if you know it’s for the better, remain calm and be strong. After breaking up, leave. Don’t linger, don’t hang around and definitely don’t keep seeing her after the fact.

You need at LEAST three months apart. That means no text messaging, no calling, no seeing each other in person. If you have similar friends, avoid each other. You need that time to move on so you don’t just get back together just because you miss each other. You have to stick to this rule. You both won’t be able to move on if you keep seeing each other.

After three months, you may attempt to be friends, but usually, that’s a tough case and you may not want to be friends. Give yourself and her some time to move on before crossing that bridge.

Phew! Not such a fun topic! But I hope that helps you guys. Be a gentleman and treat the girl with respect and end things graciously and you’ll have an easier time in life.

Until next time!